problems of me going out

what can i say....if there is nthing to talk about....there really is NOTHING to talk about...unless of cos u dun mind i spout random nonsense...which then again i dun like the fact that u jus listen and respond wif "orh, yea, hmm,ok" which makes me feel uncomfortable...to break down awkwardness only to have to rebuilt it with extra layers isn't my plan but then if we do arrive to the end of conversation what to u suggest we do?" if keeping silent is taboo when going out(though i think it is) then rest assured that im racking my brains on what kind of conversation shld i make to break down the awkward silence again...i do hope however that u are thinking the same thing as i am when we are in this kind of situation. i can be random but random topics are always short and the awkwardness will rise again even worst still, if my random topics backfired on me...i try talking about my past experience but then again thought u might not be interested and that i also feel that i shouldn't expose so much about myself to you so that you wont lose any interest in me...it would be so much easier if i can be just be myself...but then again how would you depict that side of me?

though i can be random, but then there will always be this topic i have in mind and its always the wrong topic to talk about. For example...since im in the army and being a medic, i do have stories of Emergency cases and wad happen and so on and so forth but then you(or them) might not be interested at all! for that though, i can understand. i mean not everyone is comfortable to the thought of needle poking and stories of resuscitation and sending casualties to the hospital. which is why i 1st try to tell stories then see the reaction...if the reaction is not good then i shut up and it le..though i very much wanna share it out...but the thought of ppl being forced to hear wad i wanna say jus irks me. thats why i chose to diam diam....but thats the problem cos i only gt that to share....and comes to think of it, though i have cases i can share. but those are also short stories too....so in a matter of minutes my 'topic of conversation' ended again. and so i revert back to my usual listening ear personality...cause i really dun mind hearing ur problems. im like a bottomless abyss for ppl's problems. i dunno why i like to hear ppl's frustrations...not that it makes me happy, but its like its good to hear ur problems and understand more of life bah..

so...how can i survive a date like that?