this feeling again...

its been a long time since i have this feeling again...its been...let me rewind abit....erm...1 yrs+ le....im not sure anymore...but i noe that im racing against time again...lol...

yst i go sim lim wif meng, suppose to be accompany him look for job for IT show de....lol...sim lim dun have so end up we go suntec try our luck...and lol...we end up going for the career and educational fair 2009, we look thru all the courses that they provide in Uni...and yea...i have set my mind on going to NUS B-tech programme...no not Bio-tech, its Bechelor -technology(mechancical engineering) i want to either learn mechanical or chemical...chemical because its been my interest, mechanical cause it can land me a job anywhere. lol..sry angiie, dun think i will be seeing u in NTU liao unless i go for the business course there hahaha.... =P . B-tech is a part time degree programme so it means i nd to 2 yrs working exp and a dip. at the very least. wif my current gpa...i dun think i stand a chance to go uni le...so might as well i finish my ns then i go for my uni education. i heard its tough...but i will make it. so it means i gotta start saving now lol...for a btr tml bah haha....

oh yea b4 i end this post, i'll do a quick recap of wad happen this this last 2 wks,

-went for the bbq gathering(failed cos of rain)
-wittness my friend's poor jiu liang
-manage to complete driving until 5.01, now waiting for TP test
-found out that test date same as the release of my exam results(fck sia)
-began working again after 2 wks of leave
-pay for feb was measlily(186 nia)
-have alot of plans going on in my mind
-havent tot of hw to carry them out
-mix feelings

wanted to say things but afraid of the possible consequences, i sometimes hate myself for being like that , cant do wad i can, sometimes being a nato, hate myself for being weak and cant comfort others, wan to lend a hand to help but could not do so, wan to be wif some1 but something always crop up....depress is not a word 1 can easily said but yes, i am depress. not wif others but myself, depress over the upcoming results, depress over later todae i go work have to face the supervisor's face again, depress that what i feel might be one-sided...but as i said....if ur not very happy, im willing to exchange my smiles for ur sorrow, may i be the one the share ur burden. this applies not to all but my close friends.

i mayb thinking too much , i may think that i might not have live long and thus, i dun have the right to love any1.(i watch too much drama le lol) , if i were to write a will right now, the 1st one i will put is not to delete this blog. the one thing that can have specific remembrance of myself. lol

sometimes i laugh too much , that it become an irritant to others, that i apologise, cos i am a sorta a cheerful person, on the outside that is. the inside me, is not really sociable, dun really laugh and the usual face is -.- . but whats wrong wif being happy? happy is good =). i wish to see others happy, sadness is but a waste of ur happiness,

roses are red
violets are blue
i have my smiles
keep yours too!
if ur sad
pls dun fret
for i am
here for u
to erase ur sadness
and replace wif happiness
the smile on ur face
is the joy of my life
with each smile u bring
u bright up a day in my life

if ur sad or hurt, pls say so, cos i cant bear seeing a smiling sad person , if u wanna cry , jus let go, i will be ur shoulder, if ur angry and wan to shout out, i will be ur ear, if u nd to punch some1...find that person and take it out...if worst comes to worst, i will be ur punching bag...jus dun punch too hard...i nd to live hahaha....

some words are hurtful,
some words are harsh,
but some of them have a deeper meaning,
than being harsh
some phrases are sweet and nice
but they hide a dagger behind
realise this
that one can onli see
the true meaning behind these phrases
if they are calm and relax
take it to heart and
u fall to their trap
hear and forgt
and u might be a happier person

sry ar...suddenly become so peotic.lol...if that word is considered english -.-
and any case i have written my post for todae might update again later tonite....andi emphasize on the word MIGHT

bb gtg work liao...haiz...

the song thats nice but makes me emo lol...

gui ji - Jay Chou

怎么隐藏 我的悲伤 失去你的地方
你的发香 散的匆忙 我已经跟不上
闭上眼睛 还能看见 你离去的痕迹
在月光下 一直找寻 那想念的身影

如果说分手 是苦痛的起点
那在终点之前 我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说的 不敢说的爱
会不会有人 可以明白

我会发着呆 然后忘记你 接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天 会有人代替 让我不再想念你
我会发着呆 然后微微笑 接着紧紧闭上眼
又想了一遍 你温柔的脸 在我忘记之前

心里的眼泪 模糊了视线 你已快看不见

this is a nice song...but has it play i think of alot of things...and i jus feel heavy and sad and lonely all of a sudden...i wan u...but will i be able to make u happy? will u accept me?

back to the old times again haha...

i have return to the world of cabalsea haha...they gt so many patch and changes that those original players that quit i think if they come back they wont recognize their own characters ha ha

listening to my new blog song...

my new blog song, shiawase na hibi. purely instruments....no vocals...this music let me feel a sense of sadness, its as if its depicting some1 that was at the sidelines watching as life pass by and the sadness in it...but at the same time...its also peaceful...

i like to observe....anything....as long as its moving i will observe...as i will do the same for life as well...my life if possible...i want to watch at the sidelines and see wad happens....observing but not interfereing...watches as one life is gone, another is created. watches as 1 destroys another life while another help to save 1.....

...>.<....

todae i totally buanged the paper....and i gt sick....jus recovered nia...still gt cough and running nose....25th my last paper...tml chiong study....SO MANY THINGS TO DO SO LITTLE TIME!!!

can finally catch a breather from driving lessons....25th i gt my auto car...marcus say its easy, hope so bah...lol...i finally reached 4.02...and other 2 more lessons and im safe le...the 2 lessons are : 4.03 and 5.01 , as there is onli 1 auto car lesson....and im taking it on 25th...im not so worried haha...unless 5.01 my 1st session buanged...then 2nd session nd to pass or else...DIE lol...

right now not the time to worry abt driving! omg.!
here my goal for tml :
-finish all past yr papers
-master and know how to apply the formulas
-chiong finish everthing in 1 day
-slp early!
-say hi to angie
-update wad happen at the end of the day on my blog

another 2 in 1 post lol...

i have been writing alot of posts that comprises of 2 days of events haha....psps...

20th feb,

was suppose to be my birthday, im SUPPOSE t0 be happy...but din feel that great...cos of my math paper...NP is so nice to give me such "wonderful" present =.=..i really hope i pass this module...i dunwan to repeat! >.<

21th feb,

the day after my birthday....went go grandma hse to eat crab...brought along my thermo to study...and i gt stuck at qn 1.4 wtf...not even 1 qn leh...sian sian sian...lol...finished revising for that day le then go play l4d wif my bro...haha....nice...

[>.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.<]x100

tml is my birthday and im here cramming math eqns into my head...for tml de math paper....haiz...