ICONT paper...and some other things..

hmm...ICONT paper...din go too bad...at least i gt confidence to pass the paper, not score...be happy if i can get a C or even D+. the paper...manage to make my writing hand ice cold and numb. i dunno even know wad happen. cos i realise i had only have 30mins to the paper and im still on the last question!(i do the back questions 1st so its 5,6,7,1,2,3,4). i was smiling to myself when i saw the 1st question though, calibration table. and its the easiest table i have done! but overall, im still scared.

so now im trying to destress myself but not to the point of stopping my brain. facebooking took some of my thoughts off my brain but still. it wasn't enough. so i thought of jubeating. and today me and daniel are suppose to go book the badminton court. but along the way go collect my pay haha...i meet him at 12.30..late as always ><" and meet him at timezone, decide to jubeat cos he decided to treat me to one game haha. i being no money at that time, consent to it =D. played a game. feels good. then go and collect my pay at sw, lol, initially wanted brownies but in the end had waffles instead xD. after which, we head back to bb bus interchange where i go straight up to buy my powercard. 20 bucks man now i can afford. ><" . then i go well not spam jus play like 2 games of jubeat b4 going to bt.gombak sports hall to book the courts but in the end it turns out that all the time slots are fully booked and so we gt no choice but to go back home lor...afterwards go back out again because i cant resist the urge to jubeat.....

when i reach westmall, i saw lots of noobs...and i try not to compare because i was once like them oso. then i wait patiently for my fav. machine, the one nearest to the DDR machine. careful of any1 that might take away my position as " the nxt one to play" i make my intentions obvious thru glares of " dun-u-hog-the-machine" and " im-next-you-wait" . then i play, i feel that when i play jubeat i tend to forget myself. its like a high i get. then it hit me, im addicted to jubeat...AGAIN! but jubeating helps me sort of destress, me being myself. i oso realise i like the attention i got from other ppl by jubeating...attention as in ppl looking at me play. not those that stand besides me and be distraction. have i become an attention seeking guy? hmm...maybe i am. but then maybe i just wanted ppl to acknowledge wad i do bah...

jubeating for me have turn out to be a form of escape...no matter how i dunwan to escape i end up doing so. because i just want to forget...all those painful memories. pretending to be happy. how long more can i maintain that facade until i can meet someone that i can fully tell everything thats buggy me? psychologist or counselor dun work, cos i dun trust them.

if i can shout i would really want to shout, i wanna cry. but i only want to do so...i dunwan any1 to see me cry yet i want some1 to comfort me when im being so. i wanted to shout it out but i dunwan to be labeled as a retard. my heart is now like a .rar file, its very compressed with all my emotions that i dun think its appropriate to let ppl know.when i feel that i shld not be using that tone, when i dun wish to make a scene just because of a very small thing. i always give in to others to the point i jus take wadeva that was given to me, till when everybody make use of me le and im like outlive my usefulness le then cast me aside.

lol...i dunno facebook can 'defriend' someone...i know can block. but dunno can dun friend someone...does wad i wrote sound nostalgic? whens the last time u heard ur friend saying "i dunwan/ dun friend u anymore hmph!" haha...anyway...just to make every1 know abt this , i am not a psychic therefore i dunno wad is ur hidden meaning! i dun get subtle msg/hint! pls just tell me directly be it good or bad. i may take it bad but i will be fine after afew mths...i swear that i would never commit suicide(except if i am captured by the enemy during war and have no choice but to do that)

i <3 jubeat! i love myself? i <3 to GET THE HELL OUT OF NP AND GO NS AND GET ON WITH LIFE OMG!