life is just full of challenges

random entry + abit of inner thoughts of a certain someone

2012-01-26T01:29:00.006+08:00

nothing better to do tonight. might as well blog something before i go to slp.

if i were to give myself a diagnosis as per clinical entry format. this is what it would roughly look like lol>>>

NKDA
currently well
had previous episodes of emoness
had regular recurrent memory flashbacks
has not seek any psychologist advise
claims to be normal on the outside but inner thoughts shows otherwise
has no suicidal/self harm thoughts
has no malicious intent on others unless provoked
intents to ORD in peace
make as many friends as possible

heart: s1s2
lungs: clear
tonsils not enlarged
bloodshot eyes
left right cornea normal
normal ECG

c/o:
emptiness in soul

o/e:
sad individual
low self esteem
pride damaged

plan:
recommend psy treatment
excuse duties for 3month
recommend MBIA for temp downgrade to PES E
recommend to find girlfriend during this period

pt refuse psy treatment
said that he can cope with current situation
delighted to have 3month downgrade

-------------------''----------------------------''----------------''-------------

ah well...its a load of crap anyway.
everything here revolves around money.
no money cant do anything
they say money cant buy u happiness. thats bullshit
money is a critical factor to gain happiness
cos u need money to produce the happiness u wanted.
i want a house i need : money
i want to decorate my new home : money
so...money is still a critical factor.

gender equality? fuck this shit

2012-01-14T11:08:00.002+08:00

read another case of teachers being blamed for being insensitive and unprofessional. and guess who is the one complaining? A FEMALE Student! of all the articles that i've read nearly all of those are complained by girls...teachers are also human, true, he may have said some rude remarks, but wad contributed him to say all those things? from MY point of view, both sides are in the wrong but i feel that the girl also need to reflect on her actions also. if its not for the fact that she said something offensive to the teacher, the teacher also wont retaliate back. its a pride thing. i call u a homo for no reason u think will you feel happy? same logic. then the media instead of balancing out both sides, instead stated that the girl said those pride damaging words "in jest". and that the teacher is in the wrong and show past articles on cases of teachers gone bad.

but hey i do the same thing to you lor! oh wait, i forgt, ur a girl, therefore u cant be wrong, u are just not sensitive to others and so just blurt it out in heat of the moment. therefore i am wrong because i retaliated and it caused damage to ur low self-esteem. PATHETIC!

the sister also question MOE how they choose their teachers. i on the other hand want to question that SISTER " instead of questioning the MOE, why dont you question ur sister also? ask her how come she can just pass snide remarks such as the words he said? sure, he use the the "fuck" so? does replacing it with "screw" makes the sentence any better? im sorry but the way i see it, you are just offended by the teacher who is an educator, role model...etc etc. but i want to remind you that he is still after all, a human being. and human being have feelings and pride. so do yourself a favour and reflect on this if you get it. good if not, then put yourself in our shoe, put yourself in the shoes of a guy who is an educator as well. there are some things we can swallow our pride and some things we couldn't . placing the blame all on the teacher is just too unfair to him. at least thats my point of view.

gender equality? screw this shit. there is no such thing as equality to begin with. nature make sure we are different. we have different physiques. there are things we can do and cannot do.

girls accidentally touch a guy and if we said "molest" we are branded as pussy and "wad the hell, she touch u leh! be happy instead can?"

a boy accidentally touch a girl and if she shout molest, the boy i can guarantee you. gone fuck le. even if he is innocent, he will be branded as a molester in the eyes of the public. no one will take pity on the guy. the guy is expected to pick himself up and suck it up.

i have no issues with girls in general, im just infuriated and fed up by on and on reports of guys being scrutinize here.

call me sexist but sometimes i feel that in most of the news reports, with the exception of rapes and obvious outrage of modesty the rest of the "crimes" shows that no doubt the guy is also wrong but he is also the victim.

i will be blunt about this : most girls in Singapore are spoilt.
girls in s'pore are too well protected to the point that they abuse the system.
all they need to do is just escalate her "cause of unjust" and everything will be solved.
in fact, the moment they reach the media, the guy lose liao...even if its a minor case of argument. the article will most likely be : " couple argues over _______, BOYFRIEND "shouted" loudly...etc etc"

i hate it whenever they say things like " the guy should have done this and do that" the fuck, WHY??! ISSIT BECAUSE OF THE SOLE FACT THAT HE IS A GOD DAMNED MALE? THAT'S WHY HE NEEDS TO DO THAT? IF THAT'S THE CASE THEN FEMALES SHOULD JUST FUCKING STAY IN THE KITCHEN! WHY? BECAUSE FUCK YOU THATS WHY! DONT ASK WHY WHEN U DEMAND THINGS TO BE DONE SOLELY BECAUSE YOU ARE A MALE/ FEMALE.

and they got the cheek to say " u sexist! i dont belong to the kitchen" yea well " neither am i ur bitch, so quit telling me to help you just because you are a girl" u want equality? god gave us hands and legs, i see u got that as well. so fucking use it" i am helping you because its my own goodwill. help do not need reason, u need help i help not because i am a guy and so its only right i help. and so you jus concentrate on ur shopping and me carrying ur bags. no fuck you. im not your bitch nor slave. get this right, i can always jus drop ur bags and just fuck off if u piss me off. the only reason why guys dun do that is because of public image. we THINK before we act. because if we dun and kick up a big fuss. WE are in trouble NOT you. you will become the victim and guy will get it from the public. the girl dun even need to do anything. and they wont even bother to ask how come the guy will explode with rage. ending with the absolute verdict "the guy is at fault"

2011-12-26T19:05:00.002+08:00

been feeling rather empty up till now, i realise. i dun have much time left! in just a flash im alrdy 22 and nxt yr feb i will be 23! im alrdy taking my 1st step on the middle age phase. this is the 1st time i truly felt old...not to mention pathetic. the mere number 23 sound like the age where i shld be making money like no tml. striving to earn a stable income and sustain a family but no...im still in NS, pondering what to do with my future.

so many expectations to meet. so many conditions to fulfill.
giving up my dream to meet up with the current reality.
call my determination half fucked. YEA AND SO?
i lack neither time nor requirement for it.
i lack money to pursue
i lack time to find a job and earn an income big enough to support

and thinking of "i lack this and that" really irritates me to no end.
but then time wont jus take pity on me and stop so that i can catch up
can tell u this>
-i can a car but gt no license
but to get a license i nd to pass my TP test which in turn needed money as well
-i hope to get a girlfriend someday
but again, when i look at myself i lack qualities and again, money to take care of her

and when i cannot fulfill this monetary requirement i can never get what i wanted

and i know playing games at the arcade is wasting money but i too, need a place to relieve my stress. the only place i can find momentarily joy in my life.

i envy those around who are cuddle up with my loved ones
x'mas day isn't a special day to me. its just a holiday
CNY is the time ppl around me ask me about my r/s status
valentine day is jus a day to get chocolate...if i ever get one

i have inevitably walled up myself again...facing the crowd with skin-surface joy
i need a hug, someone to tell me "its ok, you can do it"
yet im picky, and dunwan to feel that your just being sympathetic to me.
i dunwan ur sympathy, its not wad i want.
i just want the kind of care and concern guy friends cant give

wad the fuck....

problems of me going out

2011-10-30T02:28:00.003+08:00

what can i say....if there is nthing to talk about....there really is NOTHING to talk about...unless of cos u dun mind i spout random nonsense...which then again i dun like the fact that u jus listen and respond wif "orh, yea, hmm,ok" which makes me feel uncomfortable...to break down awkwardness only to have to rebuilt it with extra layers isn't my plan but then if we do arrive to the end of conversation what to u suggest we do?" if keeping silent is taboo when going out(though i think it is) then rest assured that im racking my brains on what kind of conversation shld i make to break down the awkward silence again...i do hope however that u are thinking the same thing as i am when we are in this kind of situation. i can be random but random topics are always short and the awkwardness will rise again even worst still, if my random topics backfired on me...i try talking about my past experience but then again thought u might not be interested and that i also feel that i shouldn't expose so much about myself to you so that you wont lose any interest in me...it would be so much easier if i can be just be myself...but then again how would you depict that side of me?

though i can be random, but then there will always be this topic i have in mind and its always the wrong topic to talk about. For example...since im in the army and being a medic, i do have stories of Emergency cases and wad happen and so on and so forth but then you(or them) might not be interested at all! for that though, i can understand. i mean not everyone is comfortable to the thought of needle poking and stories of resuscitation and sending casualties to the hospital. which is why i 1st try to tell stories then see the reaction...if the reaction is not good then i shut up and it le..though i very much wanna share it out...but the thought of ppl being forced to hear wad i wanna say jus irks me. thats why i chose to diam diam....but thats the problem cos i only gt that to share....and comes to think of it, though i have cases i can share. but those are also short stories too....so in a matter of minutes my 'topic of conversation' ended again. and so i revert back to my usual listening ear personality...cause i really dun mind hearing ur problems. im like a bottomless abyss for ppl's problems. i dunno why i like to hear ppl's frustrations...not that it makes me happy, but its like its good to hear ur problems and understand more of life bah..

so...how can i survive a date like that?

beginning my life as a medic

2011-08-09T11:06:00.002+08:00

its been some time since i pass out as a combat medic...at 1st i feel abit disappointed by my new found vocation. since i hated going to the medical center since the start of BMT...i never once thought that i will be working in one till i ORD...i rmb i said something like this " last time i hate to go to the medical center, now i have to report there everyday" i realise that the medics i see at tekong, no doubt they are fucked up in the eyes of others. but i wonder do the other recruits know the responsibility those medics have if ever one recruit faints?

"we are those that stand in the middle of life and death.
Making a difference, saving a life."

this is wad i posted in my facebook, i had a new found inspiration in my vocation because of what i learn in SMTI...that being medics may be slack...but we carry the unseen responsibility to treat the fallen...

life is fragile

today is national day!

2011-08-09T10:25:00.002+08:00

and so...today is national day again...and i might say...this year's fireworks display is btr than last yr.

but besides that...alot of things happen this few weeks...makes me ponder...i read alot of people's comment saying and asking why must they serve NS? well...to me serving NS means protecting my homeland. it doesnt matter if the people in my homeland is fcked up...wad matters is that the country that im born in, stays safe. other people nowadays serve NS for the sole fact that they NEED to go NS....some wants to protect the people...but are disappointed by how the citizens look at them and thus, give up that thought of motivation. i am loyal to singapore, to my country. this is something i said to myself since i was a child...national day songs give pride to me being a singaporean. though now with the influx of FTs in singapore...i hope that those locally born singaporeans will not forgt and forsake their homeland jus becos there has been an increase in foreign workers.

微笑的面具

2011-07-30T12:25:00.003+08:00

有一些人，他们看上去整天都很开心，笑口常开，像个无忧无虑的小孩。人多的时候他们脸上总挂着笑容，好多人都会羡慕他们，然而这其实是他们最悲哀的地方，他们不想让别人渗透自己脆弱的一面，虽然有能力一个人独处，但内心更渴望有人陪伴，因为当夜深人静的时候，他不知道一个人会发生什么事，坐在窗前冥想走过的点点滴滴。

没有人读的懂他们，想着想着貌似快乐的他们就会黯然流下一脸的悲伤，然后自己对自己说：其实也没什么，命运在开的玩笑吧！所以他们就整天逼自己笑，以此来逃避那些常人所不能不承受的煎熬。

他们貌似很坚强，因为在别人看来，他们什么事都能微笑着去面对，但事实上他们长着世界上最脆弱的心灵，只是长期的伪装使得别人很难发现他们内心深处的创伤。他们其实非常孤独，虽然看到他们时都是在跟一群人谈天说地，那是因为他们实在不能承受一个人时的折磨！

他们只想简简单单、快快乐乐的活着，期待并且相信每个人给的笑容都是真心的，希望身边的人都是真正的喜欢自己。即使别人小小的意见，也会另他们很慎重的思考，他们真的很介意很在乎，介意自己不讨人喜爱，达不到别人为他们画下的标准。因为，他们总是为别人想的很多，对别人总是比对自己好；把能对喜欢的人好当做幸福，喜欢别人比喜欢自己多。

他们总是那样，前一秒还伤心的流着泪，后一秒出现在朋友面前的时候，已经满脸溢着灿烂的笑容。有人说他们是向日葵，是的，他们在意的人就像是太阳，在面对太阳的时候永远是明艳的花瓣，而太阳照不到的背面，那悲伤藏得那么好，不愿被看见。

他们向往放纵自由的生活，却必须为了谁很努力的朝另外的一个方向活着，很累很累，却仍是心甘情愿。离自己的梦境越来越来远，不得不面对从未想过的争夺和复杂，恐慌、不知所措。只有面对最信赖的人时，才会卸下盔甲，委屈的流下眼泪。因为在他们心里，笑就是开心，哭就是难过，接近就是喜欢，远离就是讨厌。但其实不是，他们明白了，心好累，眼泪就没忍住。哭过之后，笑笑得擦干眼泪，说，没关系，我可以做得更好的。

他们好像无所不能，好像总是不会有烦恼，好像什么问题都能轻而易举的解决，总是喜欢出现在流泪的人面前，笑嘻嘻的逗着笑。而面对自己的问题，他们却茫然无措，面对自己的悲伤，他们只会躲在人们看不见的角落里慢慢为自己打包扎。

他们的想法非常简单，说出来的就是心里所想的，肚子里不会拐七道八道的小弯，无心的话可能会引起别人的误解。所以，请别记恨他们，他们从不愿伤害谁，小小的错误就能让他们懊悔很久。

他们其实非常单纯，甚至你曾经给了他一个微笑他也会一辈子记得你的好，因此他们的世界观其实也很简单，他们很容易受蛊惑，请不要轻易的伤害他们的感情，因为一旦伤害了，那就将永远弥补不回来！如果你身边有这种人请你给予他（她）那怕是凤毛麟角的那点关怀，让他（她）知道这个世界没有抛弃他们。

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gt this from one of my friend's post...and i feel that its really true. for i am that kind of person

till now still so hollowed inside

2011-05-07T02:04:00.002+08:00

empty...jus so empty, im like a jig-saw puzzle wif a missing piece. incomplete.

i dunno...jus get on wif it

2011-05-02T18:11:00.002+08:00

it hurts. the feeling of being powerless to lessen ur pain...when u say ur problems and i dunno hw to help u solve them, really wanted to be there when u needed company...though u always disappeared abruptly without warnings, always leave me hanging when txting. always figuring out how to remove ur daily sighs...but find that none of the things i thought worked. but then again i wonder, why am i still so cling onto u even when i know the status quo? cos i jus want you to know ur never alone because im always alone in the heart, and i dun wan u to exp the same thing as me.

the feeling when you sent smses to other ppl but no 1 replied u is crushing...rly crushing. esp when im in camp and i jus want to hear a voice of some1 thats close to me...though conversation might be short but it still somewhat soothes the heart. and the fact that it hurts and the feeling is crushing, i cant cry. or shld i say i chose not to cry because its meaningless tears, tears that wont help me change anything even if i cry, only drawing pity. saddens me yes....issit because of the way i am? i sometimes reflect to think if im a retard...and the same question keep popping out: why?

i write this post...isit because of pity? no, its because i read my dear friends posts...and this is wad i felt. even now, i...well...dunno how to describe this feeling...its alot of emotions mixed up together but i know for 1 thing i really miss her...be it talking to her or being with her...haiz...

4 more wks to POP lo!

2011-03-13T16:36:00.002+08:00

in a blink of an eye, its jus 1mth away from POP le...time pass ever so fast when ur inside...and even faster when u are booking in haha...this BMT like the rest of the other army dudes is a very memorable one for me...the tough times we had with each other and the lepak times we had in the bunk. well...thats all i had to say for now...maybe after POP another post will be coming up ;).
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i have been slping more getting more tired easily ever since im in army. after 2200 i will get tired, perhaps its the daily routine of slping at 10pm bah...but yea it sure have effect on me, i can no longer keep myself awake till 4am(unless im slping wif my LBV on) i have lost the qualification to eat and survive at a buffet. but all this will slowly come back to me after i POP i think ;)
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sometimes i jus dun get it why ppl like to sent me msges then dun reply back....

disgruntle feelings

2011-02-19T13:11:00.002+08:00

do u rmb the day when we gt enlisted,
1) every1 around us was singing POP or book out day like no tml
2) we look blur as they all march pass us singing army songs
3) we swore that one fine day we will get our turn to do the same to the other newly enlistees
BUT NO...
1) we were told NOT to sing book out song infront of those new enlistees
2) we kena shouted at and threatened with confinement because we shouted book out day when we having high morale(wtf much)

INSTEAD WE NEED TO....
1) sing "training to be a soldier" song infront of those newbs
2)stay quiet during our book out day...cos apparently it will lower the alrdy low morale new enlistees(-.-)

WHERE GT SO EASY CUT TRADITION ONE....

life in tekong

2010-12-24T19:22:00.003+08:00

lol...after 2wks of confinement and this is...my 3rd bookout...look forward to friday everyday hahaha...and we started counting the days the moment we touch tekong haha. anyway....i will start a brief intro and jus say afew things...cos i sign a pact saying i cant say this and that...so...yea.

the 2wks confinement period.
----------------------------------
1st day of enlistment...the 1st person to address the new recruits is our coy's CSM....he totally makes sure we know we are not civilians anymore...the way he talks...intimidating....so scared and stunned that during the CO speech we still kept quiet when the CO ask us "are u ready?" until the 2nd time he ask then we realise and respond with a "YES SIR!"

then we take our bag or aka barang barang to our new home...Dragon company. then we proceed to go c0llect our field pack, duffel bag, boots, shoes, shavers....etc...etc..essentially, u dun even need to bring anything during enlistment day, cos everything have been provided for u...after all the sorting out, we made our way to the foyer which is a shelter between cougar and dragon. there, we were sorted into platoons...i was sorted to platoon 1.section 3. did i mention i met my sec sch friend,syafiq ? we met each other earlier but then i did not want to cfm if its him...in the end? he became my platoon as well as section mate. my section was...ok. bunch of jokers really. i had a good time laughing and forget the unhappiness that happened during training.

1st 2 weeks of confinement is really like introduction camp...and time past real fast in there, before u know it, its alrdy the 2nd wk's sunday and we all get ready to book out...the feeling is dam nice...booking out is like booking in, except we take boat back to mainland haha, after we reach pasir ris, i immediately take cab home =)

reason why this took so long to post is cos im too tired to write or i have no mood to continue...sry for not updating my blog haha

last post till maybe 2weeks later

2010-11-24T22:59:00.002+08:00

alright...time check is 11.03pm. 57mins b4 its the day i depart for tekong island ahhaa...had fun on the last day...spent it on universal studio lol...like the rides xD one of it gt me soaked but i had fun haha!

heh heh...jo, if ur reading this, i wanna tell u that talking to u have been really enjoyable and addictive...1 day without smsing u and i feel weird le hahaha...

well then! this is a short post, and i will MIA till nxt mth. cheers to all and myself.

NS HERE I COME!

this totally deserved to be reposted XD

2010-11-20T02:32:00.002+08:00

FIVE PEARLS OF WISDOM TO REMEMBER:

1. Money can’t buy happiness but

somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle…

2. Forgive your enemy, but

remember the bastard’s name.

3. Help a man when he is trouble & he will remember you

when he is in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because

it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then,

neither does milk.
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i love no. 5 and no. 4 HAHAHAHAHA!

ah well..its been a long time since i update...

2010-11-11T16:50:00.002+08:00

since its been a quite a long time since i posted something...i guess i should just post abt the recent events.

-receive my ns letter stating i nd to report to BMTC school 1 at 8.45am. on 25th nov. on my brother's birthday somemore hahahaha...
-intending to chiong 2mths of work and get atleast afew spenting money for ns...which i anticipate to be in dec...oh well no choice but to quit TDS...a place thats worth mentioning abt...i shld take abit of time to review how i came to start work at tds haha...its 2 yrs worth of exp written into 1 post.

starting
---------
my friend initially was looking for a job to sustain himself...and he came across tds wif the help of his mom. so he ask me along and apply for the job. at that time, i jus finish year 1 sem1 kinda broke as well...so can say i desperately nd money. so when we reach tds which is at sunset way(last time there is only 1 shop). its a very strange atmosphere for me because i never work in the f&b sector before. my past working exp all belong to the factories. hahaha...so yea we gt seated...mel came out out and interview me and my friend. then we go home after that...afew days later, mel call me to say im chosen rather than my friend because of various reasons. i felt bad but happy oso, and so i tell mel when i can work and prepare for my 1st day.

1st wk at work
----------------
hoping to give a good impression for my colleagues and boss...i went early, but was rather stoned because i really dunno wad to do...i stand there and blur...1st thing mel taught me was how to churn ice cream...nthing else....being able to serve customers are..in her eyes,a natural talent. so when theres alot of customers coming in and the older staffs are serving i was churning ice cream because 1) i dunno how to serve(bear in mind i work in factory not service) 2) again, the only skill she taught me is how to churn ice cream. terrence the supervisor and mel finally bth and shout at me to go serve...i was like " eh? ok..but i dunno" mel was like " GO" then i "orh..." and this is how i started out serving my 1st customers...throw out of the pan and into the fire. its abit problematic for me cause with regards to the scoop size and wad ice cream is there. im still very blur. then after the wave of customers had gone then i slowly pick up on the skills. yeap...the journey is not smooth sailing at all.

6mths into the job
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met new friends and colleagues, still very blur as always. cos i dun really work alot i din have the chance to learn alot of things, rmb terrence blow up on me because i was cleaning the glass halfway...then my hands are black then terrence want me to serve customers but i nd to wash hands in order to do that...dun see why he cant serve the customers 1st...totally piss off wif him. then like mel later talk to us separately, i had cool down le so i did apologise in the end...since he is the BIG ALMIGHTY SUPERVISOR...he dun like me and i dun like him either...so its there, 1 enemy. and i purposely work on the days he gt off. cos i jus dunwan to see him, everyday see him , he will scold me one...argh.

1yr into the job
----------------
begin to realise jus how long i have manage to keep this job, cos i part time study and work. time jus pass without me knowing and in a blink of an eye, 1 yr gone le. my pay rise steadily and i know more and more flavours, how to scoop, how to churn and how to promote our products. i wont say i have much talent in this aspect but i do know how to serve all that...the ending tasks i have all done from A-D all except E. last time theres oso XYZ where staff nd to sing 'closing song' to drive customers away. oh well...the trended gt killed by me haha...i jus dunwan to do it. then later changed to F which is 'extra staff'.

1 and 1/2 yrs into the job
--------------------------
gt news that the new branch in holland v is setting up...though i feel happy for the Co. i dunwan to leave sunset way...cos its near my home and sch and not a bother to go after sch...if i gt transferred to hv, then the only bus i can take is 61 from sch...which 61 as u all know is an ass to wait for if u miss it. and my results are not as good as i wanted...so i began to work lesser...but in times to come...i realise that mel wants to post me to the new shop cos she wants afew exp ppl over there...but i felt that having 2 shops now means those pro ones will remain at sunset way. the not so good ones will be at hv. felt abit sad...but oh wells...i told mel that if any side needs ppl i can go...since im alrdy used to be a weekend warrior ahaha. she said ok...yay!

rmb the time when i go and see the new shop for the 1st time...my 1st impression is...BIG..and SPACIOUS....then comes the problem on how to convey the waffle orders to the kitchen...ah well, in the end tat was settled.(to wad it is now) new staffs were hired espacially the kitchen staff...now mel hires some ppl jus for doing D, dishwashing. and some of them cannot adapt the cold environment. by then im considered an all rounder...so i do most of the things afew here afew there...when the new shop officially opened, there was little customers...then slowly the numbers grew. so i over there sometimes undertake the role of the 'teacher' and teach those newcomers how to churn ice cream...serve waffles, scoop ice cream and bla bla bla....but i never felt good enough to teach, reason being i believe i still have much more to learn. and me teaching will end up in disaster...haha...

2yrs into the job
-----------------
gotten used to the environment in holland v, knw wad to do and all that le....even gt the guts to check waffles and make waffle mix...do waffle flour...gt sick of hv's food variety haha...met new colleagues again...very good ones that learn fast enough....began to do E after a long time...like it cos no nd to do other brainless physical labour...task E is brain work...the only task that needs to kill brain cells

last mth of working
--------------------
before i gt my ns letter i told myself that i would quit this job 1 mth early so that i can prepare. to enjoy my civilian life before going for a 2 yrs stint in ns. never though wad i said would came true so early. and during 2nd last wk of my work. 2 new girls came to work...grace and josephine. grace's teacher was crystalbel and josephine's teacher is well...me. haha. and the way she came to the shop really remind me of my 1st day at work on my 1st day at tds...stoned and follow me around for the 1st day...cos she dunno anything...and i have to teach her the basics...i was stumped...cos too many things to know so little time so...wad shall i teach her 1st? impt skill no. 1! how to scoop a ice cream. lol...show her my hand technique..dunno if she mastered it le mah...then show her how to serve a customer. then lol...like how mel and terrence teach me how to serve...i let her serve her 1st customer...of cos wif me beside her to help this time rather than wad i exp. lol. later i ask her if this is her 1st time working in an f&b job. she say yes and that this is her 2nd job...o.o! no wonder. hahaa...the world is just too small...to think i met some1 who is so similiar to me in term of work exp. in tds...knowing absolutely nothing. and to top it off, SHE LIVE NEAR ME thats like after 2 yrs of going home alone, i gt some1 to talk to on the way home...couldnt felt happier than that...but the sad thing is...i only left 2 wks until i quit. so yea...happiness is short-lived...or so i thought it is.

after quitting
-------------
finally! the ending conclusion. is my story boring? might be...haha..its a summarised ver. of it after all.

so like on the last wk jus before i quit mel sms me if i can work for 2 more days...shortage of staff...so im like " ok...when? jus cannot mon-" the msg was nver finish as she sent me the days which is tues and wed. both days which im free ahahaha...so its like can la...earn more mah...then can get pay early as well....lol...and even though i quit alrdy i still guided josephine on tds essential skills. lol...im not that good but at least she wont be as blur as me when i 1st started..very soon she wont need me anymore and she herself is capable to teaching other ppl le...though she told me that she isnt going to work long...i was like "aww..waste leh.." lol...

---------------------------------------end-------------------------------------

haha...finally end le...now im blogging and waiting for the time for reach so i can go eat xlb buffet which i organised later at nite...

counting down the days before i enlist

2010-10-23T01:20:00.003+08:00

see that countdown timer up there? yeap, thats the est. amt. of time left for me b4 i pack up my barang barang, ship my ass to tekong and throw my freedom away for 2 yrs to serve my nation. lol. yes...i finally receive 'the letter' (O_O!) gonna train up and prep for ns....thank god i ask ppl who went in earlier than me for advise on wad to bring...so as to btr equip myself for life in tekong haha =) cheers for the future, if u believe in 2012 u can go fck urself cos i aint planning to die yet esp when i havent serve finish my ns haha! thats like being in debt and singapore is my creditor. and i dun like debts ;)

though i dun think i will be removing the timer html until 2 wks later on sat i think...=)

something to brighten up ur mood =)

2010-10-09T00:59:00.004+08:00

credits to olivia for this pic(found it in her tumblr) =)

whew! finally!

2010-10-07T00:35:00.003+08:00

ok, this post might have come abit too late but still....I HAVE GRADUATED FROM NP(albeit wif sucky results)!!

*jumps around in joy*

waited 6mths for this day to come....in those 6 mths i have tried to remain as i was, happy for my friends who have graduated and gone to ns. try to stay normal and tell myself that no matter wad taunts i face i have experienced worst that its nthing to set me back...well...i roughly achieved all that. and at least a gold cca cert along wif my diploma when i graduate.

i will leave this post at this point 1st. period. nites all

ICONT paper...and some other things..

2010-09-05T01:47:00.002+08:00

hmm...ICONT paper...din go too bad...at least i gt confidence to pass the paper, not score...be happy if i can get a C or even D+. the paper...manage to make my writing hand ice cold and numb. i dunno even know wad happen. cos i realise i had only have 30mins to the paper and im still on the last question!(i do the back questions 1st so its 5,6,7,1,2,3,4). i was smiling to myself when i saw the 1st question though, calibration table. and its the easiest table i have done! but overall, im still scared.

so now im trying to destress myself but not to the point of stopping my brain. facebooking took some of my thoughts off my brain but still. it wasn't enough. so i thought of jubeating. and today me and daniel are suppose to go book the badminton court. but along the way go collect my pay haha...i meet him at 12.30..late as always ><" and meet him at timezone, decide to jubeat cos he decided to treat me to one game haha. i being no money at that time, consent to it =D. played a game. feels good. then go and collect my pay at sw, lol, initially wanted brownies but in the end had waffles instead xD. after which, we head back to bb bus interchange where i go straight up to buy my powercard. 20 bucks man now i can afford. ><" . then i go well not spam jus play like 2 games of jubeat b4 going to bt.gombak sports hall to book the courts but in the end it turns out that all the time slots are fully booked and so we gt no choice but to go back home lor...afterwards go back out again because i cant resist the urge to jubeat.....

when i reach westmall, i saw lots of noobs...and i try not to compare because i was once like them oso. then i wait patiently for my fav. machine, the one nearest to the DDR machine. careful of any1 that might take away my position as " the nxt one to play" i make my intentions obvious thru glares of " dun-u-hog-the-machine" and " im-next-you-wait" . then i play, i feel that when i play jubeat i tend to forget myself. its like a high i get. then it hit me, im addicted to jubeat...AGAIN! but jubeating helps me sort of destress, me being myself. i oso realise i like the attention i got from other ppl by jubeating...attention as in ppl looking at me play. not those that stand besides me and be distraction. have i become an attention seeking guy? hmm...maybe i am. but then maybe i just wanted ppl to acknowledge wad i do bah...

jubeating for me have turn out to be a form of escape...no matter how i dunwan to escape i end up doing so. because i just want to forget...all those painful memories. pretending to be happy. how long more can i maintain that facade until i can meet someone that i can fully tell everything thats buggy me? psychologist or counselor dun work, cos i dun trust them.

if i can shout i would really want to shout, i wanna cry. but i only want to do so...i dunwan any1 to see me cry yet i want some1 to comfort me when im being so. i wanted to shout it out but i dunwan to be labeled as a retard. my heart is now like a .rar file, its very compressed with all my emotions that i dun think its appropriate to let ppl know.when i feel that i shld not be using that tone, when i dun wish to make a scene just because of a very small thing. i always give in to others to the point i jus take wadeva that was given to me, till when everybody make use of me le and im like outlive my usefulness le then cast me aside.

lol...i dunno facebook can 'defriend' someone...i know can block. but dunno can dun friend someone...does wad i wrote sound nostalgic? whens the last time u heard ur friend saying "i dunwan/ dun friend u anymore hmph!" haha...anyway...just to make every1 know abt this , i am not a psychic therefore i dunno wad is ur hidden meaning! i dun get subtle msg/hint! pls just tell me directly be it good or bad. i may take it bad but i will be fine after afew mths...i swear that i would never commit suicide(except if i am captured by the enemy during war and have no choice but to do that)

i <3 jubeat! i love myself? i <3 to GET THE HELL OUT OF NP AND GO NS AND GET ON WITH LIFE OMG!

exams stress

2010-08-29T23:28:00.004+08:00

ICONT paper and MMM paper coming le!!!!!! ahhhhh!!!!!!!! *runs around*

-looks at printed past yr paper-

expression-->(@___@?)

"ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....i blur!!!!!!! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" x___x

natsu matsuri 2010

2010-08-23T20:04:00.003+08:00

natsu matsuri this year is rather special! mainly cause...i NEARLY FORGOT ABT THE EVENT!!! ><" special thanks for hwee khim for reminding me , oli oli for making that day hyper and fun espacially the bon-odori!=D and also thank you daniel and kok loon for coming along haha! i sort of drag both of them to the festival ><. im glad they enjoy themselves! haha!

was telling them(khim, daniel and kl...but mostly daniel and khim) how bad the Queue will be if they are late...how im gonna RUN to the candied apple stall and how fun the bon-odori will be.
thank hwee khim again for helping us get the advanced tickets! although ur still VERY late....-.- . saw oli, damien and jeremy at arnd 3+...its really a long time since i saw them...miss oli the hyper girl..hahaha!

bon-odori was really fun! and as quoted by some1 i cant rmb who..." this is way btr than gym man..." N I TOTALLY AGREE!

haha! i tot i might get to invite some1 to go this yr...but oh well...if she is not interested, i cant be bothered to ask her. and even if i wanted...i DID nearly forget abt the event so its like the very last min. thing. though its good to go to festivals with girls haha....oh well...wait till nxt yr bah!

let me end off with :"CHAN MALI CHAN HEY!!"(JUMPS!)

on the plus side...

2010-08-23T19:04:00.002+08:00

jubeat knit has arrive at WEST MALL!!!! TIMEZONE UR SLOW FOR 1 WHOLE YEAR BUT ITS OK!!!! yay!! but its 3 songs for $2....like zonex and tka...currently..since they have gone into the price competition as well..i do hope that (for the sake of every jubeater in sg) they will lower the price and increase the songs! 4 songs for $1.5o is very good market if u ask me...haven't u been earning a bigger buck when u set that setting?

hate post...totally

2010-08-23T18:45:00.004+08:00

ok...thats it..i had enough! i will officially said it that i :

*REALLY HATE agents(talkative bitches)
*hate loud brats
*hate idiotic teachers
*hate nonsensical talks and expects me to smile/nod in agreement
*hate to be left out
*hate to be suddenly pulled into an argument

and i wanna said it again! i HATE agents! so much that i actually developed a phobia from them! because they will try to corner u. and try to stop u. and once ur stopped. hoho, in their mind its like "1st stage cleared!" then will ask u some of their must-ask questions. THEN....they will tell u to go sit somewhere to talk...often, with the tempting phrases of "very quick one","abt 5mins only"...and OFTEN, those fcking talks will end up in MORE than 5mins or their promised time. and when i say talks i meant psycho-ing talks...and i hate that...IF I WANT TO BUY UR INSURANCE I WOULD HAVE GONE TO U INSTEAD RIGHT? if u wanna ask how deep i hate agents? i would if ur my friend and u happen to become an agent , i would still be ur friend...until u tried to sell me ur insurance.

reason why i hate brats is mainly cause of jubeating. brats = kids who are schooling and do not know how to play but act as if they know and shout and talk loudly as if they are pros...and try to act pro by trying to have a 'pro' stance while playing. they not only piss people off by their actions, they are very full of themselves. how to make them shut up? trash them in the things they are so proud of. done. did i mention that they have useless parents that dunno how to control their kids? parent these days really have a good way of teaching their kids huh...phailed.
Does it ever gets it to you when u are trying excellent a song? and some loud brat shout of something that distracts u(like leaning onto the machine too close), then 1 BLUE...u know how fcking SIAN u will feel?

1000 words by sweetbox

2010-08-21T02:59:00.002+08:00

this is a very OLD song(as quoted from someone), but its still nice...i have it in my playlist...yea just scroll down hahaha....heres the lyrics :

1000 words
----------------------------
I know that you're hiding things
Using gentle words to shelter me
Your words were like a dream
But dreams could never fool me
Not that easily

I acted so distant then
Didn't say goodbye before you left
But I was listening
You'll fight your battles far from me
Far too easily

"Save your tears 'cause I'll come back"
I could hear that you whispered as you walked through that door
But still I swore to hide the pain when I turn back the pages
Shouting might have been the answer
What if I'd cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart?
But now I'm not afraid to say what's in my heart

Though a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
Crossing over the time and distance holding you
Suspended on silver wings

And a thousand words
One thousand confessions
Will cradle you
Making all of the pain you feel seem far away
They'll hold you forever

The dream isn't over yet
Though I often say I can forget
I still relive that day
You've been there with me all the way
I still hear you say

"Wait for me, I'll write you letters"
I could see how you stammered with your eyes to the floor
But still I swore to hide the doubt when I turn back the pages
Anger might have been the answer
What if I'd hung my head and said that I couldn't wait?
But now I'm strong enough to know it's not too late

'Cause a thousand words
Call out through the ages
They'll fly to you
Even though I can't see, I know they're reaching you
Suspended on silver wings

Oh, a thousand words
One thousand embraces
Will cradle you
Making all of your weary days seem far away
They'll hold you forever

Oh, a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
They'll carry you home and back into my arms
Suspended on silver wings ohhhh

And a thousand words
Call out through the ages
They'll cradle you
Turning all of the lonely years to only days
They'll hold you forever

a thousand words.
~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~
nice song right~? but i gt another nice song coming up! its suteki da ne by rikki!

heres the lyrics to the song :

suteki da ne
----------------------
kaze ga yoseta kotoba ni oyoida kokoro
kumo ga hakobu ashita ni hazunda koe

tsuki ga yureru kagami ni furueta kokoro
hoshi ga nagare koboreta yawarakai namida

suteki da ne
futari te wo tori aruketa nara
ikitai yo
KIMI no machi ie ude no naka

sono mune
karada azuke
yoi ni magire
yumemiru

kaze wa tomari kotoba wa yasashii maboroshi
kumo wa yabure ashita wa tooku no koe

tsuki ga nijimu kagami wo nagareta kokoro
hoshi ga yurete koboreta kakusenai namida

suteki da ne
futari te wo tori aruketa nara
ikitai yo
KIMI no machi ie ude no naka

sono kao
sotto furete
asa ni tokeru
yumemiru
~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~"~~~
hahaha! as the same as the 1st song, this song can be found in my playlist as well!

if u realise it by now both are FFX song! gt afew more but i like these 2 the most! cause they really bring out the emotions in u...

fucked

2010-07-24T22:06:00.002+08:00

yea...thats the word i can only say...for now...i dunno wad else i might say on this coming Thursday. friday, i reach sch at farking 11.30am+, its not early nor issit too late...since my FYP ends at 5pm. so i call my group leader when he is coming down to do the wiring since he knows the circuiting. and i dare not to do my own circuiting because i dunwan another short-circuit. so i call him, when he pick up the phone. he just woke up. ok...since its him, its considered his nature rather habit le...nvm. so i waited for him....till 12.30pm..go dabao lunch and eat at fyp room. then go back to room 1 to wait again....1pm+ i sms him where is he, from woodlands to school oso wont take that long right? he reply back say he 15-30mins will reach...ok. fair enough since he gt give a range.....then comes 3pm, still no signs of him. im tired, im pissed, im stressed. inside room 1, i couldnt understand his circuits, i cant do the things he wanted. even mr William oso dunno wad is he drawing. so i dulan i jus do my own wiring. then that groupmate of mine finally show his face at u all guess wad time? FARKING 4PM! jus to remind u all that my FYP ends at 5pm! then say he so late come in cos of report....i was thinking " report more impt than practicality?" to do a report u must 1st FINISH the hands-on project?...totally wtf..WTF i tell u. i alrdy sian1/2 le. then he bomb me with all the reasons why he wants it to be so...i gt so frustrated that i jus tell him " eh...dun confuse me, jus tell me wad to connect and where" cb...monday i will go fyp room at 8am to chiong my project. no more joke le....panel is nxt wk the rest of my class alrdy finish theirs le...why only us? issit because we slack too much? issit because we test too late? no matter. now is crunch time and we have less than 24hrs to fix up the wiring....if u think abt it...seriously! ><"

jubeat knit

2010-07-22T23:43:00.003+08:00

the new version of jubeat is coming out! this is jubeat ver. 3.0

hahaha!!! YES! its coming out on 29th july according to my sources. its been a long time since i last resurfaced from the jubeat community. get ready to feel the aura or SIANSTER once again!!!! hmm...wonder wad new ign shld i call myself now...hmm....i gt 2 cards now...my princess card is sianster while my regular card is rand0mon...well with knit, i guess i can quit calling myself as a member of the ex singapore jubeat group, the mon group.

summary of today's event.

2010-07-22T20:01:00.002+08:00

woke up at 7.30am todae...have a gleeful tot that "yes! im finally be able to go to sch early!" then i look at my warm pillow with the sound of the morning rain as an additional background sound effect, i succumb to the temptation of slping more for afew min. then nxt thing i knew i woke up and look at the clock...8.52am..this time my mind goes "oh...FUCK! not again!?" then hastily go wash up and left home. cab to sch was....well a near disaster. because i had met the enemy of every person who is in a rush and worst, alrdy late : TRAFFIC JAM. i jitao jus sian in the cab. eyes wanna slp. brain not working. only things thats working is my senses and the brain nervous system haha...anyway...manage to get to class at a suprising 'early' time of 9.30am did i tell u wad time was my lesson? its 9am-.-. anyway, after my 30min lesson. i gt practical...turn out to be viva >_>". then after the disastrous viva. its lunch and fyp all the way...i feel that i am actually doing something today. cos time really flies when im in my fyp room. tml i will do the wiring and hopefully they dun short circuit again or else my project will really burn.

hmm....these wk i realise im beginning to eat at home more...perhaps its cause i dun have anything to do at sch so i might as well go home...and also i now have my guitar(^_^) can practice at home.

*i shld not get lazy with practicing guitar

although i did say that but then i gt more impt things to worry abt than guitar practicing le...after all these ends bah...i wanna pass my exams and graduate from np. and try to slp early too ><

time

2010-07-22T02:30:00.002+08:00

in a blink of an eye. this wk is ending yet again....coming to terms with that, this wk is also the last wk of my fyp. i really wish that me and my partner will be able to complete the whole thing. make it up and running....something which is suppose to be done last last week but then a rather unfortunate incident happened. our control box short-circuited and nearly caught fire. i burnt 2 of my fingers in the process....reason being i panic and try to pull the melting wires off the battery. oh well...good that i din die. but in any case our control box is screwed. but a good thing is that not everything is totally destroyed. at least our charge controller still works. if we are gonna make this project work...it gotta be this wk. i admit that in this fyp im not doing most of the brainstorming. but i feel like being the hands of my group leader. because i wanna do the practicals. anyways. this is a rushing yet relieving week for me...i dunno why.

guitar practicing is going well...im practicing almost daily(stopped yst and todae) at nite...learnt that wad im practicing is the D family not G family....haha...thanks edmond of the link u gave me todae. its very useful. and if all goes well...i may well be able to play my 1st song on guitar!! yay!!! its call stand by me by Ben E king. i like the song and i wanna play it...beside the song...i oso gt afew other songs that i wanna play but then i nd to master the basics 1st...

been pondering alot...whether shld i restart my driving lesson. i really shld. but then thinking of the cost jus scares me. if i were to go for TP again...it will be $160(TP)+ $220(practical lessons)+ $25(PDL extension)+ possible FTT retest = $500+...that is actually a scary amount for me now.

i shld be in control over my jubeating habit now....but then 9+6 = $15 on jubeating jus 2 days alone....need to stop le haha...at least till knit comes to sg.

wish me luck...lots of luck haha nites world

it was never ur fault

2010-07-03T02:05:00.002+08:00

dun think too much my dear, its not ur fault. everything now lies with me....i am now a person wif crushed Morales and tend to think too much and way ahead of myself....dun think that everything is cause of you. you may hurt me in some ways yes. but what u have brought me is worth more than anything else....i know wad im going to say isn't gonna help much and its not gonna work since we are miles apart. but im still gonna say it " if ur hurt, tell me about it. if u need a shoulder to cry for, i will lend u mine." for i cant stand having a girl like u crying or sad. i may not be the strong and brave guy that will help u whack ppl. but i will be there with u when u needed someone. after all, wad are friends for? its not that im asking u to do alot for me....all i ask is for 1 thing in return...dun leave me.

haha...and besides, im used to emo-ing alone and picking myself up. so even if u are not there for me. it doesnt really affect me........somewhat.you are...after all, my lovely sunshine. always being bright and chase my gloomy clouds away. so dun blame urself for my undoings. i may not know why u are hurt, i may never know. but i do know that once u cry finish, emo finish. its time to move on and one of the ppl that will be taking u by the hand and telling u to move on will be me. =) so cheer up. u still gt a week left. go for it!

in my mind....going thru so many things....just so many...

2010-06-29T01:26:00.002+08:00

how to say....how to start...im flustered, im stressed out, im sick(yea i am) , im disoriented....why?why?why? perhaps i can shortlist them into afew things bah,
1)money
2)time
3)sch
4)ppl

money is never enough for me, no matter how much i try to save. there will be some stuff that i need to buy, some stuff i need for that month and strangely enough, all those stuffs are EXPENSIVE. yes i admit i spent alot on food. but hey, ppl need to eat. hope nxt mth(coming in 3 days time) will be enough for me.

nowadays i find that 24hrs is not enough for me. really too many things to do and too little time, everywhere is fill with restrictions. theres time limit for everything. i want more than 24hrs and that include the 8hrs of uninterrupted sleep. that will make 32 hours...doesnt sound that bad huh. if only thats true...well...human lifespan will shorten very quickly hahahaha....ha...ha.

school huh....how do i start...i can start with them sending me another warning letter. scare me thought i gonna get debarred again like applied mech. now that i think abt it...its always mechanics that got me into trouble...haiz...but in any case. yea timetable shld not be that jia lat...but i dunno why i cant get up in time...todae for example, i woke up late. but then i gt a bad cough and explain to tcher...heng. haiz..we got back our ct paper, i gt 48/100 how nice is that....and just as i tot icont is a gone case...i realise i pass it...64/100. not a good score but beats getting a 55. shld pay more attention to the tcher this term...ending liao...need to pass both modules oh yea...not forgetting project management. that makes 3. then get my cert. AND PROVE MY PARENTS WRONG.

did i let my parents down when im in poly? i suppose i did...repeating 1 sem is nver a good thing to say out. but hey how different issit for me to say out oso? i may look as if i couldnt be bothered by it. but actually i am. i dun cry out doesnt mean i dun care, i dun chiong doesnt mean i din learn my lesson. but i alrdy repeated 1 sem le...wad to do? life HAS to go on....u think i dunwan to go for my graduation WHICH IS SUPPOSE TO BE THIS YEAR LAST MTH!? of cos, my friends graduated i feel happy for them. why i dun feel sad? cos i know i will be graduating nxt year. im using all my Morales i can find to chiong finish my remaining modules...then the letter came...haha, turns out that my parents, like my lecturers are looking at me as a repeat student. how great is that? wonderful. last time if i hear those coming from my parents i will cry myself to slp...now? i really couldnt be bothered liao...they speak in dialect hoping im aslp and cant hear. never thought it will turn out to be this way...i WILL pass this freaking course and get my freaking diploma...

feeling really lonely now. i dunno how to explain this kind of feeling. its like someone in my life left me, just like how my grandfather did when he pass away. reading her blog has become like a routine habit for me...jus a click on her link and see if she is ok....her recent post jus hint me strongly that i have alrdy lost. haha....i shldnt be feeling this way towards her...i make sure i killed this feeling of mine alrdy. i know the outcome le...but......somehow or another, it always got revived. i dunwan to care anymore. leave jiu leave bah...after all, old friends go and new friends takeover. but memories will never go away, only...to change from sweet......sour.......salty and bitter in the end.Hmm...yea.as for me? well, i have no reason to feel lonely on the outside, after all, what are friends for ;) but for the heart? then yes,im lonely.

too many things to say too little time too little privacy...is there nobody i can trust? nthing in this world is safe for secrets.

L.O.V.E = Lack Of Volatile Empathy

i dunno wad that means but im writing it anyways...now that nearly everyone is looking down on me, i can safely say that im nearly on the verge of breaking down. thanks for crushing my morales and wadeva support i have. thanks....i repeat i WILL PASS MY COURSE AND GET MY CERT. THEN I GO NS AND THATS HOW IM GOING IN. LIVE OR DIE I DUN CARE LE...i have gone pass the limit where i wanna plead innocence...i gave up on that liao..no point....just......no point

2010-06-27T15:52:00.001+08:00

just so many things to say but dunno how to start....here is not a really safe place to talk either......haiz

yikes!

2010-06-15T15:05:00.000+08:00

i see my irevo, i really chua sai....last time i rmb, im ranked 5K+ now im nearly 10K mark wtf?! benami bastard, dunwan sell append to other countries...zzzzzzz

unfinished post

2010-06-07T20:07:00.001+08:00

i have infact, lots of post i shld have post it up...but its always unfinished....when will i have the time to actually post everything up? *sigh*

oh well...

2010-05-26T13:18:00.002+08:00

monday was suppose to be my day. haha...guess it wasnt huh. oh well...can only blame myself for repeating a semester. =(.

for this wk. up until todae. i have been smiling for the camera for 3 days straight. haha. monday is kl's graduation ceremony, tuesday is morgan and daniel's graduation ceremony. and the whole week is jus meant for me to say grats to my friends who manage to complete their dip in 6 sems...will be my turn nxt yr =D jia you!

i survived monday lol

2010-05-04T12:19:00.002+08:00

yst my fyp project de most important product arrived. the fountain. wif it 30%-40%of the work is done le. then is the indemity form hand up....after that meet up for dinner. discuss abt camp. discuss until very tired. my eyes feels strained, abit of an headache. in short, im tired. XD

-----------------------------------------------------------

todae is free day for me...yea well...gt things to do, later meeting daniel and kl to go depot rd check out the dry ice. then after that.....see how lor

bz ar~

2010-05-03T03:01:00.003+08:00

1st wk of may = preparations for camp + panel presentation

2nd wk of may = final preparation of camp + make cake + deliver+ celebrate+ actual camp

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nuff' said abt my may's schedule at the moment.(mind u my 1st 2 wks are alrdy packed)

1st day of school....for the 7th time ><"

2010-04-21T09:10:00.002+08:00

ysterday my sem officially start again. why officially? cause i am suppose to go for fyp(that in the end din really go) and therefore doesnt really count as my vacation. but then again, because of so many things that happens during my vacation, i find that my vacation last sem was especially short and fast.

after my exams. started to work, go for camp meetings, play, slack. and in a blink of an eye, my 'vacation' over liao...and a new sem begins once again. my 1st lesson on monday start at 12pm. and my lecturer told us in a smiling way " in the whole of ME, there are only 2 killer modules. they are triple M and ICONT(smile)" fck...and i am doing them this sem....thanks for the tip -.-"...afterwards i went to cca fiesta is find my cca booth and stone there...then i go buy soup from subway(gt sudden craving). buy le going back that time i lose my balance and my left ankle bend 90 degrees, yea fcking hurts la. then i limp back to booth. i tot i sprained my ankle...cos i heard i a loud "crack!" but in the end i realise is i twist my ankle instead...not that serious..hahaha...so much for 1 day of school huh...

day 2 was quite uneventful, woke up in the morning prep to go out. met marcus to get his notes for triple M and ICONT. and met daniel on the way so we go have breakfast together and head to school to cca fiesta. then we stone at the stage behind our booth until 4.30pm when i head off for work. met reylyn along the way hahaha...gt new staffs at work...and i kena E again..lol..dunno shld be sad or happy liao. anyway...my impression of the 2 new ppl is good and bad. 1 guy and 1 girl. the guy rather enthu abt his new found job. lol..everything also wanna know..impression...not that bad...the girl? haiz...i dunno wad to say her...i mean...she is older than us. talk to us (or rather...to me) have the i-alrdy-know-and-im-older-than-u-so-know-ur-place tone...which jus make me buay song la...but i kept quiet...cos i wanna know if my thoughts are correct. so i wait it out and see.....and im still waiting to see.

a long updated post

2010-04-10T02:40:00.004+08:00

it has been quite a long time since i post something...to those that wanted to hear my 'emo problems' wif 'much enthusiasm'...i apologise for the disappearance act. cos these few days or weeks have been very busy for me....let me recount as much as i can yea? haha....

i dunno whens the last time i feel like posting le....i now like machiam quit playing jubeat le...konami is still a bastard. but anyway...i oso no time to play jubeat. let me recall abit more. ah yes..my cca chalet. i go for the chalet and find it fun n had a wonderful experience. i wanted to let them watch batsu game hospital edition and or version but forgt to bring my charger set. best -.-" . kl brought the drinks that me, kl, daniel and morgan kup to buy. we bought absolute vodka and baileys original. 1st nite daniel intro me anchor beer. taste...soso nia...until the 2nd day. so anyway...1st nite gt bbq and i ate practically nthing for the entire bbq, but i was too engross wif playing mahjong wif my friends. ppl always say that "when one plays mahjong, one will show his inner self whether he wants it or not." i find this sentence very true cos i observe one guy while he is playing wif us...he's luqman, beside the fact that he is not very good at playing. he curse and swears whenever some1 pong his tile or something and always say " fck la...lost alrdy" or " cannot win alrdy" adding to the fact that its depressing, its also fcking irritating to me...can see his face turn black lor....can sense other players arnd him oso diam diam...haiz...but then after that estella came wif her family, her brother was so cute when he play mahjong wif us. XD. cant use words to describe! he's jus cute!. yea...then after bbq and mahjong and everything, its time to open up the alcohol , again, luqman wanted to join in cos apparently, he, nver drank b4 becos of his religion. we ask him if its alright and he said its ok....so yea we shrugged and let him in our drinking group. we all pour mixes as beginning while talking and playing card games. arnd the tables are me, morgan, daniel, estella, luqman.(cheryl join us later) and we all finish our mixes without any difficulty. then luqman start to stand up and said he felt good. and goes arnd us talking and saying he is not drunk and such....(he is..if not he's high) and he is somehow oblivious to the fact that we ALL are silent and playing our card or watching him walking arnd. then he went back to slp. i think it was at that time my impression of him started to crumble. then later at nite cheryl join our drinking session and i act drunk by asking if she wanted to drink kneat =D...so i pour her a shot of vodka and said " eh...wait..i give u rock!" and so i took a clean cup and scooped a chunk of ice and then proceed to wobble towards her seat. haha...i still rmb wad i said
" hey...gib me ur rock"
-cheryl hands over her cup of vodka-
"hmm? thats liquid...where my rock?"
-look at my hand -
"ahh!! theres my rock!"
then i pour the ice into her cup and she asked " hey...u ok mah?" i replied :" im fine" then suddenly i walk back straight and sat down as if nthing happens haha xD tht was then daniel said " dun worry, he can drink...he acting drunk onli "
dammit, expose me...><"

after some chit chats we all went to slp and estella complains her heartbeat very fast haha...maybe cos she slping wif eric, too excited liao =P. but then slping on the hard bed is hard...i manage to get some slp after 5am cos johan wake up and go home le...then morning comes and cheryl choose to slp on my bed...i woke up and jus stone infront of her...then she wakes up and when i saw she open her eyes, i said " good morning cher-" the sentence was nver completed cos she attempted to spearkick me when she 'stretch' her legs...she became my most effective alarmclock sia...im wide awake le...then we go wild wild wet...play until evening. along the way we keep telling him that he gt drunk and spout nonsense the day b4 and he jus.dun.admit zzzz...anywaygo eat dinner, go back chalet rest. and along the way, luqman, still say he is good at drinking(bullshit much?) and as statedby my friends, he said he can drink wadeva i drink and drink btr than me" its when i snapped and jus tell him " since u say u can drink, later i give u 2 shots"and later when we are back to drinking session wif the grp. i pour him 2 shots worth and tell him " drink up! i dun care how u drink it i want the cup to be emptied!" he give the wah-lao-liddat-lah look and tbh, i dun give a fuck. and he said " fine i drink" and drank everything down and said " see? im not drunk! ha!" well...its vodka...side effects can onli be seen later...wad an asshole...in the end daniel ask him to go back to the chalet and slp. and he agreed to it and was knock out soon after...it was then i jus explode....knnccb...wanna challenge wif me drinking issit. i may not drink well. but i know fucking well ur not a fcking drinker and if u cant drink dun challenge someone who drinks more than u do. i had a plan in mind to get him to drink wif me until one of us gt knock out. which im pretty sure its him. not me. hell...my impression of him was alrdy down the drain.

day 3, its time for us to check out of chalet and we go home...but b4 we do that, daniel suggested going out again later during the day. and so we did. 5pm at bukit timah plaza, kl and daniel and estella were waiting for me at kfc...im late as usual ><" i was still in a groggy state and wad goes out of my mouth din register wif my brain so i reach kfc le i tell the person " change my marshmallow to coleslaw. they give me a "huh?" face and tell me " sry we dun have marshmallows....we onli have mash potatoes" OMG....DAM MALU LA....>///////<" . told them wad happen and they went rofl...literally ><". then we proceed to go mambo to play pool but it was packed wif JC ppl and so we went back to kfc to kill time. daniel actually brought chinese chess, and i actually rmb how to play it haha! manage to win estella after she think for a LONG time...then yea the person at mambo call up and tell us theres a table rdy. and we quickly ran up to play...turns out that estella dunno how to play and its the 1st time she is playing pool....1st step in learning is always slow...that i can understand...but to play a 30min match wif kl...its torturous...not for her..but for us xD. then after the pool session we went back home . realise we gt our new clique in npsc...xD

a bond thats so easy to make, but seems so diffcult to break

2010-03-21T23:07:00.002+08:00

mon-team has officially disbanded. though its onli been a short while i alrdy miss the bondings that we had...as i recall, those bonds are so easily made u know, jus a short chat and intro is enuf to start chatting as if we are friends for 5 yrs when we met like wad? 5mins? .

during the time of the mons, we pratically meet up everyday. have dinner and talk crap after our game sessions. recently, we can still have dinner, but conversations topic seems to have run out. im thinking of semi retiring from jubeat le....until newer versions are out...

anyway...dam dam tired...later still nd to go mediacorp x.x....nites all

haiz...this feeling again..

2010-03-20T02:41:00.004+08:00

i havent been blogging alot i know, i havent post abt my 21st birthday, i havent post abt all the events up until now...well...now that i have the time and energy to blog it out. my birthday celebration with my friends can be summarised in jus 1 word : simple.

theres not big bang, me and my friends going wild while celebrating our birthdays. its jus a day we gather to relax and have fun. during my actual 21st birthday. my parents bought for me a set of things : wallet, perfume and key holders. an expensive set i would say. i really thank them. thank you daddy and mommy for my presents! =D dad bought a regular cake and we did the usual birthday rituals again. as u can see, my birthday is not spent wif all the big party ,catering, friends and family come together...im jus me and my family together and then resume our everyday lives. certainly im happy for other ppl's 21st birthday. i mean its the very age where u can pratically do anything that was previously age restricted. shld be a fun age. but then i dun feel the vibe...i jus dun feel it. 21st birthday certainly marks a new life for me. a life of adults, im now worried abt bank a/c, school, expenses...and if i can add, girlfriends...

anyway...my friends book a chalet at sentosa and we tot its luxurious but then up its like a couple room. theres nthing to do, nthing to eat, nthing to play. ok maybe running and swimming is on the few activities we had in the morning. dinner and lunch were eaten at vivocity. and i break my own record for having taken the most taxi trip in 1 day.

on the final nite me and yk drank gin till we high but not drunk...did some real stupid things which is still considered fun to me. anyway...slpt like a log and wake up the nxt morning wif heavy hangover....omg the headaches ar~!!

and then i cab home....put my things and slp. thats how i conclude my 21st birthday celebration. ohoh...did i mention my friend gt really drunk that we had to carry him onto the bed and he slide off the bed again -.-".

wonder why im so pissed

2010-03-05T01:38:00.002+08:00

amazing how this how fiasco started out as a comment made to me to take care of my friend btr...then it comes down to the jubeat team. can tell that friend of mine have alrdy misinterpret wad i said. fine.for some1 who is not playing jubeat. u dunno the politics and hows we do things, kick him out of the group? how can u kick one of the main founder of the group? *total shake head*

indirectly say im being inhumane sia....am i? yea i suppose i am. so say wad u want. i no longer want to retort. instead i will jus agree wif everything u said. cause less trouble for me and u.

wad i wanted to say have alrdy been summed up by wad i wrote in msn. up to u to read it and roughly understand, or dun give a shit

cny! a time to forgt and move on...

2010-02-13T22:24:00.004+08:00

with an good look at the time, its 55mins away from cny!!! YAHOO!!! haha...but i do not feel happy about it, nor do i really look forward to it anymore...it has become a routine for me...this is a bad sign...but thats wad i feel. maybe its cos the day of my one and only exam is coming and i havent finish my revision yet!!! omg!! panic really sets in.

for cny is like my annual gathering of cousins. cause, normally, we go our separate ways and nver get in touch...unless we go grandmother's house. its a time for me to talk with my cousins. after all, they are with me annually for the past 18-21 yrs of my life.

the word forget. is a very funny word. cause it can make a person angry, sad, happy when used on different occasion. well....the situation now is that i said i wanna forgt. but actually, i cant. so wad do i do? i will try to break all connections. and then try to move on...the moving on part actually took less than a day. but the forgetting part is the hardest to get by.

friends i know for 5 yrs can actually show me attitude. just because i repeat a sem. A supposedly close friend of mine actually make me feel so belittled that i felt my pride have been pierced. truly, when i said i dun have true friends...this is my evidence for it.

aren't friends suppose to be there to console u when u are down?
aren't friends (especially close ones) know wad u hate the most and avoid it?
true friends are those stay when the world walks out...that is so true i believe in it 100%.
i said i dun trust ppl, thats a lie, i trust ppl too easily. so easy that i can get hurt.
casting aside snide remarks, insults shot towards me does not really harm me cos i dun really care. i will just smile and walk away. but taking in mind wad u said.

somebody once told me that in work u are being access all the time. and i fully agree cause i access my friends everyday. spotting his/her attitude, habits. i dun really take habit into heart cos, no one is perfect, i have my bad habits too. and believe me, if i list out the bad habits i have, its enuf to write a book. but i look at attitude alot. in fact, its one of the things i judge my friends everyday when i go out.

if u realise, i still say i gt friends. cos i gt alot of friends. true friends?hmm....after much reviewing. nah...im striking out a couple out of the list le.

anyway, i cant defer anymore. napha is coming, still have 6 fcking mths to go b4 i end my poly life and move on wif NS life. woot!! i alrdy know no one will come and send me off when i go tekong and honestly i dun anticipate any1 to come unless u count my family. 20th i hope i can be moved to tears...i really hope so.

and i really dun wanna care anymore. berate me and i will just say "so be it"

i know i said something horrible to her just now, but i dun wanna care le...if u wanna see attitude, im giving u one right now.

oh wow.....look at it! its now 13mins to cny!!!! haha!!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

恭喜发财，万事如意，主里蒙恩！

and

情人节快乐 !!

how come the situation is reversed?

2010-02-05T00:36:00.002+08:00

oh well...gotta face reality...sg girls ARE like that...their standards are THAT high....did i mention that they also lack the sense of reality?.

wad is clubbing? its define as a term for wasting money on pointless drinking and dancing....socialising is jus an excuse.

wad are expectations? it is define as a form of pressure form by one's self in the hope of not disappointing other ppl.

wad are flashbacks? it is define as a form of thought of the past that flashes thru ur eyes at a random particular moment

wad are flash forwards? it is define as an ability to know the consequences of one's actions. *
* it is an ability almost that of an prediction. not much ppl have this sort of ability.

--------------------------------------

in the end, she nver did reply my qn....

riight....

2010-02-04T20:57:00.003+08:00

today had panel presentation. nver go well...gt fucked by the panel again....this time onli i kena. yst i notice i gt a block nose and dry throat...din thought much about since its been a common illness. so i pass it off....but it got worst at nite...and by todae when i wake up, i felt a sharp pain from my head...since i just wake up, again, i pass it off as some morning sickness. as the day goes on. i got more and more feverish, but i tot its the lack of slp and more ever, i still can tahan. so b4 the presentation, me and my fyp group chiong the ppt. im doing the calculations and was rather proud to say that i have done a good job for it....but then things din turn out this way....when i went into the panel room, i was alrdy feeling quite feverish le....manage to remain standing thruout the whole presentation and shooting from the panel....b4 i go in, msg X abt my sickness and the panel, haha she reply wif a jiayou...haha..yea i needed the support...then i tot of something mischievous, something...i know she will not say and wont say though i hope that she still reply. lol...there was no reply in the end. somehow im not surprised. its just that i feel that an additional boost would do me good in terms of morale...not that im disappointed and all...as the days go by...i felt weaker by the hour....its such a miracle i can muster the strength to walk to the bus stop and catch my bus. totally tired, headache, block nose and dry throat. go back home found out that i cant log in msn....feeling sucks......then i go slp le...hoping to regain my str again....but no...my temp rose from 37.1 to 37.7 and to 38.1 deg...nice. but im still not giddy. but with a splitting headache and a test tml...i would probably faint. lol...heng its not to be...my mom dabao fried rice and some noodles for the family...call me crazy but i ate the hong hong noodles and fried rice...and so tot i will def. be in coma the nxt day for high fever...lol...instead, the fever disappear and i slowly regain strength...lol! fighting poison wif poison siol lol...anyway...she did not reply my msges and tell me to stop sending those 'weird' msg....lol...my fault. u are right...ur not my gf...i shld stop sending daily msges. i realise, that i am but an irritant. from the way i see ur social network, ur in safe hands wif ur other friends.

LOL..
searching for the chc of 5 years ago
taken from a national day song :
(who are u my country~)
where are u...my chc~
===========================
bck to the days when all i had to worry is the damned exams and homeworks
bck to the days when i can laugh it all
bck to the days when i onli have 1 commitment :sch
bck to the days when i will slack wif my friends everyday after sch
bck to the days when i have no interest for anything except for planes
but those days will never come bck again
============================
will do some soul searching and will try to prevent myself from overdoing things.

in my thinking box rewinding the today's moment

2010-02-02T19:57:00.002+08:00

hmm....to put it simply, nthing happen todae haha...

and im an idiot...for i think i had indirectly caused someone to be sad because of my actions. im sry...its was never ur fault...its me.

some1 kill my feelings please...

2010-02-01T19:09:00.004+08:00

jus got to know that a friend of mine got dismissed from school for a module he is repeating...sadly for the 2nd time....but its not because he fail, its cos he gt debarred. and he told me his lecturer call his mom to tell her that he(my friend) has been dismissed(expelled) from sch. well...i dunno wad to say but to say i dunno hw to help u...im sry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

im sad, but i cant cry my hearts out.
i felt numbed.
as i feel the shattered pieces around me...i realise...god...are u here to make my life like shit?
for me, liking some1 is nver easy
loving some1 is harder
however...having a heart that's dead and revived just to die again....thats too much for me to take...i need a rest....a long one...the jubeat community is my hideaway now....for diff ppl and few ppl know me....i can smile on the surface....

the heaviness in my chest remains....

a twist of fate which i hate

2010-02-01T02:55:00.002+08:00

i hate flash forwards.
i hate flashbacks
i hate visualising something good...

i am not ok...

worst off than death.
im alive yet im dead
i wanna kill yet i dunwan to lose...
i hate myself.

nuff said

update?

2010-01-27T20:36:00.002+08:00

my bag has gotten more and more heavier le.dunno wad i chuck in oso...maybe becos of todae's lesson bah...

basically i will sum up todae's event : morning lesson, lunch, slack, eat, home. thats about all.

today's weather is great. nice sun, nice wind. rather cloudy oso.
nthing great happen when im having lesson until i proceed for dinner.
as i walk out of ourspace, my cold body is welcomed by the sudden warmness of the outside environment.and there too, have a light breeze that gently caressed my face as i walk towards makan place
dinner had nthing much to talk abt except that i order my kaki fuyong set that i havent touched for abt 2wks.
as i walk out....i found out that the wind has gotten stronger and as i let the wind blow against as i walk towards the side gate, i look up at the sky, smiled and close my eyes....im enjoying the wind.
slp on the bus. dream of her yet again.
getting more tired easily...i wonder y.

the one love drama i watch and really liked...till now

2010-01-23T13:29:00.004+08:00

u guess it...those who have seen my msn nick starting todae and for afew days will know wad im talking about =) the drama is call: winter sonata or 冬季戀歌 in chinese. korean name will be 겨울연가. hahaha...this is one of the most touching love K drama i watch and till todae remains the best drama in my list =D and the OSTs are very touching...nearly all the songs...touching and at the same time relaxing...love it.

did i ever mention that i love the wind? or shld i say i love the movement of air haha...cos i love the silent breeze as well. it feels great, the silent breeze brushing gently pass ur face as u walk. the strong wind that make ur hair all messed up. the wind has sometimes help me to blow away my saddness, my emoness, my troubles...wif the wind i can rewind and think back....flashbacks of my past.reliving them once again in my brain....cause they are sweet memories that i cant bring myself to forget. thats y...if any1 find me missing....dun worry im not suicidal, just look for a place where theres wind...i will most probably be there.

reading manga and watching anime has become ineffective in distracting me from u, i cant help but think of you,remember i said about being addicted to you? its true. each day without you talking to me has been torturous>< in order to try to forget this hardening feeling, i realise that i slp more often...but to no avail. cos when i slp, i dream of u again. but i know, that u r not interested in me and wad i do has been fruitless...i know! but...i cant control it, i just miss ur voice, ur attitude, ur everything. haha...i always scared that i might fall in love wif u and in order to avoid that i try to heck care everything and let the event unfold by itself. but its too late. haha.

i rmb u told me that if u dunwan others to read then dun blog. for that my dear, is not i dunwan others to read. it cos i dunwan u to read le then avoid me. cos thats the last thing i wan. i ponder long about whether to post this...u said if dunwan see can save as draft but then again i dun feel complete. >< im fickle minded. enjoy

______(fill in the blanks)

2010-01-18T11:15:00.004+08:00

never say i love you
if u really dun care
never talk about feelings
if they aren't really there
never hold my hand
if you are going to break my heart
never say you are going to
if u dun plan to start
never look into my eyes
if all u do is lie
never say hello
if u really mean good bye
if u really mean forever
then say u will try
never say forever
cause forever makes me cry

[taken from my hp wallpaper]

funny how this is suppose to wad a girl is suppose to say to a guy...but yea....im writing this to tell a girl, especially those 1st few lines. yst has been great. its too good to be real...almost a dream, yes it must have been a dream. and i wanna praise myself for having asked the most impt question to her....or else....i might still be dreaming...for me,dreams exists to be crushed. i wanna congratulate her oso...for she is the 2nd girl i know to be this close to me besides xm. i can tell for myself that i really like her. lol...last time im scared that she know...but now, theres no more hiding le...last time when we 1st met i know i like her le...jus wondering will happen and all...yea...end up i dun even nd to confess lor....my hints are too obvious lol....then after...its like mths after i meet up wif her again =) i had tot my feelings died down le....but no...in fact, it somehow gt revived...cos i jus got the tendency to "jus be wif her" and i think she knows it! yst has been too enjoyable for me that i can forget that i should keep my distance...i confess i wanted to be close to her thats y i dun mind. the fact that she hold my hand jus means so much to me....though still thank god i ask her the y/n question and though she beat around the bush...i manage to get the meaning...hmm....i dun really feel sad....but im not happy....dun feel like crying....until now. slpt at 3am yst...dream of her and the events that happen yst....its jus too good for me to wake up...too good. too nice. too surreal.

thanks again....though ysterday's talk abt going to other places....i dun think it will happen again =) its been enjoyable.

theres 3 words i wanna say to u b4 u go home but i never manage to say it out until now.
i love you :') <3

feelings revived___________(feel in the blanks)

2010-01-13T09:26:00.004+08:00

lol...dun really like to put titles cos i dunno wads my topic will be...i mean...this is a blog not an essay >.>"

this few weeks has been rather (short pause) interesting haha...1stly, i since sch start...i dun think i jubeat as much as i did during the holidays. lol, manage to survive 2 presentations. haha...1st time for me lol...*lvl up!* haha...last wk i go crash angie's friend's birthday lol...gt tricked by her to go lor...say wad " give flower nia" in the end like 11+ then leave...>.>" during the time she is...hmm....socialising...i go out and explore(since i dunno EVERYONE there) the condo. haha...took some photos of scenary and some things i find nice and photogenic. i feel really left out lor...(im not the really social-able kind) i jus more and more sian...cos after sch i feel tired le...then go jubeat while waiting for angie. my eyes and concentration lvl gt more strained. when she arrive, i sort of brighten up....did i mention she look cute that day? i gt the feeling that i wanna be wif her. cant described the actual feelings i felt. jus that crashing that party is a good thing and bad thing...good things are : i get to see angie again, indescribable feelings are found in me.bad thing : crash the party, did not socialise....leave her alone to chat wif her friends and go explore the area. note to self: do not abandon my partner lol...the rest of the story will remain in my memory =) i will end this post wif the following sentence.

and the very night...i dreamt of her.

[ps] k...i add in my title le...

haha...batok to ngee ann poly AGAIN

2009-12-22T19:32:00.003+08:00

hahaha....as my title says...todae i ride my bicycle from batok all the way to ngee ann poly again! hahaha! i take it as a very good exercise for me....as those who know...i dun really and seldom exercise. yea...woke up @ 10 in the morning...the time for me to meet my friend to cycle together....yea yea....im late ><") and cause i dun have anything soft to sit down...i rode on my bic while sitting on the original HARD and solid bicycle seat. and when i tot going uphill is torturous, i encounter a hell lot of humps and every time i ride over those humps, the bicycle seat bump into my ass....yea..really felt high liao...the whole journey to and fro i got analed by the bicycle...my own bicycle><" yea...ride to school without riding on roads cause gt experience le....so me and marcus become smart and ride on the sidewalks lol...he wanted to try the backgate....which means uphill, i sian diao but still try anyway...he ride it up while i push my bic up...when we reach sch, we go visit kl in his fyp room cause our very intention that day is jus to play l4d2 and his com has it...turns out that he is busy wif his fyp so we wait for him....end up marcus bth him and ask me go ride around np....rather fun though...we explore all the slopes and play wif all of them...most fun is the curve downhil from SIM to blk 72 b4 the blk was demolished....nxt slope is from ilumi clubhouse go down turn right into the main road...rather dangerous so be sure to check out traffic(very impt*) other places oso fun but yea...nthing worth mentioning

on the way home saw an accident from wad i see...is the taxi buang into the incoming lorry...sad case...raining somemore...haiz....but when i got back...im tired, dirty and wet...1st thing to do is bath liao....>< yea then talk in msn and skype until now lor...

haiz tired...tml have work!!!! ok..end of post hurhur nites all

no more paper le...hols? oh yea babeh~!

2009-12-18T07:58:00.002+08:00

hahhaa...after 2 wks of mugging. i finish my last paper yst...i studied hard for the common test. and have confident that i will score my paper...espacially for applied thermo. i spent 1wk b4 common test week to mug the module....in the end it paid off....although gt afew mistakes here and there ><". then comes ESD...that one....i chui-ed...memorised all the pointers end up using abt 75% of it...lol...ok la not much..at least i aim for 60/100.....at least la...though if i can pass i happy le...hahhaha....

on a side note, i finally become a platinum le in jubeat le!! woo~! but then wif sucky score la...lol...try to fc all songs except for the new and old lvl 10s....i realise that i have lot of fun hanging out wif the jubeat clique....they are jus so much livelier than the groups i know lol...i can play hard talk cock and have fun....lets see the regulars....shermin, heki, kurobe(alias), lucas aka lulu aka lucy, janice, jenson, terence (gepi), doraemon (peng) and afew more hahaha.

jubeat is a game i dunno whether i want to quit anot...append is coming out soon and i love the clique...hur hur

a truly touching story

2009-11-16T16:18:00.005+08:00

so touching i cried....it really soften my heart....maybe i go back home and use this vid to cry xD

this is the vid:

a moving story

gloomy ah~!

2009-11-08T23:32:00.002+08:00

phrase of the day :silence is golden =)

that phrase...was used by my friend, agreed by me during my sec days...its soo true....jus diam diam....gt problem ownself solve...y nd to ask others for help? espacially if its personal problems...OWNSELF solve...other ppl help will jus make u or rather...me, feel worst...thats right...i have a habit of telling ppl my problems in the hope that by telling them my problems they can understand me more or rather be more close me....HOW WRONG I WAS....so now...dun expect me to say anything...the most i will say is my day sux...thats all...

did i do the right thing?

2009-10-29T15:02:00.002+08:00

hmm...this...happened 2 days ago....i dunno if im doing the right thing or not....but i feel like blogging it out...

i went out to buy food and along the way...i encounter an elderly man....thats blind..yes he have a white walking stick...and he is in the middle of the road....nobody....not even 1....came to help him...and theres a group of boys jus standing there watching 'show'...idiots...REAL IDIOTS...gt me so fed up...i auto go help the old man cos,
1st) he is blind
2nd)he is in the middle of the road
3rd) he looks pathetic

so i go help...the 1st thing to do is to get him off the road...whichever direction oso can...then try to settle his problem...so i ask him wad issit...he said he wans some1 to help him buy chicken rice...2 packets...i said ok...wait for me here(at the place where i escort him to) then i go buy...the 2 packets cost 6 bucks but then when he ask like "do i nd to return u money?" i get the feeling " no la its ok la....u so pathetic le...nvm la...6 bucks...take it as a good deed lor" so i said " errrr.....no nd la...becareful on ur way home hor bye bye" ...the buy my things...go home...lol...but i kept thinking if i shld have ask him for the 6 bucks....shld i or shld i not have treat that blind man 2 chicken rice.....? hmm....

dam...im laughing at this.....

2009-10-25T03:09:00.002+08:00

some1 recently jus told me:
if u tink no one understands u, then no one will ever understand u

haha....i intepreted this meaning as : i understand you, but u think no1 understands you....if thats the case the no 1 will ever understand u...right.

if wad u say is right....and my interpretation is correct, did you...in fact any of you ask urself y would i even feel this way? reason is simple, i dun feel it...U think u understand me....then tell me wad u know abt me...

of cos...that applies to me too!...but so far...i dun tink i understand any of you.. no...in this life i will NEVER say i fully understands this/that person...

_______________________________________________________
treating u as a friend means no more mr nice guy....distance will widen and we WILL eventually lose contact...i cant chat like always le...i take into consideration over wad u type....and this will be a good news to you...i will be straight forward in wad i said...i MIGHT try to lessen to dmg by using not alot of hostile words...therefore if i said im pissed...im really pissed...

slowly turning the feelings back to nthingness....u did a great job in stopping me in my track b4 i completely fallen for you...u have my thanks.

think abt wad i said.....think abt it.......do U (points at you) think u understands me?

before u read...read the rules

2009-10-20T13:21:00.002+08:00

rules:
before reading, pls keep in mind that this is a personal view from wad i tot
therefore i am not bothered by wad u thought
do not comment if u feel upset
alt+f4 if u are offended...

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

i feel think that women are crafty and in some cases vile creatures...now why do i say that?
cos they will make use of u...drain wad u have...then when u outlived ur usefulness , they will dump u aside and find excuses to throw u away...often using feeble attempts to make u feel btr by saying nice words to you...i often feel that im always been make used of, do this for u...do that for u...i feel that i gain nothing when im doing something for ppl...i often ask myself why im so stupid to accept and trouble myself...but its cos im stupid that i dunno hw to refuse ppl, cos i always feel that i dunwan to be useless...nw i feel that im being taken for granted...used and dump the kind...

if u disagree with wad i said...prove to me that im wrong...let me feel that im not being used for nthing...not getting used and dumped when i have outlived my usefulness.

time to move on

2009-10-19T13:29:00.002+08:00

haha...im a fool...to harbour thought that i can be with you...just a fool...haha!!
dam...its over faster than i thought it would be xD
now i know.......

if u think that i have written it using white colour again...pls wipe that tot off ur mind =)

moving on...did i felt free? or did i feel upset? alittle of both? im alrdy abit numbed le...best not to think abt it haha...
im laughing again! issit sadness? no....im laughing at myself xD omg its sooo laughable! hahahahaha! im not planning to go back....i will jus go iluma bah...play game, drink until drunk...oh wait....I CANT! cos i gt sch the nxt day and work! haha! work! talking abt that...im beginning to feel piss off with the way jeanne and teresa do things...right now...im ok to bear it...i nd the income....but once i find a btr job...im off. haha....there is no nd to face ur fcking faces once i quit...u work long hrs can do E can step on me alot le right? jus cos i forgt hw to make and u knw u can scold me? sure...do wad u wan...im beginning to phase out of irritation to frustration le...fck up bitch...

hahahahahahaha!!! im laughing...at myself, at the world, at work.....im crazy and i like it...wads so bad abt laughing? but pls bear that in mind...laughing does not mean happiness

my cbox is left untouched...haha...realise jus hw much i meant to others...nthing...if lets say u read this post and felt im pitiful then i dun nd ur sympathy....im alone...always is...change me only if u really care...if u dun have the ability to do that...dun waste ur energy...pulling me out only to drop me deeper in the abyss isnt wad a 'good' friend would do...those of my 'friends', if u read this....search ur hearts...and tell me...where are all of you when i really need u? if u think u cared sry i dun sense it...cos im currently very lonely......

tml...

2009-10-19T02:07:00.002+08:00

mondae...technically todae and still is tml for me haha...when i go slp and wake from my slp...a new sem will start again and i will be busy again...this time i want to study more, go out more and work less :P....nxt sem...i will

-try not to be late as usual
-try to be more optimistic
-go out more often
-learn new things
-regain my poly life again....
-die from poly life haha

i realise i laugh alot...often my "haha" mean alot of things...can be cos its funny, sometimes im being sarcastic , being cold, sometimes i jus said haha just to make noise...no 1 understands my laughter...i laugh when im sad, i laugh when im happy, i laugh when im pissed off at my life, i laugh...at anything and everything....cos laughter is wad exchanges my true feelings and emotion...everytime i have an overwhelming feeling of hugging...not jus any1...jus a specific girl that i like for a long time...she dunno that i like her...thats the saddest part...cos...i dunno...i jus wanna be close wif her...i know im being selfish.but i wanted to held her close to me and nver let go...thats the emotion and feeling i get when i reflecting...i truly have a laughing face...i can smile at anything...even when i know ur scolding me...i will take it directly and yet smile...cos once u manage to wipe my smile off my face, rage will set in haha...nobody really understood my laughter de....and my smile...truly, they are my shield, my cover,my facade. cos i dunwan ppl to know my true emotions...haha...does that mean im deceiving every1 all this time? not really, sometimes i will sometimes i dun...the only person that can manage to break my facade will be the person that really care for me...and for this i will allow her to see my pitiful side...

issit ok for me to like her?

thats the question i ask myself even now...issit ok for me to like some1...do i even gt the potential...i know im boring...i cant help it...i even started to feel bad texting "hi, how are u?" or "hey...hows ur day todae?" to her liao...cos. i have no creativity to make it more interesting...i have always been like that ahaha....there are moments where i will stop to think "shld i text her this msg again" and i always will think " i dunwan her to hate me...see my sms nia will say"haiz..him again...hen fan leh" BUT in the end i still sms her...i find tht during work i cant conc. well cos my mind is thinking abt other things...worried abt her...i dunno la...jus not myself anymore lor..then when she talk to me i will like recharged one...there will come a day when its too late for me...or it has alrdy been too late...i dunno....im scared...but i dunno....

tml sch start le...nd to slp...nites=) tml mayb i will start to blog abt todae's work bah...

working@holland branch

2009-10-18T03:56:00.003+08:00

todae or shld i say yst...was my 1st day working at the holland branch shop....and all i did that day was to churn the ice cream cos kim i think cannot cope wif the huge amount of ice cream she have to make...well, the shop onli have 1 machine...wad to do? lol...mel brought in pizza but nobody really had the appetite to eat...i jus wanna churn my ice cream...no rest no nthing...i manage to do nthing but churn the whole day...and i seldom go outside to help...and i abit not used to the new surrounding...where i have to make my own float, milkshake, lemon tea...and wad not...done a VERY embarrassing thing when i shouted to the kitchen that i wan mocha float(thats the system in sunset way) when im suppose to be doing it outside omg...so pai seh la...the surrounding is serene yes...but it really gt alot of solo work...and i meant alot!i onli have 1 body, 1 pair of arms and a head...i cant be churning and tubbing at the same time...haha...oso we have a new machine call the blast freezer...this machine could blast freeze it so that it is available for sale in a very short time...so the system goes like this: make ice cream>put in tray until full>put tray into blaze freezer>wait for 20mins>take out and seal the tray>put into freezer. looks complicated..but its a somewhat simultaneous process...u just know haha...and i gotta admit...i was so dazed that when i churn...im thinking of sms-ing angie and chat wif her...y cant i talk to my other colleagues? 1) not really close 2) dun like some of their attitude 3) i like to mind my own business...haha. in the end we could not finish the all ice cream in time when we are closed....but as my last bus is gonna leave...kim give me permission to go back(wad a relieve). tml sunday i heard jeanne saying its 1.30pm~11pm...shiok...mondae i die liao....tml i am so gonna go cold storage and buy myself a nice chicken thigh for myself and eat it as my lunch...><

im not gonna try and hide it any longer...though its jus afew days since we last met...i have began to miss ur presence le...i look forward to the day you are free again so that i can take u out for a date =)

society these days

2009-10-17T12:07:00.003+08:00

rules of this post:
this is my point of view of todae's society, i believe freedom of speech is allowed in the net.
u can choose to continue to read or u can just press alt+F4
whether u agree or not is not my problem
if u agree and feel like commenting, u can drop a comment
if u disagree then pls keep the comment to urself

*********************************************

recently, i read a newspaper report abt a father scalding his 9 year daughter for stealing and caning her....her counselor found out abt the injuries and report the matter to the police, the dad nw face jail term a fine and possible caning sentence. after reading this...i thought to myself...wad has the singapore society becoming to? put aside the fact that the father IS violent....lets take a look at another POV.

i personally feel that the government or shld i say , the society of today is trying to control wad parents are suppose to do. in the beginning, its hit less talk more....the idea is that children shld have good childhood memories...without any memories of his/her dad/mom hitting him/her....thats a nice ideal isn't it...and they prove it by giving evidence that a child that has a rough past tends to be more violent...etc...etc...blah blah blah....all this...is society's pov! in an actual situation, sometimes u CANNOT DUN whack ur child...cos when a child is growing up, he/she need to understand discipline. every1 including animals sometimes need to learn it the hard way...if u dun...u dun learn from ur mistakes...thats wad its about. take a look at western countries...they talk all abt freedom and wad not....parents shld not hit their child....any children that gt hit can call help from children aid(an organisation)...then end up the child giving total disrespect to their parents...often screaming vulgarities and hitting them cos the children has a sense of security that nthing really bad would happen to them if they do it...the most is gt grounded and such....if they were in asia...they would not live to see tml's daylight...such disrespect! lets not jus compare the general asia and western community, lets zoom in further. to singapore perhaps.

as singapore is a multi-racial country, we are more or less being influence by western AND Asian cultures....and the difference is that western culture introduce freedom while asian cultures demand discipline. the difference in which how a parent teach their kids is oso very different. dun believe me? u can ask ur parents or even ur grandparents if they were ever caned, smacked and sometimes thrown out of the house...they will tell u " i have lose count on the numbers...but it sure bring back memories..good and bad" and it did them good you know. im not saying that hitting ur children is the best way to discipline them. but at least they can know wad is right wad is wrong, sometimes words from mouth cant be learned until u experience it urself....humans like everything else, sometimes need to learn things the hard way. in order to fear the consequences, in order to know its wrong. last time parents have full rein of their authority. now? parents are being chained down and are 'asked' not to hit their child often(i gt the impression that its figures is not more than the fingers i have in my hands). i always feel like asking the society, "who are you to tell wad the parent are doing?" u might say " wad they are doing is not right...wad they are doing does not solve anything...blah blah blah" ok...u may be right in saying it does not solve things....but u have no right to say wad they are doing is not right...YOU are just an outsider, and outsider shld not be overly concern of wad happen!

lets go back to the case....yes, i agree to some extent that the father using hot water to scald his daughter is abit overboard. but hey..i dun see hw caning her is...stealing is a bad habit that will ruin her future, he is jus infuriated that it is not the 1st time she does that le...and in such a young age somemore...if he dun put a stop to that now when she is older, she is goin to jail rather than home. and because of that he is gtting a jail, fine and possible caning sentence...1st 2 i might agree but FUCK the caning...this isn't right...this is telling parents " if u do this to ur kids we will do the same to you..espacially the fathers...u jolly well be dam clear abt this"

children these days are too soft, scared of hard work and dependent on others....always gt maid to help them carry stuff, gt parent's car to go around....kids these days...are nthing compare to my childhood days...sure they arent as good as the kids nowadays but nonetheless i have a good time...haiz...if u go to china and help out and u see the kids there....they can put singapore children to shame at any 1 time...so buck up la...haiz

haha...sry i wrote an argumentative essay out instead -.- but thats my POV u can choose to agree and disagree.

i jus wanna hold u close...

2009-10-16T15:02:00.003+08:00

to console u, to let u feel better...i will hold u close to me...
be there when ur sad
talk to u when ur troubled...
try to cheer u up
jus wanna be with you

cos im just a simple man, i wan to be close with you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ysterday was rather epic haha...why do i say that? cos my friends witness i gt hug by a girl haha! so funny....that day me and meng went to tampines cos he wans to buy something...initially i dunwan de...then i agree after he say he treat me to lunch(later change to dinner) haha...after that we went to tampinesONE to take a walk around...and both of us went to this shop :uni qlo, its a japanese shop. and its good haha...i somehow or another succumb to the tot of buying one shirt haha...that will be my start of sem shirt liao haha....then we walk around....and and....THEY GT TECHNIKA hahahaha!! operated by timezone of cos...after that went to the old shopping mall then take a bus to city....a very VERY long journey...to dbg...then went down to dolby xchange cos i wanna play jubeat haha...and mark(who is coming later) oso say wanna play...haha..but then when we reach zonex, found out that they gt hold private event. so cant play at zonex liao...so i suggest we play at starfactory in plaza sing. the place was suprisingly empty haha....after we meet mark...we went up to play....he, of cos, failed the 1st song...haha...then i tell him abt linking and hw to play....after tht we link play together , he manage to fail all 3 and i save him 3 times haha...yea...then my 2nd time playing...oli spotted me and wave~ i wave back...haha...then she wanted to hug me...haha long time nver see le...oh wells...cant refuse that offer. =D then i hug her back haha...using 1 hand...i saw meng and mark giving the " wtf happed just nw?""hc gt hugged! wad has the world come to???" ahhhahaha all the funny funny actions come out haha...cos in all the years they had known me....i nver gt hug by a guy...let alone by a girl haha....so they rather surprise that i actually gt hugged...not by a guy but by a girl wor~~ then mark like jealous xD cos he tot its a big deal then meng say"...hug nia mah...like i dun have kena hug b4 liddat" during dinner mark give the omg-u-too! look xD....but all these while...im abit not into the convers...cos im worried abt a girl...sms her to ask her if she is well...and if her teeth still hurts and chat wif her de...haha...i tot that tampines mall is a great place to shop...so one day i wanna take her to tampines mall to let her heart itch...hohoho....think b4 that i shld confiscate her purse haha :P

there is a difference

2009-10-12T12:51:00.003+08:00

there really is! lol...im talking abt the difference between an otaku and a guy who has nthing btr to do at home and dun feel like going out oso...

an otaku will :
-read lots of fan fiction
-fantasize about animes coming alive
-attracted to anime type maid cafe
-buy anime products(i mean LOTs of products)
-when u go to his room it will be filled with mangas, anime and anime toys,plushies and other anime related merchandise
-they will have the otaku aura and look(im in the jap cultural club...i know)
-cosplay or like to take pictures of cute cosplayers.
-have a girl he likes but she's a virtual character

WHILE

a guy that gt nthing btr to do at home and dun feel like going out will :
-read ANYTHING thats interesting
-watch ANYTHING that perks his interest
-play ANY games
-listen to music
-plan wad to do the nxt day, if nt nxt event
-blogging(like wad im doing now)
-waiting for ppl to jio him out
-feel that stoning at home sometimes is a bliss
-want to sms his gf or the girl he likes....just to chat
-at certain times feel like its best to shut up and mind his own business
-emo(lol! laugh , but it happens)
-think alot
-play facebook
-read blog
-go forum
-slp alot

so after reading this post, angie which category do u think i belong to? im so gonna prove to you that im not an otaku haha ;P

looking at my cupboard

2009-10-12T11:09:00.002+08:00

haha...i find that i onli have 1 or 2 formal shirt. 1 black pants. no tie no blazer. quite afew t-shirts,afew jeans. some shorts. thats it haha...and thats it haha...i wear my shirts in repetition haha...

looking at myslf

2009-10-12T09:29:00.007+08:00

yesterday, i had nthing btr to do at home but to stone and jus surf the internet...then decided to slp....at around 4+am....cos i cant seem to get the 'feel' to slp yet...oh wells...yesterday was abit uneventful except that i gt my this wk's schedule and im spending the wkends working at a branch my workplace jus opened. cant say im not really looking forward to my transfer there cos of some other factors...i'll see how bah..hmm...woke up todae 9am+ haha..= 5hrs of slp...hope i dun slp while watch a movie wif angie...so wad shld i do now? hmm...lets recap =)

3 days ago,

after failing my TP for the 2nd time....i felt abit sian 1/2 but the impact not that great as the 1st le...stupid tester...argh...nxt time im gonna take the afternoon session like my friend wahhahaha...anyway...i feel dreaded cos i dunwan to go home and hear my parents asking y i fail, y din i do this y din i do that...abit frustrating cos of the fact that i know wads expected of them from me and i cant live up to that expectation...that feeling of disappointment fell like an anvil on my back...thus, i sms angie abt my results haha...she ask me if later still wan meet anot...i was thinking "hmm y not?" haha...so yea...decide on the timing and place again...then i went home, when i reach home, i was surprised when my dad did not scold me or anything just said " nvm....theres always nxt time" hearing that is a relieve haha...then i stone until abt 5pm b4 going out again to meet up wif angie, we went to JP to, for me is " to jus be wif her talking and such" while for her is, " shopping" lol...hey now, im not complaining here. its really fun to go shopping wif her...espacially if she is buying clothes...im not a fashion freak you know, i dun chase after fashion, i jus wear wads comfortable and the shirt that i like...we went initially went to JP to look see...she's hungry so the 1st stop we make is at kfc. she ask if i wanna eat anything...i said " i go order lor...wad u wan to eat?" but i think she din get my point and heard it as " i dunwan to eat..u go order lor" lol...i turn my head the nxt second, she gone liao, made a beeline towards the Q...hahaha...came back with spicy drumlets or something....but i know its drumlets haha...i watch her as she ate...talk to her abt some funny stuff and wad happen during my TP...after that, we jus walk around...and she walk really fast...which surprised me cos i deliberately slow down in the hope to keep pace, now i have to speed up to catch up haha....ironic isnt it...we like comb the entire JP, then she ask me if she look nice in a kimono top then i....total idiot abt woman's clothing and their names...had the impression of the kimono...and visualise it out...big mistake...but the image is nice...haha...she spotted one kimono top but then suggest that going to cwp would be a btr choice since there gt metro haha...so we take a train back to woodlands and i fish out my psp to tell her more abt prj diva, and play the game...big mistake, cos i left her out. im not taking my psp with me the nxt time i have a date wif her(todae). she heard me and ask me y. i said "cos i left u out le"....she said " no la...im jus tired thats all" with that said i switch off my psp and decided to spent the time on the mrt together...no not as u guys might think....i jus like being with her tht =)

reached cwp, i told her i wan to get some dinner so end up at mac she ask me wad i want to eat. haha out of being random and a joke i always tell my girl-friends and cousins " i wanna eat wad?(think) i wanna eat u haha" u know what she said ?" she said "u know when u said "i want to eat you"it means to say " i wanna fuck you?" she said it wif a rather im-offended kind of eyes....i really dun have the intention and i dunno it has such 'profound' meaning to it...but i dunno y she apologise to me later haha...ate a quick dinner...felt dam stupid cos she watch me eat(she having dinner at home) then we go metro....like immediately. haha...went in there and she go take a picking on dress....i find that when she wears a dress...she is more feminine than she is alrdy is....went in wif 3 dress and onli test 2 but i find them truly stunning...not the dress, its her...im more captivated by her more than anything...truly is beautiful. sad thing is that she is not so used to wearing a dress....cos she said the cloth used is abit thin then can see her undies...well...actually i did see but kept quiet abt it...cos i tot it part of the design. yea...tried both dress and she went out...haha...then we went to technika...i play for a round then i send her back home during that time i ask her abt clothes and see said she is piss off when she see her friend wear something so sui bian while she wear so nice...haha...i ask her if its me would it change lol...she flare up and said " u also ah! make me so angry lor...that time go bugis u wear wad!" haha...totally tio owned...then i retorted" no wad...bugis u gt see teens wear so nice de meh" then she think awhile and said "well, mayb i dun get hw guys think on wad to wear" haha...i jus smiled...well...1st off, some guys are simple, they wear wad they think is good and will look good. like for me...a jean+ some nice shirt...not really the kind that would stand out in public but more of the blend-in-with-the-crowd type. i dunno wads her expectation of being good looking. or to wear nice. but heck. if she wears a dress later and see's my chuan zhuo like that again. she will probably...no..definitely throw her book at me. haha...regardless of that,my feelings wont change de haha...love u lots <3

2 days ago, i gt the msg from my boss that nxt wk friday she plan to open the new branch at holland V le...and im more or less officially being transferred there haha...bit happy and abit sad cos i find that the reason is cos she want me out of the main shop haha...and to jaga a branch shop haha....anyway...i'll see hw lor

ysterday : went to the new shop to take a look. look nice....haha..but will take time to get used to...espacially if its sat and sun (srsly).

some things jus nver change.....

2009-10-06T00:47:00.002+08:00

im thinking over abit...jus watch a show...the ugly truth...its a very nice show, its hilarious, its crude and i like it very much....initially wanted to watch it wif angie...but somehow knock it out of my mind when she said something abt being busy...oh wells...which brings about this post for todae...a summary of todae's event.

TODAE......is suppose to be fun...i made mondae a free day becos xm said she wants me to teach her badmintan...everything comfirm le....the day, the time, the place...even booked the court. then as the agreed time looms near...she sms me say cos of something in sch cant make it....well..well...1st feeling, im being pang seh yet again, 2nd feeling, anger, y so last min? why cant u jus sms me or call me afew hrs b4 the time? at least i can gt some friends to come...and i HATE LAST MINUTE SITUATION...soo...sooo very much.therefore, instead of going for my supposed Badminton session, i went to lot1 instead to play jubeat...i know that i nd to dissipate my feelings fast...and i release it by playing...not too shabby...manage to grade up and gt area51 ahaha...manage to forgt the unhappiness. then i went home for a quick dinner b4 going for an online meeting....after that...

angie gimme me a link on the movie" the ugly truth" as i watch...i think abt it too....am i that kind of person? giving other ppl happiness but in turn when asked abt urself...u cant even say a simple "i like you" to a girl...in any, any girl u fancy...which lead me to develope a pathetic feeling of rejection again...y am i like this?issit becos i have this foresight that wad i did will be rejected?

as i sat in my chair thinking abt those things...felt abit numbed and went towards my kitchen window...there i think abt job...how their attitude towards me really sucked...always putting up a fake front.then i went back to my room....sat down to think again...

sadded to think that life is filled with so many restrictions & expectations.
sadded to think that i am always like that....
sadded to that im delusional(other ppl dun see it for themselves but i do)

my heart...is always filled with fear, lonliness and darkness, an occasional spark from the fire of life appear from time to time.
fear that i would lose someone again
feel that i shld be lonely cos i dun deserve anyone
the path i walk is pitch dark, my light extinguished long ago....

y issit life have to be like a gamble...u may lose everything in a single moment...
y am i like this....
y....
............

my visualization of my ideal future...

2009-10-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

this is something i visualize as wad i had wanted...at job, a home, a car. a loving wife and 2 children.being able to come home after work and to be greeted by their enthu faces...like how i had always greeted my father whenever he jus got back from work...i wanted to experience it for my own this time...haha...my wife would be either working or at home...haha it would be best if she stay at home and be housewife. but i am not the kind of person that will restrict my wife's action. it would be nice to be in a job i like...a stable job. =)

thinking, planning, soul searching....moolah problem is endless

2009-10-03T03:05:00.004+08:00

finally oct has arrive...and so is my pay...its not much...but i will have to make do...spent less(i hope) save more...haiz...sometimes i wonder y my part-time job the pay like shit...reason 1 is mayb cos i did not work alot of days...so yea...and i admit i am not seriously into the job cos of various reasons in which i dunwan to publicise...sometimes...when im laying back to think....i recall my factory working days...u know...its a long period...but then pay is good...cos it adds overtime pay...haha...and end up my pay always $500 and above de...therefore sometimes when i think back, its worthwhile, though factory work is hard and tiring to the extreme. but when u gt ur pay...u may think otherwise...currently this job has manage to sustain me for a year liao...and im still blur as ever...i hope to increase my pay to 6/hr b4 i grad. cos i nd the pay rise b4 my 21st birthday...reason being is that my 2 bank a/c nd to be 500 and above...and currently the amount in both banks is deplorable...i nd to raise 1K in each a/c to be save....and to do that i nd 2K worth of money...500 itself is not a big matter...the problem is hw to sustain the $500. i,nearing another age towards total adulthood...is jus 1 yr away and i srsly nd to plan my finance properly...my driving lessons itself cost me 3K le...minus the financial help my dad gave, i alone fork out 2K+ jus to learn...that 2K can be in my bank growing more interest le...i wonder if i have make the right choice...i hope nxt wk everything will be go according to my way...with that being said....i had alot of thoughts on wad to spent wad nd to spent wads worth to spent on...my woes is that everything is expensive to me now....i nd to save up...srsly...but then living in sg is a hard to save espacially if u nd to spent every time u go out(u nd to take bus/mrt unless ur walking) i have learn not to miss home but miss my family. for i am a simple man, as long as there is a roof above my head and somebody to care for, im contented...all that i nd to do is to support....

i used to think that im young...i still can do alot of things youngster these days often do...but i find that reality is catching up on me haha...fast. nw i experience pain in my knee whenever i bent it for too long...haha...i nd to shave more regularly now...having late nites such as now....thinking of past present and future...a friend of mine once said that i talk like an old man...haha...perhaps that true, cos for me for thinks alot(but acts very little) i have alot of advices that old ppl will say haha...well...coming back to topic...planning wad to do for the future...planning hw to gt that ideal future...bearing the weight of responsibility and wishes of family and relatives...going to army, get a stable job, get married, create a new family, buy a house. own a car....all that come back to the basic foundation = money. when to start saving? perhaps, ever since u know hw to count money from 10cents coins to the $50 note....i manage to save it all up and sadly spent it all in 2mths...becos of this, im always trying to reclaim back whats lost.but then situation requires me to use those money and quickly, those money is yet again gone and i have to replenish it again. there is truly no 'easy money' no money is easy to earn. for that i worry abt my future cos of my current gpa...i dun regret going to my course...i regret not having the potential and determination to gt through it...in my whole life, i have experience the feeling of being the top, and being the bottom. the feeling of having respect and having none at all. i experience the pain of losing a close relative.i experience the sadness,anger, happiness together wif my friends around me....i have experience whats its like to be in love and to be dumped. i experienced a feeling worst than death, i too have a wound that hurts so much i cant say it out in words...i always think that im alone but i am wrong to say im alone....i am always surrounded by ppl...yes i am not alone physically. but deep down inside...kept a door thats locked...the door is chained shut. lying among the darkness is another lock that some1 manage to break b4 going in and leaving again...

chaotic post...sry if my post keep getting u bored and tiring...and making u spoil ur eyes...but this is my life. =)

though i hope that the day will come soon when u know abt my feelings....b4 i faded again...

thats all...nites

the 45min journey

2009-10-02T02:42:00.002+08:00

yst...or judging by the time nw, shld be 2 days b4. me and marcus decided to ride our bicycle to sch...just to test it out haha...we met at the bottom of gombak stadium, then proceed to ride all the starting from little guilin to ngee ann poly haha...we set off at 4.30pm...ride through the bicycle path, race down and climb slopes. through out the journey we kept talking abt our new timetables and wad teachers to look out for and i congratulate him for FINALLY passing his tp(his 4th time) i hope i pass mine too....anyway...as we cycle, we explore the road leading to ngee ann via the bus 985 route, and i found out that if u wan to go by main gate, we can actually go thru the junction jus b4 the vehicles enter the highway(its PIE if i rmb correctly). and so as we kept riding...the seat is getting the better of me...causing my butt to hurt...and i jokingly said to marcus"lol...tio anal by my bike ><) lol...both of us laugh...had fun joke about the traffic rule and the TP(traffic police) test point system lol...and finally, we reach ngee ann...which is around 5.15pm so it can be said to be our 45min journey. call kl up and see if we can meet him...he said he in blk 44 then we reach blk 44 he said he at AT hub...and AFTER we went AT hub...he said he at canteen 1...><" dunwan say anymore le....fcking hell, say wad " 2 legs wins 2 wheels" tell me abt it when u ride 45mins on a hard seat from gombak la! oh yea...u said u can chiong to np in 30mins....then i rest my case...u can do it i cant...-.-". lol...then we go makan place slack...i eat my supposedly 'lunch', kaki fuyong, its been a really long time since i eat that hot plate of egg and chicken...i miss them *sniff* lol...then wif a ending at sch....i suggest going up ourspace the slope and race down...haha...there was no car, nobody and its abt 6.30pm in the evening, felt the evening breeze blowing against my face as i race down the slope...its pure fun and exciting, if i can, i would want to do it again, but the tot of pushing my bike up is really a chore so we(they dissuade me in doing so) give up the idea and wait for nxt time haha.....then after, me and marcus took the scenic route again back home....onli that marcus insist that i accompany him to gombak haha...ok la..earlier on he treat me drink i return the favour lor...haha...this is the longest time i spent wif my bike without using it to buy food but use it for pure entertainment haha...its been a very fun day wif the addition of the morning's driving lesson, which was not so stress. i really hope i can pass my tp...though i have no hope of getting a car, but i at least will have the ability to drive on the road =)

the reason y im blogging this is cos i cant slp haha..jus bath finish, eyes feel refreshed again...even though i came back from work...but but....i finally gt my pay!!! =D its considered miserable but i will have to make do...this sem my fyp is gonna keep me really busy...i hope i can ask her out some day, but as she herself is oso busy wif her own schedule,i dunwan to tire her more by asking her out again...hearing or knowing that she is well is ok le =)

afew moments ago i gt afew inspirational phrases but then i have forgotten it again...so i may post if i can rmb it again...IF i rmb...till then, the nxt post will either be the inspirational phrases or a new post le haha =)

nites all

something i want to say but i cant say

2009-09-30T04:15:00.000+08:00

nthing really...jus wanna post that i love u lots...haha...

its been a long time since i posted haha...

2009-09-24T13:48:00.001+08:00

lol...as the name implies...its been a very long time since i post something...lets go back to result day, haha...the day b4 that fateful day, i cant seem to slp...in fact...i cant slp well in the 2 days prior to result day...and to make things worst...i gt driving lesson at 8am...x.x so yea...manage to force myself to slp at 4am...then wake up at 7am to check my result...i din gt marvelous results but i still pass everything! ahahaha...i jump around in joy and relieve...after that i rush for my driving lesson...lol...drive halfway stomach ache...wah...crap haha...but then when i read my mail and found out i pass everything i was so happy! the 1st person i sms was angie lol...tot she slping...but i sms anyway ;p thanks for everything =D i like u even more now haha...xD
after afew days...on the 20th...i go attend my cousin's ROM or otherwise known as register of marriage (i think) lol...my shoe 'open mouth' on that day sia...sibei sian....then not onli open mouth...the whole front sole came out...win liao....heng ceremony over liao then its life ended or else i sure sian1/2 lol...met up wif my cousins....father side de...onli close cousins i have is my little cousin, angelina, older cousins henry and alex(henry is married wif 2 daughters while alex is engaged) and that day was alex's ROM lol...soon im going to have another nephew/niece le haha but that will be in another 3-4 yrs later(they are officially gtting married in 2 yrs time) by then yea haha....i will be out of army le....or still in..i dunno haha...my cousin is predicting that mine will be nxt haha xD i shrug and said " well...who knows...mayb urs will come earlier than me" as always...i said it wif a smile.

that day was short...but tiring...when the ceremony ends nearly all our energy gone le...

insomia nites

2009-09-17T13:24:00.001+08:00

yst i tried slping at 2am+...cant slp...onli manage to gt myself to slp at arnd 5+....cos my mind is not tired yet...zzzzz....too many things happen in my mind and i cant slp well...><

stuffed up...

2009-09-15T23:16:00.002+08:00

this week is emo week for me...the result release day is gtting onto me,im not afraid of my results...im afraid my nxt course of action depending on my result...then comes the sense of uselessness, disappointment and the heavy pressure...just yesterday...i had a dream, i dreamt thati failed my exams and was kicked out of sch...my family cannot believe it, im saddened, i wanna cry but somehow my tears just dun come out...then suddenly i was in another place, i was confessing to her, but she said no, then say"looks like we can no longer be friends" i stone there and said to myself"gg" then i gt transported back again...to my result....this time, its me, during the driving lesson, i was so nervous abt the result i totally lost control over my hands...till now i experience it...my hands shake....i dunno hw to control them...i dunno...i dunno...i dunno.....THEN i woke up...my heart is beating very fast...as though my soul was abruptly pulled back and smack heart 1st back into my body...i woke up panting, im worried sick...i wanna go out...but then aways change plans....my heart is aching...really...some1 pls find a salvation...relieve me from this ache...thats coming from my stuffed up feelings.....my heart feels empty, my heart tells me that i really need a companion...my instinct told me to get a gf FAST....but my mind puts a stop to all this saying "this is not the time yet..." i dun normally have this kind of feeling...till im 18 yrs old...im a carefree guy who lives on his own ways, feels happy wif his friends around and worried abt exam results....no more...nw im a sadden idiot...this wk pls get it over pls! get it done and get it over wif....ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna cry...i really do...but somehow my heart dun allow me to cry unless im wif her....im not so sure y am i like this? normally my floodgates will open very easily...mayb cos i dunwan cry infront of my family members...i dunwan them to worry. i rather cry infront of friends than cry infront of family....i rather lost face infront of friends rather than lose face infront of my family, y? cos friends can be replaced....new friends will come along as we grow up...im in the stage where i dun care if my impression to the others is bad anot liao...i dun care le...cos i really feel i cant do anything...cant even do simple things like confessing...therefore everything i want to do and manage to do it is all in my mind, its so real, that my heart would stop aching...cos i really feel blissed...omgomg...i nd u , i want u! i love u! but i dunno if im able to be able to sustain wif u.....cos in terms of status quo. i am beneath u...this i feel im not good enuf for u...u said i still can go uni? forgt it...wif gpa 1+....i can dream on...

i wonder...truly...i wondered....

2009-09-09T03:19:00.005+08:00

i wonder y u are always in misery...
i wonder y ur so dense...
i wonder that am i stupid is actually wait and see
i wonder shld i give up
i wonder...

i feel dead, empty and really disappointed at ur taste....
im tired of this waiting game...mayb it is consider a game for u....
i gt ur hint.

its real fun isn't it, to see ppl getting false hopes up.knowing they cant achieve it but still egging them to do it...encouraging them to do the things they want but u urself know that it will not succeed.1st u place a ray of hope , then u take the hope away, and wait until the moment when i really emo and sad, do u put jus alittle ray of hope...y are u doing this to me? cant u let my heart lay dead? y must u make it beat onli to make it die again? y?

of cos, wad im thinking now is all delusional...u are of cos free to do wad u like...when i think back on wad im doing now...im like repeating past mistakes...and i really look stupid. so y cant i say wad i felt? ans: insecurities. like u, i do research. and i found that u....are not urself anymore....cos ur heart is gone...it has...how to i phrase it......."flutter away"........and u know that im the type that dun go for girls who have some1 they like cos they will reject u and even if they accept u, u think their heart is wif u? HELL FUCKING NO , thats y i like personality over facial looks.

after reading this post, u may, at certain point, write something in my Cbox or leave a comment. i doubt it will look nice, but its ok...i will take wadeva u throw at me...

cant u understand that there is some1 who is waiting for u instead of chasing after some1 who is not even interested in u?

vivace X : the essay i wrote during the concert

2009-09-06T00:40:00.004+08:00

this post/essay is something i wrote in my hp while i was attending vivace X harmonica concert@RP TRCC....the following is the exact essay thats in my hp.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1st experience going to a concert,well...alone that is,feeling of lonliness is definitely there but i would like to experience it myself wad a concert ambiance is like,from where im Q-ing, excited crowd lining up wif their friends,some, 2 chat while waiting,some old friends catching up on old times,couples came hoping 2 enjoy the romantic evening,families coming to relax after a wk of hardwork, of cos,there are ppl like me who came alone,some for the sake of friends.For me? i came becos i nver attended a public concert b4. that is of cos, not my main reason for coming, she is the main reason for me to come.

As the band members starts to sat down at their respective places, i search anxiously for a familiar face, n for the 1st time in my life, i curse my eyes for being so blurry.As i can scan the stage, afew more ppl came in, n there, i spotted her, the girl that manage to make my heart pound like crazy.wearing black shirt and long pants and a yellow tie, she walk into the stage in the back row on the left. I doubt she gt see me as she is talking to her fellow club members.

As the concert starts, i begin to relax myself and listen to the enchanting musics, the good ones so far was fen fei and can can.these songs are really musics to my ears,then come the intermission,as the audience proceed to leave the theater for a short break, i too, left to see angie, but she was very much happy herself, i felt abit left out but not really being emo, tried to catch her attention by strolling past infront of her hoping she would call my name but of no avail, saddened, i stepped outside 2 welcome the warm air, take a breather and watch her as she run from one place to another, finally entering the theater again. Instinctively i followed, spotted her taking pic wif another friend, she look abit sad abt something while talking to her friend, form her lips i can tell she is pek chek about something,then as i am here typing away my essay about the concert todae, she called me =D. i was filled wif happiness,when she found me,she ran towards me(i later found that its becos of time constraints) and wanna take a pic, the pic taken was not nice becos of the angle, but becos of it...she was close to me...and i like the closeness. As the 2nd half of the concert begins, i listen to another harmonica band called FRESCO, i like their moon river, and some of the songs they played. the last 2 songs are epic, my favorite is the song "raider's march" by john williams.

after the concert, i gave angie a thumbs up and she smiled brightly. i can tell that she is happy.i too is happy when she is happy as well...i stay back later to congrat her....in the end onli manage to say afew stuff out...ended up taking pic for her...i really wanted to walk her home...but she said that she is going home wif her friends...so yea...i gt the msg...and proceed to go back...not home but lot1, cos after hearing cancan during the concert i felt i can up my score in jubeat...and i did...played until 12mn. dun really feel like going home...keep thinking of alot of stuff....

truth to be told, i really want to date her...i dun care hw the other guys see her...she is different among the girls i met....
hehe...sry...being real random here
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last time, a girl confessed to me, i rmb the heart pounding feeling of that time. that feeling lying dormant in my heart for so long is waking again...now i wonder wad will happen if im that girl instead. hehe...>//////< someone once asked me this question."whats love?" i thought about it and replied "i dunno whats love,but i know that my life won't be complete without her"

the pain in my body

2009-09-05T16:21:00.002+08:00

recently just after the army open house, im experiencing pain coming from somwhere jus above my stomach and below my ribcage, its internal injury...i know it...but i dunno hw i caused it...it hurts whenever i slp, yawn or make sudden movements. now...even breathing hurts...well...not that im superstitious or something but as this is the 7th mth....have i or did i offended some of them? that i dunno...and pray that i did not...but these few days im feel tired easily....my body clock is failing me le...jus hope that i may recover soon from this 'injury'.

i realised....

2009-09-05T12:10:00.003+08:00

i realise that...my heart always feels empty
i realise that...i uses other stuff like anime and manga to try and fill the gap in my heart
i realise that...its no use...and i still think of u whenever im down
i realise that...im afraid to lose u
i realise that...having too much info can be a bad thing
i realise that...looking at you makes me smile =)
i realise that...i can be upset/abit angry whenever u complain about other guys and hw they treat u
i realise that...with you around i feel at ease
i realise that...my frustrations these days is caused by the fact that i cant tell u wad i felt
i realise that...im beginning to like you more and more each day
i realise that...i may be really in fact falling in love or perhaps had alrdy fallen in love with you
i realise that...wad im doing now is taking a huge risk
i realise that...even if i dun have the power/strength to confront those that bully u but i would like to at least be there wif u to make u feel btr
i realise that...wad i am doing now might be jus my fantasy but i hope to make it into a reality
but i may have oso realise that...wad i had realised,i realised too late for u had alrdy some1 u like, and i dunwan to be some1 whose heart is longer wif me.

its meaningless to have the body, the soul when u dun possess the heart.

tired

2009-08-31T22:36:00.002+08:00

i am tired....just tired.....

i am not satisfied with wad we are right now........my penned up feelings is gonna explode anytime...

there shld be no more regrets...

2009-08-29T02:11:00.003+08:00

....is wad i would really want to say....its not that i dun have any regrets...i have TOO MUCH....

2009-08-28T02:21:00.001+08:00

i feel that i am slowly but surely beginning to fall in love with you...cos realised i like u more than i had expected...

2009-08-26T00:55:00.000+08:00

i feel so screwed

random tots again...

2009-08-24T21:03:00.002+08:00

to avoid awkwardness, i choose not to tell u my feelings
in order not to lose everything u and i had shared, i choose to seal my heart
in order to maintain the friendship we had, i lie to myself
why??? all for the purpose of not losing u....

if i must bet wad we share in the past to gt u as my gf , then i rather remain as friends

i wonder..........in fact im more worried if we are 2gther! not that its a bad thing...its jus that i dun have a habit of being chatty infront of the person i like...unless i dunwan the situation to be awkward....kinda always failed at it...but its jus that i wanted some1 to be wif me and let me hug...sounds childish, but yea...i would want that feeling...its warmth...u noe ur not alone. BUT i noe that wont happen to some1 like me so i can stop dreaming abt it *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*

i have a bad memory...i forgt bad and good memories...i dun have impression of passing girls...but i will never forgt hw i met u...i may have forgotten the date...but i know the place.

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haha...yst met angie to have mugging session! 1st time i study so srsly, 5 papers all chiong finish!....actually, thats was not meant to be a mugging session to begin with...she jus met up wif me to give me the ticket for her cca preformance and so i bought 1 thinking "well...since your performing, i will go see" well... she was really hoping that i can go in groups so that she can sell her tix.fast! but! as that week my friends all booked liao...i cant even hold an event myself on that weekend. at 1st when i say i wan...i say onli i go...she go like "=.=" in msn....haha totally ruin mood...i tot at that point, is she trying to hint to me that it would be weird to go alone? so i anticipate this and tell her i wont feel weird...but...i think she is thinking of more mundane stuff....like mass selling the tix...oh well...haha...anyway, she suggest wanna come out meet, and suggested mugging...so i tot "hmm...since mondae is my paper...mugging is a very good idea...could use alittle help from her oso" so we met on sunday to mugged @ wdlands regional library. in the quiet environment, i can fully concentrate on my paper and think....then consult her on afew EZ qn.....b4 library about to close...it is then, i rmb her strap...i wanted to give it to her as a present...nthing special, jus spotted it on natsu matsuri and decided to buy 1 for her....as the name implies...hp straps. lol...i dunno. but i knew i gt the wrong thing for her...sure she wanted a hp strap...but that strap wasnt the strap she wanted...but my gift was kinda rejected...(i hate that feeling but i swallowed it) then library closed so we move to starbucks...there...i put my bags on the table and jus left wif her...totally ignoring the safety, but i trust that the ppl have enuf integrity not to touch things that are not theirs...then when we are waiting for our coffee, a baby carriage fall to the ground...i make a move to help, but angie move faster than me. so i automatically stop. dun ask me y...i jus stop....i hesitated. at that point i REALLY LOOK A RETARD....y did i stone there? i myself do not know...anyway our coffee came and we went back to our seats...i continue to struggle wif my pass yr paper while she read magazines...haha...she said she gt a 10 page essay to finish and hand up tml online...with that said...i felt bad making her wait for me to finish doing my revision....i wanted to say alot of sorries....but in the end i 1/2 do 1/2 talk to her....tell u something...when u talk to me ar...i am the straightforward kind....meaning if u tell me ur friends do stupid things i will definitely say "ur friend's stupid" but i know that the way i say it offends ppl....offends her oso...esp cos i said like that to her good friend....i felt bad, but i cant do anything...cos i am really say wad i felt...i rmb telling her " u can jump down a building or bang a wall, i dun care. jus dun involve me can liao"a mistake i told her that? definitely. then she ask me if WWW and escape and go all in 1 day. haha...i said no...thats not something achievable hahha...cos 2 different theme parks....both offers play all u can when ur in the park. will u stay or will u play randomly and go over to the nxt park? not feasible. but i recommend her wild wild wet.(say all u want abt having ulterior motive or anything...i dun care) cos its fun! onli went once...wif my dad and bro...very fun to play...but anyway......its still deciding....im officially having hols nxt starting thurs and im working on that day to kick off the start of my sem vacation!
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if ever i can tell u my feelings and felt that u are rdy to hear it.i will tell u while holding ur hands, followed by a hug and end wif a kiss <3

natsu matsuri!!

2009-08-23T02:11:00.002+08:00

haha!! todae went for the natsu matsuri, its a japanese summer festival that's held once every yr...and i gt the chance to gt the ticket(1 is $2) from lala who is part of the organizing com. haha...thank you Olivia!!! haha...meet lala(oli) and fade at bedok mrt station...actually met fade 1st then lala...after that...we go to the meeting point...lol...i mus point out that lala look and sound like a tour guide(lala to group :"ok...later when u all go there...meet up at etc...etc..")haha! then we took a trip down straight to changi japanese school...reach the sch...there is alrdy a long Q...like OMG....but heng we gt tix...aside from kena-ing 1 fucked up secuirty guard OJI-SAN nthing eventful happen.....yet.

went in and waited at the Q...and fanning ourselves...finally, b4 the festival officially starts...we saw a opening festival performance(taiko) which i noted to fade that the lead player looks like she on trance...=P, after that, we went straight to the booth where gt the legendary apple candy, y did i say legendary...cos according to my friend, its rare to find 1 in sg...AND WTF IT SOLD OUT WHEN ME AND FADE ARE LIKE 3 PPL BEHIND...ahhhhh!!!!! have to wait for nxt yr...(note to self : come early,very early) then as expected, there was no more pikachu mask oso le xD. so the whole entire time i was exploring the booth, the games are very fun! haha...the yoyo game...or so they call it...is actually similar to catch a fish in japan...but instead of a paper net...its made up of a hook thats tied by tissue paper, and u are required to hook up the balloons thats inside the pool of water by trying to hook the noose tied rubber thats attached to the balloon. i manage to gt 1 balloon and it manage to last me till i gt home =D nxt i tried to play another game called :senbonbiki or tikam game haha...i manage to win a small prize of a small towel haha...i actually wanted to LARGE prize...and was expecting them to say :"gomeinasai" but instead i gt a cheer from them lol...so i oso play along lor...and smile =D then i proceed to walk around the booths again....drink alsahi beer...initially wanted to try daft...but then i see the amount of foam i sian liao...so i grab the can instead...woots...taste...like beer xD but nicer than tiger? dunno...hated beer...but wanna try out foreign products haha...saw alot of nice stuff....and all this while when im looking at the booths...im looking for something that i can buy for her...something...she will like...so i walk around...i saw a strap thats rather cute...its a cake design...but on the cake it says "for you" . well theres 2 designs for it...one is "for you" the other is "love you"...well...wad u think i choose? thats for me to know, for u to guess...and for her to find out(tml) . i hope she likes it...i admit my taste sometimes is cannot make it one...return home to find her online hahaa...YAY~! miss talking to u....haha...anyway...in the evening, we(lala, ratix, csw, fade and lala's friends and one more person whom i forgt the name le) went to the benches and slack...took pic and goof around...b4 going to the field to enjoy the evening sky...did i mention the sky looks beautiful? cos its really nice todae....then at nite have the bom odori that everybody is waiting for...i 1st time participated in this kind of mass dance and the feeling is great! haha...thanks to lala for the encouragement and psychoing haha oh and oso for teaching me the dance steps (imma noob). after that we go home...every1 is tired...but i am not...cos my mind is somewhere else le...haha...anyway...reach home just when the rain stop temp. (heng ar!) i reach home liao then it begin to pour again....

and...this is the end of my post! shld i add pictures?....nah i dun think so...i will show u when u ask me to bah =DD

nites all~

haha.....sianz....>.>"...^^(epic randomness)

2009-08-19T14:53:00.003+08:00

on mondae i kena running nose....and i really lose all mood to study...so all i did that day was to talk to angie and afew of my jubeat friends...but then mostly chatting wif her...haha...make me laugh when i told her i have been sneezing the whole day and she said "mus be some1 thinking of u" cos if u sneeze, isnt cos some1 is scolding u? hahaha...very cute sia...well...in response to her reply i told her cant be....cos i dun think any1 is thinking about me at that time...didnt think any1 will oso...but then wad she said jus brighten me up...she said "the person who likes u is always in ur face"....now...this sentence carries a hint...did i gt the hint? or issit she jus trying to cheer me up....nonetheless, it works...haha...and all i can thnk of is that sentence wondering wad it means....dam, i feel like slping while blogging this.

then comes tuesday. the day my dad came back from sabah...went to welcome him back...haha..these few days keep running to changi airport haha...had dinner wif the whole family...then cab back...so tired i was that i slp in the cab...haha...

i dunno y , but im silently looking forward to seeing her online again...but then she didnt...miss talking to her liao...hhaha...then i found out i cant go my blog url....was frust the whole night becos of it...cos i can go blogger.com but i cant go thelamerof1989.blogspot.com....zZZzzzz=.=". yea....my running nose recovered after 1 day of rest...my mother said the usual cause :slp late >.>" haha...anyway...while thinking of her...i gt an imspiration abt eye candies haha... some of u may have seen it in facebook le...but i will post it up here :

i like eye candies...but i will only take urs because u r the sweetest among them all.
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then comes todae...realise the prob is my internet prob...now in sch i can go my blog link, yay!(many thanks to amelia for her advice) so now im blogging away. THEN i go mug...might continue later on when i gt home...hope i can go into my blog...
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*epic randomness time*

i reason wif myself that i think too much...that i interpret it wrong, but srsly i dunno....if i have then i would have given myself false hope,if i did not...then im confuse le...wad am i hoping for?

i am always in the wrong place at the right time, another sentence will be "shit happens whenever im wif some1"

haiz...feel like slping now...

tots again...and a summary of yst and todae...

2009-08-17T01:59:00.003+08:00

hmm....thinking of things again...mind always in turmoil....wif tots zooming in and out of my mind like a 2 way traffic...can onli catch some...yst's event was rather short and sweet...so i will jus briefly sum it up yea?

yst(15/8),

lets see....wad happen...actually nthing really happen that day except at night...1pm i go work until 10pm...its been a long time since i work this long haha...but anyway...nthing eventful happen during my work except that when its closing, i manage to finish my closing task(sweep floor) very VERY quickly...then go toilet with my eyepatch to fix my eye...came back to shop to shock every1 wif my eyepatch haha...but i dun care sia...i was rushing liao...so i jus grab my bag and chiong out....wanna hail cab but cant seem to find any at sunset way...so i tried to hail at SIM...not bad...after 5 mins 1 cab arrive...told him changi airport T3...then on the way to airport i receive a sms from hollowsnarl telling me they going home le dun go+ lol(oh yea btw, i go airport is to welcome back chaser and kurobe ) dam dulan...thats the kind of sms any1 will gt SIAN and dulan abt esp when they are on their way there VIA CAB....im not angry abt the go home part, i dulan he ask me go home -.-(this explains his apology on my Cbox). then after i reach airport i am determine is stone there for awhile b4 going home...then i heard that lala, ratix, noobfade and rotation were having supper @popeye...but i tot its the T3 branch...then i go find no ppl then found out its T1...-.-" oh well...then elle join us soon after i arrive...chat abit...then go home...as its alrdy 12+ i wanted to cab back...but lala said cab back from airport gt xtra charge+midnight charge...very expensive...i think for awhile and agree that its not worth to take at airport...then she ask if every1 wants to stay over at her house for the night. every1 agree...cept me haha...wanted to gt home + im very tired after working...so after i alight from the bus at bedok...i took a cab back...and here is the interesting part...i share a cab wif a stranger...at 1st im cautious over him...so late le...nver go home stay there loiter...then say wanna share cab...ask me where im going and agree to wherever i go oso(i said bukit batok and he said bukit batok oso-.-") so in the end i cab to central and walk home....safer that way haha...in the cab...i found out that he is from dunearn sec. doing his N lvls now...having prelims(still go out...not scared fail one-.-) . then i ask him if he gt learn poa and i start talking like 70 yr old grandfather abt my times...(when i recall...i really feel dumb). when i reach home i actually wanted to tell my exp wif my mother de...but then i recall all those moments i tried telling her this kind of exp. she would explode in fits....and starts telling wad not to share things wif strangers la...y nver listen la....in then end i would alway bth and say :HIYA DAM IRRITATING LA....SHLD NOT HAVE TELL U...so nw i dont...to avoid trouble...dam tired le still have to listen to possible lecture...dam stupid and irritating...cos wad i nd is a listening ear, not a lecture...jitao ruin mood le...so i let it stay in me so that i can blog it out.

that day slpt at 3+ again cos of unlimited tots thats zooming in and out of my mind
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todae(16/8),

hmm....weather was nice so i slpt until 11am+ was gonna meet my friends(morgen and daniel) to go comi-con@ 12pm but then in the end i reach at abt 12.40pm....morgen reach at 12.50+...then we took a bus to marina square and we walk down to suntec....and when we reach the convention hall, i saw the cosplayers...AND I SAW HATSUNE MIKU AND REN<3....anyway...some>.<" then after that we saw a epic performance which is rather good...then we go off to have dinner at dbg...after that we go watch GI: JOE the rise of cobra. nice show wif alot of funny scenes...yea...then after the show we headed for the bus stop to go home....reach home->drop bag->switch on lappy-> on msn+facebook+manga+anime->slack...then go slp at 3am+ again...haha

mayb will blog abt todae depend on mood bah...=))

random thoughts that flows into my mind these pass few days

2009-08-14T20:10:00.005+08:00

sometimes i wonder if i make a good bf...u know...wad ppl say to me really affect me de...and when i reflect on wad i did b4...i feel more guilty, cos i myself know that sometimes if i noe its not within my limit i wont try to do it...going out wif me oso will jus gt boring haha...not that i know hw to gt the situation interesting...but then i always feel that the moment of u stare at me i stare at u, or when its jus us and ur listening to mp3 and im playing psp...u noe...the gap...i dun like the gap but i cant stop it from existing...another thing im worried abt is my determination...how far would i go to get her? unlike most guys, im NOT the romantic kind...cos i cant think of sweet words to please u....if i wanna find fault it would be that whenever i said nice words to girls like "ur pretty" they will look at me as if im a disease...thats when im young...now? hm...they reject my comment and i feel that i spoke the wrong thing....and i really hate the phrase "dont touch me" but i gt that 2 times in a row le...felt really hurt...but din show my expression. cos how to i say this...its like i am not fit to touch u liddat....i understand that being a girl means that not every1 except ur close ones can touch u(touch as in the normal kind, not the hanky panky stuff). which is y i do not anyhow jus hold any girl's hand. in fact i was so afriad that u all might flare up that i always said sry if i even jus brush past u....i am srsly afraid. i always see other guys have no problem around their girl-friends...but i cant seem to bring myself to do that...haha...too many restricted areas le...well...this is my tot la...im so afraid of touching girls that there is a point of time when i thought im gay >.>"(sound stupid right?) but then that thought went into the rubbish bin when i found that i like this girl, i can 100% tell u that im NOT GAY cos when she is around, i have the xing fu feeling, something i have not felt since a long long time ago...

im oso rather anything-kind of guy, meaning if u ask if i wan something i would say anything...cos i believe, take wadeva that comes . though it also means im a guy which dun like to make decision...(its bad for image btw) and sometimes i want to make decisions..but then mostly due to my laziness, i will jus say anything...

ending sentence: will i regret posting wad i have thought? nope i wont

zz...tio shoot...>.>

2009-08-14T00:07:00.002+08:00

zzzz my boss todae very wu liao...i say i go airport 6am to send friend off she tot he is my special some1...>.>"(hello, im not gay and i have a girl i like)

one word : slpy ~_~

2009-08-13T15:22:00.005+08:00

truly siansational...haha....yst slp at 2.30am and wake up at 6am to meet elle to go to changi airport to send chaser and kurobe off...overall, i slpt onli 4hrs...then i go airport...go stone...then see them off.yea...thats a summary of wad happen just now..haha...after we send them out of sg, me, elle, k.h and dj*flash went to mac @ T1 to eat breakfast...listening to their stories and exp. is rather interesting hahaha....had big breakfast wif my coffee upgraded to cuppochino(something i havent done in ages)and STILL feels slpy...omg...after that we went dbg play afew rounds of jubeat then we go sch(for me,kh and dj*flash)and home(for elle). i totally sian cos todae i dunno whether g lesson anot but then judging by yst. i dun think so...and so here i am blogging away in school. y cant i use my own lappy>? cos my precious lappy is currently servicing.will gt her back on fri bah haha...after this blogging im gonna find a place to slp! so tht 5pm gt energy to work...omg...haha wish me luk later when i work and pray i dun fall aslp while churning ice cream X.X"

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haiz...i dunno abt this feeling...i noe that i like her but then, wad issit that i feel? i dun really gt mad and gt all selfish cos i onli want u...cos i feel that there shld be freedom and dun really control wad ppl like to do la...if u wan to go, go. i dun really mind unless wad u did really affect me. even if wad u said did hurt me, if its minor i wont take it to heart...(i wonder y am i typing all this out when all this is jus my tots,we din start in the beginning) with that said...i am now given myself a choice. to disappear silently without u noticing, or shld i still keep communicating wif u? well....a part of me wans to disappear from ur life. the other part of me wans to say hi to u...sometimes...knowing too much info is a bad thing. are u trying to hint me something? if it is i think i gt the hint. the other day when we go out...i wanted to say something abt u de...but then it seems like my tongue gt stuck or something and i cant bring myself to say out...but now wif the cover of a blog...i will just be straight forward , that day,when i look at ur face, i was captured by ur cuteness. at that moment, i jus wanna look at u.my mind was blank, all the word i can generate out of my brain is "u look...more..more...____" actually wad i wanna say is that u look stunning...(though i mus admit ur clothes doesnt match wad i said) but thats wad i tot...but then when i return home i ask myself if i am really worth ur time...though a majority of my feelings said NO...i am not sure if i shld give up....though i noe ur probably gonna read this sooner or later...this is jus wad i feel...if it becomes awkward to speak wif me again becos of this post then i will slowly but surely disappear from ur life.

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well i shall mia for 2wks bah...nd to study for exams le...srsly...math and thermo, omg...>.<

had this thought when i was going home from work

2009-08-08T01:03:00.002+08:00

im now exteremely tired....my eyes feels like clsing and yet..here i am blogging away...wasting my life infront of the com....haaha....in any case my post for todae is abt wad i tot of life(again)

many a times i would say i wan this...i wan that...i wish i had this...i wish i had that...if onli i can....if onli i could...but in the end...those are but words...meaningless words...wads impt is not i wan...but in fact i get. case only when u manage to get something then its worth mentioning...i WANT to have a car...but how do i GET one? ans : money solution : i WILL save money...of cos...this is all my thoughts...i nd to gt my plans into action. but alot of things are interuppting me and preventing me to put my plan into action.

getting on another topic, im now crazy over project diva...a music game thats sang by hatsune miku, she is a vocaloid(meaning not a real person) and the full combos are EXTREMELY hard to get....which somehow make me link them up wif business...haha...cos when i chiong until 156 combos then i break...everything is gone...everything i have work for has turn to naught.this, i think is very similar to business...u can gain alot of things thru many yrs...but sometimes all it takes to lose everything might even onli need 1 day.the same applies wif life...u wont know if ur gonna die tml...haiz...

seems that i shld stop dreaming le...i was stupid not to take the hint...

i am thinking again hahahhahaha

2009-08-04T02:46:00.002+08:00

now is....2.53am...round up to 3am bah...again im slping late again...haiz...but in any case im going to blog this down b4 going to slp...like always...i will compile yst and todae's event together in 1 post haha...here goes...1st up! yesterday....

hmm...yea...yst will be lasat sunday hehe...i was suppose to be helping my relative move house, but i kinda overslpt...end up onli my mom go...my bro wan go but he complain headache...so stay at home...i was preping to go out le...to buy lunch...so i ride my bicycle to gombak and dabao prata...very nice and very ex...8.20 sia...for 2 egg&cheese and 2 cheese prata haha...then buy chicken rice for my bro...then after that i ride back home again and rest...then leave the house at arnd 5+...reach dbg zonex at arnd 6+. the zonex at dbg is stuffy and hot...i actually manage to sweat when playing jubeat! but i chiong to class A2 nonetheless...then play afew more rounds b4 going iluma find elle...hollow wanted to go dbg...but i left the place le...so he later join me at iluma hahaa...went iluma and saw ratix, fuyu, elle, lala and august...and afew other jubeat guys...all very high de...play jubeat until abit sian cos no eamuse yet...so me, august and hollow decide to play ddrX...hmm...b4 we did that.....wad was it? ah yes...lala drag elle up to play ddr wif her hahaha...dam fun...then after that is august and some other guy...lushy i think...then my turn...i play ddr wif hollow as usual...forgt whether i gt dance wif august anot...lol...dance true love, doLL(my fav) and dynamite rave(air special).last song make my leg really high hahaha...then after 3 sets i finally give up and go mac wif lala,elle,august and hollow...then we go mac and settle down...beside the table is a glass window(impt info). then actually initially onli gt 5 ppl go eat de...then in comes fuyu...after that folo by ratix and cws...well...i cant really rmb wad happen that day...cos my memory when we are at mac is jus filled wif lala's laughter haha...she has the most epic laughter i had ever heard..so open...so contagious...she laugh we all oso laugh...she will be like: "HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"(gasps for air)"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
i told them chaser's expression when he met revely online, she oso LMAO.....i mean literally...if its not for the fact that she did not roll on the floor laughing...i will srsly put rofl xD....hey lala...if ur reading this...this is a compliment...not shooting u ok :P...then we stone and chat until abt 11+...then realise nd to go le...me and hollow figure out that theres still time for ddr..(i gave him the reason:i nd to digest) haha...so we go spam 3 sets again....not bad...i gt improve wor....hahahahaha....then after we finish playing...me and hollow head down to catch the supposedly last train haha...feeling very very thirsty...alight at gombak to buy 3 bottles of drink(7-11 gt offer) i buy green tea, lemon tea and apple tea. gulp down green tea...then reach home to finish off the lemon tea but jus as i finish drinking i suddenly feel that my stomach having war again...then i note to self :green tea and lemom tea [s]DO NOT[/s] match well...then after i finsih off my things and prep for tml(todae).

todae : ok...im tired...so i will try to keep it short...stone during tutorial...have my last quiz...then no more tutorial liao...after that i stone at ourspace to do Emat revision...i finally study that module after so long...study as in srsly study...then find the paper okok...not easy but no hard oso...esp the MCQ...after my test i go bugis find elle and saw 1 hogger...tmd...lol...quite brazen la...tong tokens like he own the whole tka like that...haha...happen to met rin and lynn haha! shock tio cos i din noe its him when i turn arnd...i tot i saw a familiar face...then i turn and stare at his face b4 waving at him enthusiastically haha...then i stone for awhile b4 going upstairs...i plan to eat at BB but looking at the time...like nthing to eat liao when reach BB so i jus order my dinner@pasta mania...then go home...and that basically sums up my day haha...okok...its near 4am liao...(shock) nites!

real tired...

2009-07-31T12:45:00.005+08:00

yst when i slp...3.30 -4am bah...slpt like a log...woke up @9.30am(my lesson 9am)...wtf...but the strange thing is unlike last time i will panic...now is jus -look at time- "oh crap, im late again" i dun feel the panic, i feel that its a norm liao...i dun look forward to go sch...neither do i hate to go sch...then i go wait for bus then found out my ____ bro change my psp de memory stick but forgt change back...now i cant listen to the song i wan...dam fck up...and since its 9.30am...angie has long since touch down to sg le...replied my blog post as well...shock tio cos i din announce that i update my blog...i think its btr that i dun cos i dunwan uninvited attention...then some _______ read le then go post their comment abt my post on their blog. oh well...they can post wad they wan but pray that i dun see it...todae i sense the start of my emo-ing days again...im back to my old self...its a bad bad thing...dammit...

msn shout out: hopelessly in love? wrong, its hopeless at love...

i shld stop dreaming abt it and face reality, im doomed for eternal loneliness. though i had always hope some1 can prove me wrong..i pray that some1(not jus any1...it has to be a girl) will let me see the light...

at some point , i have seen myself from another person's POV and find that i am an attention seeker...if u wanna think it this way i cant stop u...i dun give a fuck abt wad ppl say abt me le...i am who i am, i love the freedom i have now...life with no restriction is an ideal lifestyle for me but impossible in reality...but i guess...i have at the very least, have the right to escape into my world once in a while...

ok...shall end my post here, once again welcome back to singapore angie...

this is wad i tot.....its myself...

2009-07-30T21:38:00.004+08:00

in afew hrs time....actually...in abt 9hrs left, my dear friend will be returning to singapore, well...i know that i have told her that i will go airport to welcome her....thats cos i heard that no1 will be there to pick her up and as she 1st time going overseas....coming back cannot be so sian mah right....thats....what i thought, and stupid and selfish me always onli think of the plan where its himself onli....so yst she told me that she ask a friend to help her carry baggage....well...this seems to be a rather harmless term to tell me her plan...well...when i read abt it...i suddenly felt upset...haha...i was thinking : "am i not ur friend?" my auto ans : "impression not that deep la...u random friend nia...." and so i did not say anything but just acknowledge the fact =). so i ask her if he has a car...ans is " its his father de" btw this of hers can drive...so i kinda figure out y liao...and dun really felt THAT upset as the 1st time i heard it...cos i analyse liao i told myself, reasonable la....gt car mah...can drive...no nd flag taxi oso...then i tot abt the thing i told her abt....then mix reality and promise togther to find tht it clashed...gt car = give ride home = if follow i will be a fucking bright lamp post in the car....so y shld i even bother to go then? after all...she asked him, not me. no reason for me to there...im nthing impt to her anyway...hahaha(cold laughter)

*proceeds to go one corner emo again*

well...that just somehow sums up my thought over this situation...tml i will jus msn her a "welcome back =)"....think she will jus give me the ans> " :)[emote] with a ty " cant expect anything more than that le bah haocai? u mus know ur own limit. u-are-nthing-but-a-random-friend...must MUST remember that ok? dun always think that u talk to some1 1 or 2 days nia u like know them 2 yrs le...cannot ok?

im now like having dilemma on whether or not i shld go and "welcome" her...sure, she is not some big shot, but nonetheless she is my friend...but then she gt a friend that has the possibility to drive her home rather than me who has zero possibility of sending her home cos i have no cash and no car so i go there is be extra...cant be anything useful...

all that thinking cut short the time of her arrival to abt 8hrs left...

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jubeat:
promise myself not to play jubeat le cos i no money...well...broke that promise le...spent abt 6 bucks on that machine + 1 ddr which is 1.40...explains y i run out of money...i dun blame any1 but myself for this...pls dun come and tell me "u see la!" etc...etc...but i manage to clear my sigisg...woots...haha...

jubeat compy

2009-07-20T02:45:00.002+08:00

ok..im going to slp soon so i will give a quick post haha...thats right as my title says...jubeat competition...i join the competition at lot1 zonex wif chaserz on friday when we were there training when the auntie come and say registration is now open i was playing and jus nod my head and later ask chaser for info haha...=P then on saturday....went to play afew round of jubeat b4 resting for the tournament...wanted the jubeat clock...but up against SG top players : chaserz, rin, kurobe...etc...i participate to get doorgift nia haha...not bad leh...a cube shape memo pad and a KONAMI pen...in the end my score was 266X not the last and def. not the 1st...then after the tournament we stay on to play more jubeat and have fun...gt really high that day haha...edit TRUE LOVE, YMCA, bass2bass, evans, we sang for rin and fuck him up when he play haha...totally hilarious....sg cafe ppl are truly a fun group haha...it was nice to hang out wif them...

todae...interesting haha

2009-07-03T03:27:00.003+08:00

lol....todae i finally gt myself on the song: evans! must thank renegod for his advice haha...din noe play online oso can pass song...haha....todae wake up nearly late...>.<...reach sch late...reach classroom of cos will be later...-.-"...but once i reach the classroom, sat down, rest awhile(i chiong) then start up my com...jus as my com start up, the teacher said "ok? no problem? then thats all for todae...u may go le" i was like wtf...lol...todae i go for onli 1 fckin' lesson and ended like 30mins...-.- then i have to switch off my lappy again...then proceed to eat my lunch...gt pay yst...its miserable but its still money...haha....gotta save up for the genting trip in sept>.
okok gotta slp le...tml mus wake up at 8am and gt work at 5pm.....*sob* no choice...its for sept...T.T lol...nites all~! =3

empty vessels makes the most noise(theory cfmed)

2009-07-03T02:45:00.002+08:00

as wad my title says....empty vessels empty does make the most noise...and that theory was proven when i saw one in action....its at lot1...at around 4-5pm+ bah...gt these grp of bengs(i assume, by their dress code) they are like snatching the jubeat machine wif me and sebas lol....cos they tap my machine(we are at zonex so they use the tapz card) while im playing...distracted me alittle though...none that matters...was abit pissed but then decided not to be an asshole and let the guy play. but todae im not gonna talk abt him lol...instead i will be talking abt his other "kaki" one big plump guy...looks tough....reminds me of a gorilla...and yea...talks like one oso....loud and rowdy...nnb...reaction so loud i can hear him from the fcking counter la...but can see he pro...use one hand play lvl 10 song...haha...not bad...for a gorilla(sry...thats my impression) then i dunno y....i suddenly recall the phrase "empty vessels empty does make the most noise" and compare to that guy...and i tot : hmm....hw true...lol...he is loud,looks stupid and has a big head that vibrates when u knock on it becos inside seems empty...talks alot when he plays....talks alot oso when he is NOT PLAYING...sadded...in the end me and sebas waited until like 5+ b4 they finally 'left'...cb play 2 round of jubeat nia they are back...wif smoke smell...clearly, to take a short smoke break b4 cont. again...shld see their ign...lol...then note it down...=P but it was oso arnd the time for us to head back to sch(have pt on mondae) so me and sebas go back after a short round of jubeat...lol...i gt irriated by these kind of ppl...zzzzzzzzzzz.....but then if i think abt it...im abit like that as well...hog the machine ;P BUT if others wanna use i will let them use...then take turn lor...ppl who chiong 2-5 credits at one go are rich fuckers....lol...

words...and how i define them as...

2009-07-02T00:08:00.002+08:00

hmm....for this post...its a make up post for something i wanna write but forgtten abt it....

todae im going to talk abt hw i use these words and wads my own definition of them. =) (this is NOT a dictionary...but if u wanna learn it wif my definition, use it at ur own risk)

my 1st word will be IF...to me IF is like a imaginary action verb...here are afew following examples :
IF only this happens....
IF i press this...
IF only....
IF i hadnt done that
i will do it IF....
what IF....
now y do i say its imaginary? cos i often use the word IF when things done gt done wad i wanted....(e.g. if only i had come up wif a back up plan....i wont be so fuck up now)
the word IF is also act as a means of choice im suggesting to ppl....e.g. "wad if we do this? wad if we do that?" it give ppl...or rather , me. in this case. the question of wad will happen if i do this? whats the consequences of my actions?

nxt word: shall blog abt it when i thnk abt it lol-ed :P

felt the hatred towards me

2009-06-29T23:16:00.003+08:00

i can feel it totally todae lol...i think i piss ppl off by my crapping...i always tell myself to diam...to keep quiet...but then...ones nature cant be changed wif just one day can it haha...and oso...ok..fine, i cant take jokes esp wif its abt me, i am very defensive.......not tht i cant take ALL SORTs of jokes...but if u think of calling ppl names that they are not...that my friend, is not joking...thats framing and slander...though jokes shld be fun and all yea...i agree wif u 100%....but then if u add abit of personal atks then its not really funny le...perhaps it is to u...but not to the other party...wad i said todae may well be turn to me as well...i may oso say the wrong things at the wrong time...make jokes out of another person...i who judge ppl by hw they act knows if ur being friendly or not....todae i had a afew friends whom my impression of them has dropped signicanlly....though not to the point of no salvation....but then yea....dropped nonetheless...

im actually gonna write another post de...but then im just too tired to write anymore post todae...so i might continue tml...

last night i have this flash image again....

2009-06-29T11:31:00.003+08:00

last night...or shld i say earlier todae...at 4am...b4 i went to slp...i suddenly have my memories playback to me and it replays the part where i really felt scared...where i really could have lost my brother...where i nearly...jus nearly....become a murderer....and this thought was etched deep into my mind...its a guilt i cant erase...i am not sure if i had written it in my blog but i will tell it now...i rmb....

when i am still young, i was travelingwif my family...and my brother was...as always...being an irritant...and messing wif me...so i snapped...it happened when we are at outram park...u noe the covered paveway? yea we were walking...and my bro mess wif me until i snapped i jus grab his neck and turn....it was my quick reaction and b4 i can control my strenght...i heard a "crack" sound...i rmb i was freaked out...i quickly turn to my bro ask him is he alright...tell him to talk to me....he was abit confused but he still replied...at that time i really hugged him....and keep saying "sry..." i was closed to tears...and i was thankful....if i were to just twist his neck somemore...i...i would have become a killer...my bro's killer...that nite...as i look as my memories flashed across me...i cant help but look at my shivering hands and think how close i am to become a murderer...i dunno y this memory replay to me...but its a memory that will haunt me 4ever from time to time....killing some1 is always so easy, but its handling the after effects that hard...if i can i would not want to kill, esp if its my family, my friends or my relatives...i am thankful....just thankful...i hate&love my bro....he is both an irritant and and irreplaceable person...he is my one and only brother...

nebo card registration madness haha....

2009-06-26T01:17:00.003+08:00

todae's post will be short and sweet....happen afew interesting things....

woke up and prep to go do some cash transfer from 1 bank to another then to finish up my nebo card registration using that bank's card....not bad...then after registration, i put it in my wallet but was looking at it over and over again that i THINK i misplace it when i board the bus when im going home....realise its not in my pocket or in my wallet...then panic...suddenly have an inspiration that it might still be on the bus...so i took a gamble and headed for the bus stop...and hope its the same bus...the good news is that its the same bus, the bad news is there is no ticket on it...so i alight one stop from the interchange and realise i shld go interchange and search for it...so i walk to the interchange AGAIN and find....cant find it anywhere...as i was waiting i think of the possibility of me dropping it on the bus stop i alighted....oso no luck....so i went back and announce the ticket as gone case....ask sebas for advise...he said jus post pic can liao...heng ar...still can...so i "heck care" abt the ticket liao...until my dad said he found a ticket and ask if its mine...it is...and its in the house...-.- oh well...slide it into my wallet where it belongs and wait lor...my friend said the card will be send to me via mail....hope that when i gt the card i can gt lots of benefits as stated there and most imptly use it...lol...went out to meet sebas at around 6+ to lot1 to play jubeat...when i arrive, there was alrdy spammers there le...so i watch them play as i wait for sebas...one is a pro the other is....well...lets just say not-so-pro.....when sebas arrive i tell him we have spammers i see his face abit sian liao....then we play an alternative game : silent hill. the game me and kl complete on 1st try or issit 2nd? oh well...impt thing is we complete the game...hahaha....play until abt 7+ then i head off to JP while sebas went to range....phone my bro and realise my parents and him havent step out of the house yet...so this means one thing....when i reach JP i will go zoneX and chiong jubeat....played 2 times...2nd time i accidentally challenge another player...i think he never takes me seriously...and let me win...but then i manage to pwn him 3 times...perhaps he shld do the same to me...i choose 2 songs he choose 1....i choose : 負けないで(extreme) and snow goose(advance) while he choose :[(in the name of love (i think)] but the result is still the same i pwned him....and the best part , he was surrounded by his friends...girls if i rmb correctly...then head down to eat dinner and some jap restraunt, yakiyaki...the food is not "yaki" cos its seriously nice...can go...but then money wise...not very nice...haha...after dinner, me and my bro went back to zonex to cont. jubeat...haha...then after that go back to ntuc xtra to meet up wif my parents...then go back...and thats all fo the day liao ok bbies~ =D

lol...so much for being short and sweet....xD =P