Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
its been a long time since i posted haha...
lol...as the name implies...its been a very long time since i post something...lets go back to result day, haha...the day b4 that fateful day, i cant seem to slp...in fact...i cant slp well in the 2 days prior to result day...and to make things worst...i gt driving lesson at 8am...x.x so yea...manage to force myself to slp at 4am...then wake up at 7am to check my result...i din gt marvelous results but i still pass everything! ahahaha...i jump around in joy and relieve...after that i rush for my driving lesson...lol...drive halfway stomach ache...wah...crap haha...but then when i read my mail and found out i pass everything i was so happy! the 1st person i sms was angie lol...tot she slping...but i sms anyway ;p thanks for everything =D i like u even more now haha...xD
after afew days...on the 20th...i go attend my cousin's ROM or otherwise known as register of marriage (i think) lol...my shoe 'open mouth' on that day sia...sibei sian....then not onli open mouth...the whole front sole came out...win liao....heng ceremony over liao then its life ended or else i sure sian1/2 lol...met up wif my cousins....father side de...onli close cousins i have is my little cousin, angelina, older cousins henry and alex(henry is married wif 2 daughters while alex is engaged) and that day was alex's ROM lol...soon im going to have another nephew/niece le haha but that will be in another 3-4 yrs later(they are officially gtting married in 2 yrs time) by then yea haha....i will be out of army le....or still in..i dunno haha...my cousin is predicting that mine will be nxt haha xD i shrug and said " well...who knows...mayb urs will come earlier than me" as always...i said it wif a smile.
that day was short...but tiring...when the ceremony ends nearly all our energy gone le...
after afew days...on the 20th...i go attend my cousin's ROM or otherwise known as register of marriage (i think) lol...my shoe 'open mouth' on that day sia...sibei sian....then not onli open mouth...the whole front sole came out...win liao....heng ceremony over liao then its life ended or else i sure sian1/2 lol...met up wif my cousins....father side de...onli close cousins i have is my little cousin, angelina, older cousins henry and alex(henry is married wif 2 daughters while alex is engaged) and that day was alex's ROM lol...soon im going to have another nephew/niece le haha but that will be in another 3-4 yrs later(they are officially gtting married in 2 yrs time) by then yea haha....i will be out of army le....or still in..i dunno haha...my cousin is predicting that mine will be nxt haha xD i shrug and said " well...who knows...mayb urs will come earlier than me" as always...i said it wif a smile.
that day was short...but tiring...when the ceremony ends nearly all our energy gone le...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
insomia nites
yst i tried slping at 2am+...cant slp...onli manage to gt myself to slp at arnd 5+....cos my mind is not tired yet...zzzzz....too many things happen in my mind and i cant slp well...><
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
stuffed up...
this week is emo week for me...the result release day is gtting onto me,im not afraid of my results...im afraid my nxt course of action depending on my result...then comes the sense of uselessness, disappointment and the heavy pressure...just yesterday...i had a dream, i dreamt thati failed my exams and was kicked out of sch...my family cannot believe it, im saddened, i wanna cry but somehow my tears just dun come out...then suddenly i was in another place, i was confessing to her, but she said no, then say"looks like we can no longer be friends" i stone there and said to myself"gg" then i gt transported back again...to my result....this time, its me, during the driving lesson, i was so nervous abt the result i totally lost control over my hands...till now i experience it...my hands shake....i dunno hw to control them...i dunno...i dunno...i dunno.....THEN i woke up...my heart is beating very fast...as though my soul was abruptly pulled back and smack heart 1st back into my body...i woke up panting, im worried sick...i wanna go out...but then aways change plans....my heart is aching...really...some1 pls find a salvation...relieve me from this ache...thats coming from my stuffed up feelings.....my heart feels empty, my heart tells me that i really need a companion...my instinct told me to get a gf FAST....but my mind puts a stop to all this saying "this is not the time yet..." i dun normally have this kind of feeling...till im 18 yrs old...im a carefree guy who lives on his own ways, feels happy wif his friends around and worried abt exam results....no more...nw im a sadden idiot...this wk pls get it over pls! get it done and get it over wif....ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna cry...i really do...but somehow my heart dun allow me to cry unless im wif her....im not so sure y am i like this? normally my floodgates will open very easily...mayb cos i dunwan cry infront of my family members...i dunwan them to worry. i rather cry infront of friends than cry infront of family....i rather lost face infront of friends rather than lose face infront of my family, y? cos friends can be replaced....new friends will come along as we grow up...im in the stage where i dun care if my impression to the others is bad anot liao...i dun care le...cos i really feel i cant do anything...cant even do simple things like confessing...therefore everything i want to do and manage to do it is all in my mind, its so real, that my heart would stop aching...cos i really feel blissed...omgomg...i nd u , i want u! i love u! but i dunno if im able to be able to sustain wif u.....cos in terms of status quo. i am beneath u...this i feel im not good enuf for u...u said i still can go uni? forgt it...wif gpa 1+....i can dream on...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
i wonder...truly...i wondered....
i wonder y u are always in misery...
i wonder y ur so dense...
i wonder that am i stupid is actually wait and see
i wonder shld i give up
i wonder...
i feel dead, empty and really disappointed at ur taste....
im tired of this waiting game...mayb it is consider a game for u....
i gt ur hint.
its real fun isn't it, to see ppl getting false hopes up.knowing they cant achieve it but still egging them to do it...encouraging them to do the things they want but u urself know that it will not succeed.1st u place a ray of hope , then u take the hope away, and wait until the moment when i really emo and sad, do u put jus alittle ray of hope...y are u doing this to me? cant u let my heart lay dead? y must u make it beat onli to make it die again? y?
of cos, wad im thinking now is all delusional...u are of cos free to do wad u like...when i think back on wad im doing now...im like repeating past mistakes...and i really look stupid. so y cant i say wad i felt? ans: insecurities. like u, i do research. and i found that u....are not urself anymore....cos ur heart is gone...it has...how to i phrase it......."flutter away"........and u know that im the type that dun go for girls who have some1 they like cos they will reject u and even if they accept u, u think their heart is wif u? HELL FUCKING NO , thats y i like personality over facial looks.
after reading this post, u may, at certain point, write something in my Cbox or leave a comment. i doubt it will look nice, but its ok...i will take wadeva u throw at me...
cant u understand that there is some1 who is waiting for u instead of chasing after some1 who is not even interested in u?
i wonder y ur so dense...
i wonder that am i stupid is actually wait and see
i wonder shld i give up
i wonder...
i feel dead, empty and really disappointed at ur taste....
im tired of this waiting game...mayb it is consider a game for u....
i gt ur hint.
its real fun isn't it, to see ppl getting false hopes up.knowing they cant achieve it but still egging them to do it...encouraging them to do the things they want but u urself know that it will not succeed.1st u place a ray of hope , then u take the hope away, and wait until the moment when i really emo and sad, do u put jus alittle ray of hope...y are u doing this to me? cant u let my heart lay dead? y must u make it beat onli to make it die again? y?
of cos, wad im thinking now is all delusional...u are of cos free to do wad u like...when i think back on wad im doing now...im like repeating past mistakes...and i really look stupid. so y cant i say wad i felt? ans: insecurities. like u, i do research. and i found that u....are not urself anymore....cos ur heart is gone...it has...how to i phrase it......."flutter away"........and u know that im the type that dun go for girls who have some1 they like cos they will reject u and even if they accept u, u think their heart is wif u? HELL FUCKING NO , thats y i like personality over facial looks.
after reading this post, u may, at certain point, write something in my Cbox or leave a comment. i doubt it will look nice, but its ok...i will take wadeva u throw at me...
cant u understand that there is some1 who is waiting for u instead of chasing after some1 who is not even interested in u?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
vivace X : the essay i wrote during the concert
this post/essay is something i wrote in my hp while i was attending vivace X harmonica concert@RP TRCC....the following is the exact essay thats in my hp.
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1st experience going to a concert,well...alone that is,feeling of lonliness is definitely there but i would like to experience it myself wad a concert ambiance is like,from where im Q-ing, excited crowd lining up wif their friends,some, 2 chat while waiting,some old friends catching up on old times,couples came hoping 2 enjoy the romantic evening,families coming to relax after a wk of hardwork, of cos,there are ppl like me who came alone,some for the sake of friends.For me? i came becos i nver attended a public concert b4. that is of cos, not my main reason for coming, she is the main reason for me to come.
As the band members starts to sat down at their respective places, i search anxiously for a familiar face, n for the 1st time in my life, i curse my eyes for being so blurry.As i can scan the stage, afew more ppl came in, n there, i spotted her, the girl that manage to make my heart pound like crazy.wearing black shirt and long pants and a yellow tie, she walk into the stage in the back row on the left. I doubt she gt see me as she is talking to her fellow club members.
As the concert starts, i begin to relax myself and listen to the enchanting musics, the good ones so far was fen fei and can can.these songs are really musics to my ears,then come the intermission,as the audience proceed to leave the theater for a short break, i too, left to see angie, but she was very much happy herself, i felt abit left out but not really being emo, tried to catch her attention by strolling past infront of her hoping she would call my name but of no avail, saddened, i stepped outside 2 welcome the warm air, take a breather and watch her as she run from one place to another, finally entering the theater again. Instinctively i followed, spotted her taking pic wif another friend, she look abit sad abt something while talking to her friend, form her lips i can tell she is pek chek about something,then as i am here typing away my essay about the concert todae, she called me =D. i was filled wif happiness,when she found me,she ran towards me(i later found that its becos of time constraints) and wanna take a pic, the pic taken was not nice becos of the angle, but becos of it...she was close to me...and i like the closeness. As the 2nd half of the concert begins, i listen to another harmonica band called FRESCO, i like their moon river, and some of the songs they played. the last 2 songs are epic, my favorite is the song "raider's march" by john williams.
after the concert, i gave angie a thumbs up and she smiled brightly. i can tell that she is happy.i too is happy when she is happy as well...i stay back later to congrat her....in the end onli manage to say afew stuff out...ended up taking pic for her...i really wanted to walk her home...but she said that she is going home wif her friends...so yea...i gt the msg...and proceed to go back...not home but lot1, cos after hearing cancan during the concert i felt i can up my score in jubeat...and i did...played until 12mn. dun really feel like going home...keep thinking of alot of stuff....
truth to be told, i really want to date her...i dun care hw the other guys see her...she is different among the girls i met....
hehe...sry...being real random here
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last time, a girl confessed to me, i rmb the heart pounding feeling of that time. that feeling lying dormant in my heart for so long is waking again...now i wonder wad will happen if im that girl instead. hehe...>//////< someone once asked me this question."whats love?" i thought about it and replied "i dunno whats love,but i know that my life won't be complete without her"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st experience going to a concert,well...alone that is,feeling of lonliness is definitely there but i would like to experience it myself wad a concert ambiance is like,from where im Q-ing, excited crowd lining up wif their friends,some, 2 chat while waiting,some old friends catching up on old times,couples came hoping 2 enjoy the romantic evening,families coming to relax after a wk of hardwork, of cos,there are ppl like me who came alone,some for the sake of friends.For me? i came becos i nver attended a public concert b4. that is of cos, not my main reason for coming, she is the main reason for me to come.
As the band members starts to sat down at their respective places, i search anxiously for a familiar face, n for the 1st time in my life, i curse my eyes for being so blurry.As i can scan the stage, afew more ppl came in, n there, i spotted her, the girl that manage to make my heart pound like crazy.wearing black shirt and long pants and a yellow tie, she walk into the stage in the back row on the left. I doubt she gt see me as she is talking to her fellow club members.
As the concert starts, i begin to relax myself and listen to the enchanting musics, the good ones so far was fen fei and can can.these songs are really musics to my ears,then come the intermission,as the audience proceed to leave the theater for a short break, i too, left to see angie, but she was very much happy herself, i felt abit left out but not really being emo, tried to catch her attention by strolling past infront of her hoping she would call my name but of no avail, saddened, i stepped outside 2 welcome the warm air, take a breather and watch her as she run from one place to another, finally entering the theater again. Instinctively i followed, spotted her taking pic wif another friend, she look abit sad abt something while talking to her friend, form her lips i can tell she is pek chek about something,then as i am here typing away my essay about the concert todae, she called me =D. i was filled wif happiness,when she found me,she ran towards me(i later found that its becos of time constraints) and wanna take a pic, the pic taken was not nice becos of the angle, but becos of it...she was close to me...and i like the closeness. As the 2nd half of the concert begins, i listen to another harmonica band called FRESCO, i like their moon river, and some of the songs they played. the last 2 songs are epic, my favorite is the song "raider's march" by john williams.
after the concert, i gave angie a thumbs up and she smiled brightly. i can tell that she is happy.i too is happy when she is happy as well...i stay back later to congrat her....in the end onli manage to say afew stuff out...ended up taking pic for her...i really wanted to walk her home...but she said that she is going home wif her friends...so yea...i gt the msg...and proceed to go back...not home but lot1, cos after hearing cancan during the concert i felt i can up my score in jubeat...and i did...played until 12mn. dun really feel like going home...keep thinking of alot of stuff....
truth to be told, i really want to date her...i dun care hw the other guys see her...she is different among the girls i met....
hehe...sry...being real random here
-------------------------------------------------------------------
last time, a girl confessed to me, i rmb the heart pounding feeling of that time. that feeling lying dormant in my heart for so long is waking again...now i wonder wad will happen if im that girl instead. hehe...>//////< someone once asked me this question."whats love?" i thought about it and replied "i dunno whats love,but i know that my life won't be complete without her"
Saturday, September 5, 2009
the pain in my body
recently just after the army open house, im experiencing pain coming from somwhere jus above my stomach and below my ribcage, its internal injury...i know it...but i dunno hw i caused it...it hurts whenever i slp, yawn or make sudden movements. now...even breathing hurts...well...not that im superstitious or something but as this is the 7th mth....have i or did i offended some of them? that i dunno...and pray that i did not...but these few days im feel tired easily....my body clock is failing me le...jus hope that i may recover soon from this 'injury'.
i realised....
i realise that...my heart always feels empty
i realise that...i uses other stuff like anime and manga to try and fill the gap in my heart
i realise that...its no use...and i still think of u whenever im down
i realise that...im afraid to lose u
i realise that...having too much info can be a bad thing
i realise that...looking at you makes me smile =)
i realise that...i can be upset/abit angry whenever u complain about other guys and hw they treat u
i realise that...with you around i feel at ease
i realise that...my frustrations these days is caused by the fact that i cant tell u wad i felt
i realise that...im beginning to like you more and more each day
i realise that...i may be really in fact falling in love or perhaps had alrdy fallen in love with you
i realise that...wad im doing now is taking a huge risk
i realise that...even if i dun have the power/strength to confront those that bully u but i would like to at least be there wif u to make u feel btr
i realise that...wad i am doing now might be jus my fantasy but i hope to make it into a reality
but i may have oso realise that...wad i had realised,i realised too late for u had alrdy some1 u like, and i dunwan to be some1 whose heart is longer wif me.
its meaningless to have the body, the soul when u dun possess the heart.
i realise that...i uses other stuff like anime and manga to try and fill the gap in my heart
i realise that...its no use...and i still think of u whenever im down
i realise that...im afraid to lose u
i realise that...having too much info can be a bad thing
i realise that...looking at you makes me smile =)
i realise that...i can be upset/abit angry whenever u complain about other guys and hw they treat u
i realise that...with you around i feel at ease
i realise that...my frustrations these days is caused by the fact that i cant tell u wad i felt
i realise that...im beginning to like you more and more each day
i realise that...i may be really in fact falling in love or perhaps had alrdy fallen in love with you
i realise that...wad im doing now is taking a huge risk
i realise that...even if i dun have the power/strength to confront those that bully u but i would like to at least be there wif u to make u feel btr
i realise that...wad i am doing now might be jus my fantasy but i hope to make it into a reality
but i may have oso realise that...wad i had realised,i realised too late for u had alrdy some1 u like, and i dunwan to be some1 whose heart is longer wif me.
its meaningless to have the body, the soul when u dun possess the heart.
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