i found that im very poor at expressing myself...i cant bring myself to say out "i like you" or "i love you" infront of ppl...i have something to confess...if i had said that time and place matters...abit true and abit on my attempt to escape...i foresee things...things that i will do and will surely go wrong or wont happen , my inner sense tell me not to do it...but i still do it...cos i folo my heart...this i can tell u now its 100% accurate.
i foresee the breakup wif xm, even b4 i begin courting her...but i still do it...i rmb the time i had wif her...i CURSE my weak body...it shivers during cold at the slightest drop of temp. whenever i think of it...i feel so paiseh!!!! Y DOES THIS THINGS KEEPS HAPPENING TO ME?!!?! I HAD IT ! I HAD ENUF! WHY WHEN I WANT THINGS TO GO LEFT IT GO RIGHT, Y ISIT WHENEVER I LIKE A GIRL ITS ALWAYS ONE-SIDED, WHY DOES SUCH THINGS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME...I NOW SO FRUSTRATED AT MY OWN LIFE RIGHT NOW IM CRYING...NOT SADNESS...ITS ANGER...Y I ALWAYS FEEL SO LEFT OUT? FRIENDS? DUN KID WIF ME, I DUN REALLY HAVE BEST FRIENDS...I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS YES BUT BUT....not 1 know the real me....the real me that is suffering in me...the outer me try to show an alternative image of myself, but my inner real self if taking on the burden of all the dark secrets that i have...and i know...these secrets cant be let out...AT ANY COST...IT WILL CAUSE ME MY REPUTATION...IF PPL WERE TO KNOW WADS MY HABIT...THEY WILL SHUNNED ME! BUT! WAD CAN I DO? THOSE ARE THINGS THAT FOLO ME FOR THE PAST 20 YRS OF MY LIFE...ITS NOT SOMETHING THAT I CAN CHANGE THAT EASILY...its not someting...a girl will like...i get that im a weird person...i get that froma lot of girls...but i dunno wads so weird abt me???? do i look as if i enjoy being weird? NO I DUN , BUT THEN I DUNNO WAD TO SAY BUT TO SMILE AND SAY "i gt that alot of times" I NOE MY PERSONALITY IS WEIRD...WAD I DO FOR U ALL IS WEIRD BUT THIS IS HW I DO THINGS...Y PUT TO SO THAT I FEEL THAT WAD I DID I MEANINGLESS??? I ALWAYS TRY NOT TO DO THINGS THAT MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE TO U.
BE CONT. WHEN I KNOW WAD TO WRITE ABT MY FCK UP LIFE AGAIN
Thursday, March 12, 2009
todae is very fck up
my life is very fuck up...as usual...nothing goes right for me u see...not for my studies, not for my social life, not for my r/s(if i had 1)...nothing goes right...NOTHING...
slpt until 11+...switch on lappy, do the usual things...check msn,hotmail, manga, anime...see whos online , who can talk wif me....as there is no 1...i spent the time reading my manga lists....then i go wash up, eat my vegetarian breakfast cum lunch, imagine eating salty food with 3 ulcers on ur lips...-.- anyway...then i rot infront of my com then realise its 1.15pm....i gt driving at 2.10pm...so i go take a bath and when i left the hse its like 1.45 liddat...sure cannot make it le...so i hail a cab...manage to gt there in time and then proceed to do my revision...lol! gt improve leh...car nver stall ^^ , onli afew minor mistakes here and there...then when we are abt to end lesson...i cut into the wrong lane...lol...this is the convers i had wif him at that time...:
me: huh? wad happen?
instructor say : walao...liddat sure fail liao...
me : oh liddat immediate failure ar...?
instructor :(nod head)
me : sian 1/2 all nice nice then at the last stretch kena one immediate failure ccb...
instructor : (laugh)
lesson ended without much of a trouble...jus nd to adjust some techniques...then lesson ended at 3.50pm manage to catch bus no.985 jus in time, then i tot to myself, "aiya...now still gt time b4 work(i start at 5pm) take 985 then transfer to 61/184 to np...then ta-bao subway to work at dinner" the prob is that i forgt that im taking 985 and not 66 cos 66 gt go to a stop where theres 184 and 61 to take....985 dun have...and while on the bus...i doze off...wake up jus to find myself miss the stop...but i tot nvm...later i gt off and walk back...that...was my original plan.
but then 985 went str. to PIE i was like OMG SHIT LA.... i press the doorbell lol...PIE + doorbell = no effect? i stop at 1 stop...AFTER PIE....and its at cjc...abts. great...i look at all the bus services and all of them head hougang...FANTASTIC...then i frantically search for a bus that will take me somewhere nearer...the nearest place is toa payoh mrt stn...then i look at my watch...still gt 30mins...mayb can make it...ccb...board the bus then the train...reach clementi onli to get off at the wrong exit...=.=" then i see the time its alrdy 5.15pm no joke...i start work at 5pm...i rush cab onli to find the cab do a round then gt back to somewhere near the place i hail it...then the driver say "if u wan go sunset way take the opp. side of the train station"....I WAS SO ANGRY AT MYSELF THAT I DUN CARE WAD HE SAYS...JUS DRIVE GOD DAMMIT!! i reach my workplace at 5.30pm jus as my boss sms me "where are u?" lol...then at work oso pretty boring la...not much customers...and we end the day quite early...take 61 back to interchange...with a hungry stomach(money spent it all on cab) check my ezlink and decide its enuf to buy something to eat at mac...and so i did...1 McChicken + 1 apple pie...bring back home to eat...i ate my apple pie on the way home and some of the apple bits fell onto my shirt!!! argh!!
jus so u noe...its not consider the worst day of my life...i have seen worst...where everything...EVERY GOD DAMNED THING go wrong in WADEVA things i do...my life is pretty fuck up right now and i am really frustrated abt it...
-i cant do wad most ppl are doing
-i cant do wad i wan
-i predict possible failures yet i continue to do them
-i wan to run away to a place no 1 to tell me wad to do
-i wan to drive around and wonder how i have live my life until now
-i really hope to have some1 to care for
-i believe that if 1 is not interested in u , u are wasting ur effort even if u are interested in that some1, cos its all one sided
-i had enuf of one-sided affairs
-i wan to make my life more interesting
-if im destined to be a loner, no matter how many girls u giv me i will still be single cos they wont choose me or accept me
- if wad im doing right now is wad u call by having depression i dun giv a dam
-if i were to be given a reset button to reset my life, i will press it immediately
-finally, if heaven is planning to play wif my life liddat i would choose to end it rather than let u play wif my life, sadly though i condemned suicides so i will suffer in agony LET U BE HAPPY...FOR I NOE IM NOT GONNA GO TO HEAVEN AND COMPLAIN TO U ABT MY LIFE
slpt until 11+...switch on lappy, do the usual things...check msn,hotmail, manga, anime...see whos online , who can talk wif me....as there is no 1...i spent the time reading my manga lists....then i go wash up, eat my vegetarian breakfast cum lunch, imagine eating salty food with 3 ulcers on ur lips...-.- anyway...then i rot infront of my com then realise its 1.15pm....i gt driving at 2.10pm...so i go take a bath and when i left the hse its like 1.45 liddat...sure cannot make it le...so i hail a cab...manage to gt there in time and then proceed to do my revision...lol! gt improve leh...car nver stall ^^ , onli afew minor mistakes here and there...then when we are abt to end lesson...i cut into the wrong lane...lol...this is the convers i had wif him at that time...:
me: huh? wad happen?
instructor say : walao...liddat sure fail liao...
me : oh liddat immediate failure ar...?
instructor :(nod head)
me : sian 1/2 all nice nice then at the last stretch kena one immediate failure ccb...
instructor : (laugh)
lesson ended without much of a trouble...jus nd to adjust some techniques...then lesson ended at 3.50pm manage to catch bus no.985 jus in time, then i tot to myself, "aiya...now still gt time b4 work(i start at 5pm) take 985 then transfer to 61/184 to np...then ta-bao subway to work at dinner" the prob is that i forgt that im taking 985 and not 66 cos 66 gt go to a stop where theres 184 and 61 to take....985 dun have...and while on the bus...i doze off...wake up jus to find myself miss the stop...but i tot nvm...later i gt off and walk back...that...was my original plan.
but then 985 went str. to PIE i was like OMG SHIT LA.... i press the doorbell lol...PIE + doorbell = no effect? i stop at 1 stop...AFTER PIE....and its at cjc...abts. great...i look at all the bus services and all of them head hougang...FANTASTIC...then i frantically search for a bus that will take me somewhere nearer...the nearest place is toa payoh mrt stn...then i look at my watch...still gt 30mins...mayb can make it...ccb...board the bus then the train...reach clementi onli to get off at the wrong exit...=.=" then i see the time its alrdy 5.15pm no joke...i start work at 5pm...i rush cab onli to find the cab do a round then gt back to somewhere near the place i hail it...then the driver say "if u wan go sunset way take the opp. side of the train station"....I WAS SO ANGRY AT MYSELF THAT I DUN CARE WAD HE SAYS...JUS DRIVE GOD DAMMIT!! i reach my workplace at 5.30pm jus as my boss sms me "where are u?" lol...then at work oso pretty boring la...not much customers...and we end the day quite early...take 61 back to interchange...with a hungry stomach(money spent it all on cab) check my ezlink and decide its enuf to buy something to eat at mac...and so i did...1 McChicken + 1 apple pie...bring back home to eat...i ate my apple pie on the way home and some of the apple bits fell onto my shirt!!! argh!!
jus so u noe...its not consider the worst day of my life...i have seen worst...where everything...EVERY GOD DAMNED THING go wrong in WADEVA things i do...my life is pretty fuck up right now and i am really frustrated abt it...
-i cant do wad most ppl are doing
-i cant do wad i wan
-i predict possible failures yet i continue to do them
-i wan to run away to a place no 1 to tell me wad to do
-i wan to drive around and wonder how i have live my life until now
-i really hope to have some1 to care for
-i believe that if 1 is not interested in u , u are wasting ur effort even if u are interested in that some1, cos its all one sided
-i had enuf of one-sided affairs
-i wan to make my life more interesting
-if im destined to be a loner, no matter how many girls u giv me i will still be single cos they wont choose me or accept me
- if wad im doing right now is wad u call by having depression i dun giv a dam
-if i were to be given a reset button to reset my life, i will press it immediately
-finally, if heaven is planning to play wif my life liddat i would choose to end it rather than let u play wif my life, sadly though i condemned suicides so i will suffer in agony LET U BE HAPPY...FOR I NOE IM NOT GONNA GO TO HEAVEN AND COMPLAIN TO U ABT MY LIFE
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
i have lost the battle b4 it even started
as my title says...now i feel that i have lost the battle b4 it even started, i dunno wad to say liao...rmb me saying that i was racing against time? i have lost and again im in a pathetic state of mind right now...
there is no point having the body if u din manage to capture the heart
there is no point having the body if u din manage to capture the heart
lol...songs again lol...
每天愛你多一些 (國) (Loving You Everyday) - 張學友 Jacky Cheung
每天爱你多一些
也曾追求 也曾失落
不再有梦 是你为我
推开天窗 打开心锁
让希望 又转动
忙碌奔波 偶而迷惑
为了什么 是你给我
一份感动 一个理由
不疲倦 不脆弱
这世界的永恒不多
让我们也成为一种
情深如海 不移如山
用一生爱不完
我的爱一天比一天更热烈
要给你多些再多些不停歇
让你的生命只有甜和美 OH OH
遗忘该怎么流浪
我的爱一天比一天更热烈
要给你多些再多些不停歇
让恋人钟爱的每一句誓言 OH OH
不再难追 全都实现
...MUSIC ...
心中有爱 人生如歌
唱着欢乐 海阔天空
来去从容 不惹烦忧
有了你 别无求
这世界的永恒不多
让我们也成为一种
情深如海 不移如山
用一生爱不完
我的爱一天比一天更热烈
要给你多些再多些不停歇
让你的生命只有甜和美 OH OH
遗忘该怎么流浪
我的爱一天比一天更热烈
要给你多些再多些不停歇
让恋人钟爱的每一句誓言 OH OH
不再难追 全都实现
我的爱一天比一天更热烈
要给你多些再多些不停歇
让你的生命只有甜和美 OH OH
遗忘该怎么流浪
我的爱一天比一天还要坚决
要给你多些然后再多一些
让恋人钟爱的每一句誓言 OH OH
不再难追 全都实现
i dun have the song(cant find in imeem) so i jus paste the lyrics...haha...
Monday, March 9, 2009
something i wonder...lol
sometimes i wonder...y did i like u in the 1st place?
ur so unpredictable, hard to understand and sometimes weird....
but then i always find the ans at the end
.
.
.
and that is it is because of all this that i like u.
cheers for a btr tml =)
ur so unpredictable, hard to understand and sometimes weird....
but then i always find the ans at the end
.
.
.
and that is it is because of all this that i like u.
cheers for a btr tml =)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
lol...im getting additcted at this haha...
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. (very true) If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.(1/2 correct)
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. (very true) If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.(1/2 correct)
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
a song for u xm
An Jing - Jay Chou
i know that u dun have my blog link, and therefore will not come and read, but im still gonna post a song for u...take it as me dedicating this song to u as to represent how i felt when u left me. though many mths have pass, whenever i saw u, i still feel uncomfortable. this is not a hate post, take it as my remembrance to our relationship. though we kept it in silence, its still a fun time. regardless how short it was...that i want to say thank you to u.
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