haha...batok to ngee ann poly AGAIN

hahaha....as my title says...todae i ride my bicycle from batok all the way to ngee ann poly again! hahaha! i take it as a very good exercise for me....as those who know...i dun really and seldom exercise. yea...woke up @ 10 in the morning...the time for me to meet my friend to cycle together....yea yea....im late ><") and cause i dun have anything soft to sit down...i rode on my bic while sitting on the original HARD and solid bicycle seat. and when i tot going uphill is torturous, i encounter a hell lot of humps and every time i ride over those humps, the bicycle seat bump into my ass....yea..really felt high liao...the whole journey to and fro i got analed by the bicycle...my own bicycle><" yea...ride to school without riding on roads cause gt experience le....so me and marcus become smart and ride on the sidewalks lol...he wanted to try the backgate....which means uphill, i sian diao but still try anyway...he ride it up while i push my bic up...when we reach sch, we go visit kl in his fyp room cause our very intention that day is jus to play l4d2 and his com has it...turns out that he is busy wif his fyp so we wait for him....end up marcus bth him and ask me go ride around np....rather fun though...we explore all the slopes and play wif all of them...most fun is the curve downhil from SIM to blk 72 b4 the blk was demolished....nxt slope is from ilumi clubhouse go down turn right into the main road...rather dangerous so be sure to check out traffic(very impt*) other places oso fun but yea...nthing worth mentioning

on the way home saw an accident from wad i see...is the taxi buang into the incoming lorry...sad case...raining somemore...haiz....but when i got back...im tired, dirty and wet...1st thing to do is bath liao....>< yea then talk in msn and skype until now lor...

haiz tired...tml have work!!!! ok..end of post hurhur nites all

no more paper le...hols? oh yea babeh~!

hahhaa...after 2 wks of mugging. i finish my last paper yst...i studied hard for the common test. and have confident that i will score my paper...espacially for applied thermo. i spent 1wk b4 common test week to mug the module....in the end it paid off....although gt afew mistakes here and there ><". then comes ESD...that one....i chui-ed...memorised all the pointers end up using abt 75% of it...lol...ok la not much..at least i aim for 60/100.....at least la...though if i can pass i happy le...hahhaha....

on a side note, i finally become a platinum le in jubeat le!! woo~! but then wif sucky score la...lol...try to fc all songs except for the new and old lvl 10s....i realise that i have lot of fun hanging out wif the jubeat clique....they are jus so much livelier than the groups i know lol...i can play hard talk cock and have fun....lets see the regulars....shermin, heki, kurobe(alias), lucas aka lulu aka lucy, janice, jenson, terence (gepi), doraemon (peng) and afew more hahaha.

jubeat is a game i dunno whether i want to quit anot...append is coming out soon and i love the clique...hur hur

a truly touching story

so touching i cried....it really soften my heart....maybe i go back home and use this vid to cry xD

this is the vid:

a moving story

gloomy ah~!

phrase of the day :silence is golden =)

that phrase...was used by my friend, agreed by me during my sec days...its soo true....jus diam diam....gt problem ownself solve...y nd to ask others for help? espacially if its personal problems...OWNSELF solve...other ppl help will jus make u or rather...me, feel worst...thats right...i have a habit of telling ppl my problems in the hope that by telling them my problems they can understand me more or rather be more close me....HOW WRONG I WAS....so now...dun expect me to say anything...the most i will say is my day sux...thats all...

did i do the right thing?

hmm...this...happened 2 days ago....i dunno if im doing the right thing or not....but i feel like blogging it out...

i went out to buy food and along the way...i encounter an elderly man....thats blind..yes he have a white walking stick...and he is in the middle of the road....nobody....not even 1....came to help him...and theres a group of boys jus standing there watching 'show'...idiots...REAL IDIOTS...gt me so fed up...i auto go help the old man cos,
1st) he is blind
2nd)he is in the middle of the road
3rd) he looks pathetic

so i go help...the 1st thing to do is to get him off the road...whichever direction oso can...then try to settle his problem...so i ask him wad issit...he said he wans some1 to help him buy chicken rice...2 packets...i said ok...wait for me here(at the place where i escort him to) then i go buy...the 2 packets cost 6 bucks but then when he ask like "do i nd to return u money?" i get the feeling " no la its ok la....u so pathetic le...nvm la...6 bucks...take it as a good deed lor" so i said " errrr.....no nd la...becareful on ur way home hor bye bye" ...the buy my things...go home...lol...but i kept thinking if i shld have ask him for the 6 bucks....shld i or shld i not have treat that blind man 2 chicken rice.....? hmm....

dam...im laughing at this.....

some1 recently jus told me:
if u tink no one understands u, then no one will ever understand u

haha....i intepreted this meaning as : i understand you, but u think no1 understands you....if thats the case the no 1 will ever understand u...right.

if wad u say is right....and my interpretation is correct, did you...in fact any of you ask urself y would i even feel this way? reason is simple, i dun feel it...U think u understand me....then tell me wad u know abt me...

of cos...that applies to me too!...but so far...i dun tink i understand any of you.. no...in this life i will NEVER say i fully understands this/that person...

_______________________________________________________
treating u as a friend means no more mr nice guy....distance will widen and we WILL eventually lose contact...i cant chat like always le...i take into consideration over wad u type....and this will be a good news to you...i will be straight forward in wad i said...i MIGHT try to lessen to dmg by using not alot of hostile words...therefore if i said im pissed...im really pissed...

slowly turning the feelings back to nthingness....u did a great job in stopping me in my track b4 i completely fallen for you...u have my thanks.

think abt wad i said.....think abt it.......do U (points at you) think u understands me?

before u read...read the rules

rules:
before reading, pls keep in mind that this is a personal view from wad i tot
therefore i am not bothered by wad u thought
do not comment if u feel upset
alt+f4 if u are offended...

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i feel think that women are crafty and in some cases vile creatures...now why do i say that?
cos they will make use of u...drain wad u have...then when u outlived ur usefulness , they will dump u aside and find excuses to throw u away...often using feeble attempts to make u feel btr by saying nice words to you...i often feel that im always been make used of, do this for u...do that for u...i feel that i gain nothing when im doing something for ppl...i often ask myself why im so stupid to accept and trouble myself...but its cos im stupid that i dunno hw to refuse ppl, cos i always feel that i dunwan to be useless...nw i feel that im being taken for granted...used and dump the kind...

if u disagree with wad i said...prove to me that im wrong...let me feel that im not being used for nthing...not getting used and dumped when i have outlived my usefulness.

time to move on

haha...im a fool...to harbour thought that i can be with you...just a fool...haha!!
dam...its over faster than i thought it would be xD
now i know.......

































































































if u think that i have written it using white colour again...pls wipe that tot off ur mind =)

moving on...did i felt free? or did i feel upset? alittle of both? im alrdy abit numbed le...best not to think abt it haha...
im laughing again! issit sadness? no....im laughing at myself xD omg its sooo laughable! hahahahaha! im not planning to go back....i will jus go iluma bah...play game, drink until drunk...oh wait....I CANT! cos i gt sch the nxt day and work! haha! work! talking abt that...im beginning to feel piss off with the way jeanne and teresa do things...right now...im ok to bear it...i nd the income....but once i find a btr job...im off. haha....there is no nd to face ur fcking faces once i quit...u work long hrs can do E can step on me alot le right? jus cos i forgt hw to make and u knw u can scold me? sure...do wad u wan...im beginning to phase out of irritation to frustration le...fck up bitch...





































hahahahahahaha!!! im laughing...at myself, at the world, at work.....im crazy and i like it...wads so bad abt laughing? but pls bear that in mind...laughing does not mean happiness

my cbox is left untouched...haha...realise jus hw much i meant to others...nthing...if lets say u read this post and felt im pitiful then i dun nd ur sympathy....im alone...always is...change me only if u really care...if u dun have the ability to do that...dun waste ur energy...pulling me out only to drop me deeper in the abyss isnt wad a 'good' friend would do...those of my 'friends', if u read this....search ur hearts...and tell me...where are all of you when i really need u? if u think u cared sry i dun sense it...cos im currently very lonely......

tml...

mondae...technically todae and still is tml for me haha...when i go slp and wake from my slp...a new sem will start again and i will be busy again...this time i want to study more, go out more and work less :P....nxt sem...i will

-try not to be late as usual
-try to be more optimistic
-go out more often
-learn new things
-regain my poly life again....
-die from poly life haha

i realise i laugh alot...often my "haha" mean alot of things...can be cos its funny, sometimes im being sarcastic , being cold, sometimes i jus said haha just to make noise...no 1 understands my laughter...i laugh when im sad, i laugh when im happy, i laugh when im pissed off at my life, i laugh...at anything and everything....cos laughter is wad exchanges my true feelings and emotion...everytime i have an overwhelming feeling of hugging...not jus any1...jus a specific girl that i like for a long time...she dunno that i like her...thats the saddest part...cos...i dunno...i jus wanna be close wif her...i know im being selfish.but i wanted to held her close to me and nver let go...thats the emotion and feeling i get when i reflecting...i truly have a laughing face...i can smile at anything...even when i know ur scolding me...i will take it directly and yet smile...cos once u manage to wipe my smile off my face, rage will set in haha...nobody really understood my laughter de....and my smile...truly, they are my shield, my cover,my facade. cos i dunwan ppl to know my true emotions...haha...does that mean im deceiving every1 all this time? not really, sometimes i will sometimes i dun...the only person that can manage to break my facade will be the person that really care for me...and for this i will allow her to see my pitiful side...

issit ok for me to like her?

thats the question i ask myself even now...issit ok for me to like some1...do i even gt the potential...i know im boring...i cant help it...i even started to feel bad texting "hi, how are u?" or "hey...hows ur day todae?" to her liao...cos. i have no creativity to make it more interesting...i have always been like that ahaha....there are moments where i will stop to think "shld i text her this msg again" and i always will think " i dunwan her to hate me...see my sms nia will say"haiz..him again...hen fan leh" BUT in the end i still sms her...i find tht during work i cant conc. well cos my mind is thinking abt other things...worried abt her...i dunno la...jus not myself anymore lor..then when she talk to me i will like recharged one...there will come a day when its too late for me...or it has alrdy been too late...i dunno....im scared...but i dunno....

tml sch start le...nd to slp...nites=) tml mayb i will start to blog abt todae's work bah...

working@holland branch

todae or shld i say yst...was my 1st day working at the holland branch shop....and all i did that day was to churn the ice cream cos kim i think cannot cope wif the huge amount of ice cream she have to make...well, the shop onli have 1 machine...wad to do? lol...mel brought in pizza but nobody really had the appetite to eat...i jus wanna churn my ice cream...no rest no nthing...i manage to do nthing but churn the whole day...and i seldom go outside to help...and i abit not used to the new surrounding...where i have to make my own float, milkshake, lemon tea...and wad not...done a VERY embarrassing thing when i shouted to the kitchen that i wan mocha float(thats the system in sunset way) when im suppose to be doing it outside omg...so pai seh la...the surrounding is serene yes...but it really gt alot of solo work...and i meant alot!i onli have 1 body, 1 pair of arms and a head...i cant be churning and tubbing at the same time...haha...oso we have a new machine call the blast freezer...this machine could blast freeze it so that it is available for sale in a very short time...so the system goes like this: make ice cream>put in tray until full>put tray into blaze freezer>wait for 20mins>take out and seal the tray>put into freezer. looks complicated..but its a somewhat simultaneous process...u just know haha...and i gotta admit...i was so dazed that when i churn...im thinking of sms-ing angie and chat wif her...y cant i talk to my other colleagues? 1) not really close 2) dun like some of their attitude 3) i like to mind my own business...haha. in the end we could not finish the all ice cream in time when we are closed....but as my last bus is gonna leave...kim give me permission to go back(wad a relieve). tml sunday i heard jeanne saying its 1.30pm~11pm...shiok...mondae i die liao....tml i am so gonna go cold storage and buy myself a nice chicken thigh for myself and eat it as my lunch...><

im not gonna try and hide it any longer...though its jus afew days since we last met...i have began to miss ur presence le...i look forward to the day you are free again so that i can take u out for a date =)

society these days

rules of this post:
this is my point of view of todae's society, i believe freedom of speech is allowed in the net.
u can choose to continue to read or u can just press alt+F4
whether u agree or not is not my problem
if u agree and feel like commenting, u can drop a comment
if u disagree then pls keep the comment to urself


*********************************************


recently, i read a newspaper report abt a father scalding his 9 year daughter for stealing and caning her....her counselor found out abt the injuries and report the matter to the police, the dad nw face jail term a fine and possible caning sentence. after reading this...i thought to myself...wad has the singapore society becoming to? put aside the fact that the father IS violent....lets take a look at another POV.

i personally feel that the government or shld i say , the society of today is trying to control wad parents are suppose to do. in the beginning, its hit less talk more....the idea is that children shld have good childhood memories...without any memories of his/her dad/mom hitting him/her....thats a nice ideal isn't it...and they prove it by giving evidence that a child that has a rough past tends to be more violent...etc...etc...blah blah blah....all this...is society's pov! in an actual situation, sometimes u CANNOT DUN whack ur child...cos when a child is growing up, he/she need to understand discipline. every1 including animals sometimes need to learn it the hard way...if u dun...u dun learn from ur mistakes...thats wad its about. take a look at western countries...they talk all abt freedom and wad not....parents shld not hit their child....any children that gt hit can call help from children aid(an organisation)...then end up the child giving total disrespect to their parents...often screaming vulgarities and hitting them cos the children has a sense of security that nthing really bad would happen to them if they do it...the most is gt grounded and such....if they were in asia...they would not live to see tml's daylight...such disrespect! lets not jus compare the general asia and western community, lets zoom in further. to singapore perhaps.

as singapore is a multi-racial country, we are more or less being influence by western AND Asian cultures....and the difference is that western culture introduce freedom while asian cultures demand discipline. the difference in which how a parent teach their kids is oso very different. dun believe me? u can ask ur parents or even ur grandparents if they were ever caned, smacked and sometimes thrown out of the house...they will tell u " i have lose count on the numbers...but it sure bring back memories..good and bad" and it did them good you know. im not saying that hitting ur children is the best way to discipline them. but at least they can know wad is right wad is wrong, sometimes words from mouth cant be learned until u experience it urself....humans like everything else, sometimes need to learn things the hard way. in order to fear the consequences, in order to know its wrong. last time parents have full rein of their authority. now? parents are being chained down and are 'asked' not to hit their child often(i gt the impression that its figures is not more than the fingers i have in my hands). i always feel like asking the society, "who are you to tell wad the parent are doing?" u might say " wad they are doing is not right...wad they are doing does not solve anything...blah blah blah" ok...u may be right in saying it does not solve things....but u have no right to say wad they are doing is not right...YOU are just an outsider, and outsider shld not be overly concern of wad happen!

lets go back to the case....yes, i agree to some extent that the father using hot water to scald his daughter is abit overboard. but hey..i dun see hw caning her is...stealing is a bad habit that will ruin her future, he is jus infuriated that it is not the 1st time she does that le...and in such a young age somemore...if he dun put a stop to that now when she is older, she is goin to jail rather than home. and because of that he is gtting a jail, fine and possible caning sentence...1st 2 i might agree but FUCK the caning...this isn't right...this is telling parents " if u do this to ur kids we will do the same to you..espacially the fathers...u jolly well be dam clear abt this"

children these days are too soft, scared of hard work and dependent on others....always gt maid to help them carry stuff, gt parent's car to go around....kids these days...are nthing compare to my childhood days...sure they arent as good as the kids nowadays but nonetheless i have a good time...haiz...if u go to china and help out and u see the kids there....they can put singapore children to shame at any 1 time...so buck up la...haiz

haha...sry i wrote an argumentative essay out instead -.- but thats my POV u can choose to agree and disagree.

i jus wanna hold u close...

to console u, to let u feel better...i will hold u close to me...
be there when ur sad
talk to u when ur troubled...
try to cheer u up
jus wanna be with you

cos im just a simple man, i wan to be close with you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ysterday was rather epic haha...why do i say that? cos my friends witness i gt hug by a girl haha! so funny....that day me and meng went to tampines cos he wans to buy something...initially i dunwan de...then i agree after he say he treat me to lunch(later change to dinner) haha...after that we went to tampinesONE to take a walk around...and both of us went to this shop :uni qlo, its a japanese shop. and its good haha...i somehow or another succumb to the tot of buying one shirt haha...that will be my start of sem shirt liao haha....then we walk around....and and....THEY GT TECHNIKA hahahaha!! operated by timezone of cos...after that went to the old shopping mall then take a bus to city....a very VERY long journey...to dbg...then went down to dolby xchange cos i wanna play jubeat haha...and mark(who is coming later) oso say wanna play...haha..but then when we reach zonex, found out that they gt hold private event. so cant play at zonex liao...so i suggest we play at starfactory in plaza sing. the place was suprisingly empty haha....after we meet mark...we went up to play....he, of cos, failed the 1st song...haha...then i tell him abt linking and hw to play....after tht we link play together , he manage to fail all 3 and i save him 3 times haha...yea...then my 2nd time playing...oli spotted me and wave~ i wave back...haha...then she wanted to hug me...haha long time nver see le...oh wells...cant refuse that offer. =D then i hug her back haha...using 1 hand...i saw meng and mark giving the " wtf happed just nw?""hc gt hugged! wad has the world come to???" ahhhahaha all the funny funny actions come out haha...cos in all the years they had known me....i nver gt hug by a guy...let alone by a girl haha....so they rather surprise that i actually gt hugged...not by a guy but by a girl wor~~ then mark like jealous xD cos he tot its a big deal then meng say"...hug nia mah...like i dun have kena hug b4 liddat" during dinner mark give the omg-u-too! look xD....but all these while...im abit not into the convers...cos im worried abt a girl...sms her to ask her if she is well...and if her teeth still hurts and chat wif her de...haha...i tot that tampines mall is a great place to shop...so one day i wanna take her to tampines mall to let her heart itch...hohoho....think b4 that i shld confiscate her purse haha :P

there is a difference

there really is! lol...im talking abt the difference between an otaku and a guy who has nthing btr to do at home and dun feel like going out oso...

an otaku will :
-read lots of fan fiction
-fantasize about animes coming alive
-attracted to anime type maid cafe
-buy anime products(i mean LOTs of products)
-when u go to his room it will be filled with mangas, anime and anime toys,plushies and other anime related merchandise
-they will have the otaku aura and look(im in the jap cultural club...i know)
-cosplay or like to take pictures of cute cosplayers.
-have a girl he likes but she's a virtual character

WHILE

a guy that gt nthing btr to do at home and dun feel like going out will :
-read ANYTHING thats interesting
-watch ANYTHING that perks his interest
-play ANY games
-listen to music
-plan wad to do the nxt day, if nt nxt event
-blogging(like wad im doing now)
-waiting for ppl to jio him out
-feel that stoning at home sometimes is a bliss
-want to sms his gf or the girl he likes....just to chat
-at certain times feel like its best to shut up and mind his own business
-emo(lol! laugh , but it happens)
-think alot
-play facebook
-read blog
-go forum
-slp alot

so after reading this post, angie which category do u think i belong to? im so gonna prove to you that im not an otaku haha ;P

looking at my cupboard

haha...i find that i onli have 1 or 2 formal shirt. 1 black pants. no tie no blazer. quite afew t-shirts,afew jeans. some shorts. thats it haha...and thats it haha...i wear my shirts in repetition haha...

looking at myslf

yesterday, i had nthing btr to do at home but to stone and jus surf the internet...then decided to slp....at around 4+am....cos i cant seem to get the 'feel' to slp yet...oh wells...yesterday was abit uneventful except that i gt my this wk's schedule and im spending the wkends working at a branch my workplace jus opened. cant say im not really looking forward to my transfer there cos of some other factors...i'll see how bah..hmm...woke up todae 9am+ haha..= 5hrs of slp...hope i dun slp while watch a movie wif angie...so wad shld i do now? hmm...lets recap =)

3 days ago,

after failing my TP for the 2nd time....i felt abit sian 1/2 but the impact not that great as the 1st le...stupid tester...argh...nxt time im gonna take the afternoon session like my friend wahhahaha...anyway...i feel dreaded cos i dunwan to go home and hear my parents asking y i fail, y din i do this y din i do that...abit frustrating cos of the fact that i know wads expected of them from me and i cant live up to that expectation...that feeling of disappointment fell like an anvil on my back...thus, i sms angie abt my results haha...she ask me if later still wan meet anot...i was thinking "hmm y not?" haha...so yea...decide on the timing and place again...then i went home, when i reach home, i was surprised when my dad did not scold me or anything just said " nvm....theres always nxt time" hearing that is a relieve haha...then i stone until abt 5pm b4 going out again to meet up wif angie, we went to JP to, for me is " to jus be wif her talking and such" while for her is, " shopping" lol...hey now, im not complaining here. its really fun to go shopping wif her...espacially if she is buying clothes...im not a fashion freak you know, i dun chase after fashion, i jus wear wads comfortable and the shirt that i like...we went initially went to JP to look see...she's hungry so the 1st stop we make is at kfc. she ask if i wanna eat anything...i said " i go order lor...wad u wan to eat?" but i think she din get my point and heard it as " i dunwan to eat..u go order lor" lol...i turn my head the nxt second, she gone liao, made a beeline towards the Q...hahaha...came back with spicy drumlets or something....but i know its drumlets haha...i watch her as she ate...talk to her abt some funny stuff and wad happen during my TP...after that, we jus walk around...and she walk really fast...which surprised me cos i deliberately slow down in the hope to keep pace, now i have to speed up to catch up haha....ironic isnt it...we like comb the entire JP, then she ask me if she look nice in a kimono top then i....total idiot abt woman's clothing and their names...had the impression of the kimono...and visualise it out...big mistake...but the image is nice...haha...she spotted one kimono top but then suggest that going to cwp would be a btr choice since there gt metro haha...so we take a train back to woodlands and i fish out my psp to tell her more abt prj diva, and play the game...big mistake, cos i left her out. im not taking my psp with me the nxt time i have a date wif her(todae). she heard me and ask me y. i said "cos i left u out le"....she said " no la...im jus tired thats all" with that said i switch off my psp and decided to spent the time on the mrt together...no not as u guys might think....i jus like being with her tht =)

reached cwp, i told her i wan to get some dinner so end up at mac she ask me wad i want to eat. haha out of being random and a joke i always tell my girl-friends and cousins " i wanna eat wad?(think) i wanna eat u haha" u know what she said ?" she said "u know when u said "i want to eat you"it means to say " i wanna fuck you?" she said it wif a rather im-offended kind of eyes....i really dun have the intention and i dunno it has such 'profound' meaning to it...but i dunno y she apologise to me later haha...ate a quick dinner...felt dam stupid cos she watch me eat(she having dinner at home) then we go metro....like immediately. haha...went in there and she go take a picking on dress....i find that when she wears a dress...she is more feminine than she is alrdy is....went in wif 3 dress and onli test 2 but i find them truly stunning...not the dress, its her...im more captivated by her more than anything...truly is beautiful. sad thing is that she is not so used to wearing a dress....cos she said the cloth used is abit thin then can see her undies...well...actually i did see but kept quiet abt it...cos i tot it part of the design. yea...tried both dress and she went out...haha...then we went to technika...i play for a round then i send her back home during that time i ask her abt clothes and see said she is piss off when she see her friend wear something so sui bian while she wear so nice...haha...i ask her if its me would it change lol...she flare up and said " u also ah! make me so angry lor...that time go bugis u wear wad!" haha...totally tio owned...then i retorted" no wad...bugis u gt see teens wear so nice de meh" then she think awhile and said "well, mayb i dun get hw guys think on wad to wear" haha...i jus smiled...well...1st off, some guys are simple, they wear wad they think is good and will look good. like for me...a jean+ some nice shirt...not really the kind that would stand out in public but more of the blend-in-with-the-crowd type. i dunno wads her expectation of being good looking. or to wear nice. but heck. if she wears a dress later and see's my chuan zhuo like that again. she will probably...no..definitely throw her book at me. haha...regardless of that,my feelings wont change de haha...love u lots <3

2 days ago, i gt the msg from my boss that nxt wk friday she plan to open the new branch at holland V le...and im more or less officially being transferred there haha...bit happy and abit sad cos i find that the reason is cos she want me out of the main shop haha...and to jaga a branch shop haha....anyway...i'll see hw lor

ysterday : went to the new shop to take a look. look nice....haha..but will take time to get used to...espacially if its sat and sun (srsly).

some things jus nver change.....

im thinking over abit...jus watch a show...the ugly truth...its a very nice show, its hilarious, its crude and i like it very much....initially wanted to watch it wif angie...but somehow knock it out of my mind when she said something abt being busy...oh wells...which brings about this post for todae...a summary of todae's event.

TODAE......is suppose to be fun...i made mondae a free day becos xm said she wants me to teach her badmintan...everything comfirm le....the day, the time, the place...even booked the court. then as the agreed time looms near...she sms me say cos of something in sch cant make it....well..well...1st feeling, im being pang seh yet again, 2nd feeling, anger, y so last min? why cant u jus sms me or call me afew hrs b4 the time? at least i can gt some friends to come...and i HATE LAST MINUTE SITUATION...soo...sooo very much.therefore, instead of going for my supposed Badminton session, i went to lot1 instead to play jubeat...i know that i nd to dissipate my feelings fast...and i release it by playing...not too shabby...manage to grade up and gt area51 ahaha...manage to forgt the unhappiness. then i went home for a quick dinner b4 going for an online meeting....after that...

angie gimme me a link on the movie" the ugly truth" as i watch...i think abt it too....am i that kind of person? giving other ppl happiness but in turn when asked abt urself...u cant even say a simple "i like you" to a girl...in any, any girl u fancy...which lead me to develope a pathetic feeling of rejection again...y am i like this?issit becos i have this foresight that wad i did will be rejected?

as i sat in my chair thinking abt those things...felt abit numbed and went towards my kitchen window...there i think abt job...how their attitude towards me really sucked...always putting up a fake front.then i went back to my room....sat down to think again...

sadded to think that life is filled with so many restrictions & expectations.
sadded to think that i am always like that....
sadded to that im delusional(other ppl dun see it for themselves but i do)

my heart...is always filled with fear, lonliness and darkness, an occasional spark from the fire of life appear from time to time.
fear that i would lose someone again
feel that i shld be lonely cos i dun deserve anyone
the path i walk is pitch dark, my light extinguished long ago....

y issit life have to be like a gamble...u may lose everything in a single moment...
y am i like this....
y....
............

my visualization of my ideal future...

this is something i visualize as wad i had wanted...at job, a home, a car. a loving wife and 2 children.being able to come home after work and to be greeted by their enthu faces...like how i had always greeted my father whenever he jus got back from work...i wanted to experience it for my own this time...haha...my wife would be either working or at home...haha it would be best if she stay at home and be housewife. but i am not the kind of person that will restrict my wife's action. it would be nice to be in a job i like...a stable job. =)

thinking, planning, soul searching....moolah problem is endless

finally oct has arrive...and so is my pay...its not much...but i will have to make do...spent less(i hope) save more...haiz...sometimes i wonder y my part-time job the pay like shit...reason 1 is mayb cos i did not work alot of days...so yea...and i admit i am not seriously into the job cos of various reasons in which i dunwan to publicise...sometimes...when im laying back to think....i recall my factory working days...u know...its a long period...but then pay is good...cos it adds overtime pay...haha...and end up my pay always $500 and above de...therefore sometimes when i think back, its worthwhile, though factory work is hard and tiring to the extreme. but when u gt ur pay...u may think otherwise...currently this job has manage to sustain me for a year liao...and im still blur as ever...i hope to increase my pay to 6/hr b4 i grad. cos i nd the pay rise b4 my 21st birthday...reason being is that my 2 bank a/c nd to be 500 and above...and currently the amount in both banks is deplorable...i nd to raise 1K in each a/c to be save....and to do that i nd 2K worth of money...500 itself is not a big matter...the problem is hw to sustain the $500. i,nearing another age towards total adulthood...is jus 1 yr away and i srsly nd to plan my finance properly...my driving lessons itself cost me 3K le...minus the financial help my dad gave, i alone fork out 2K+ jus to learn...that 2K can be in my bank growing more interest le...i wonder if i have make the right choice...i hope nxt wk everything will be go according to my way...with that being said....i had alot of thoughts on wad to spent wad nd to spent wads worth to spent on...my woes is that everything is expensive to me now....i nd to save up...srsly...but then living in sg is a hard to save espacially if u nd to spent every time u go out(u nd to take bus/mrt unless ur walking) i have learn not to miss home but miss my family. for i am a simple man, as long as there is a roof above my head and somebody to care for, im contented...all that i nd to do is to support....


i used to think that im young...i still can do alot of things youngster these days often do...but i find that reality is catching up on me haha...fast. nw i experience pain in my knee whenever i bent it for too long...haha...i nd to shave more regularly now...having late nites such as now....thinking of past present and future...a friend of mine once said that i talk like an old man...haha...perhaps that true, cos for me for thinks alot(but acts very little) i have alot of advices that old ppl will say haha...well...coming back to topic...planning wad to do for the future...planning hw to gt that ideal future...bearing the weight of responsibility and wishes of family and relatives...going to army, get a stable job, get married, create a new family, buy a house. own a car....all that come back to the basic foundation = money. when to start saving? perhaps, ever since u know hw to count money from 10cents coins to the $50 note....i manage to save it all up and sadly spent it all in 2mths...becos of this, im always trying to reclaim back whats lost.but then situation requires me to use those money and quickly, those money is yet again gone and i have to replenish it again. there is truly no 'easy money' no money is easy to earn. for that i worry abt my future cos of my current gpa...i dun regret going to my course...i regret not having the potential and determination to gt through it...in my whole life, i have experience the feeling of being the top, and being the bottom. the feeling of having respect and having none at all. i experience the pain of losing a close relative.i experience the sadness,anger, happiness together wif my friends around me....i have experience whats its like to be in love and to be dumped. i experienced a feeling worst than death, i too have a wound that hurts so much i cant say it out in words...i always think that im alone but i am wrong to say im alone....i am always surrounded by ppl...yes i am not alone physically. but deep down inside...kept a door thats locked...the door is chained shut. lying among the darkness is another lock that some1 manage to break b4 going in and leaving again...

chaotic post...sry if my post keep getting u bored and tiring...and making u spoil ur eyes...but this is my life. =)

though i hope that the day will come soon when u know abt my feelings....b4 i faded again...

thats all...nites

the 45min journey

yst...or judging by the time nw, shld be 2 days b4. me and marcus decided to ride our bicycle to sch...just to test it out haha...we met at the bottom of gombak stadium, then proceed to ride all the starting from little guilin to ngee ann poly haha...we set off at 4.30pm...ride through the bicycle path, race down and climb slopes. through out the journey we kept talking abt our new timetables and wad teachers to look out for and i congratulate him for FINALLY passing his tp(his 4th time) i hope i pass mine too....anyway...as we cycle, we explore the road leading to ngee ann via the bus 985 route, and i found out that if u wan to go by main gate, we can actually go thru the junction jus b4 the vehicles enter the highway(its PIE if i rmb correctly). and so as we kept riding...the seat is getting the better of me...causing my butt to hurt...and i jokingly said to marcus"lol...tio anal by my bike ><) lol...both of us laugh...had fun joke about the traffic rule and the TP(traffic police) test point system lol...and finally, we reach ngee ann...which is around 5.15pm so it can be said to be our 45min journey. call kl up and see if we can meet him...he said he in blk 44 then we reach blk 44 he said he at AT hub...and AFTER we went AT hub...he said he at canteen 1...><" dunwan say anymore le....fcking hell, say wad " 2 legs wins 2 wheels" tell me abt it when u ride 45mins on a hard seat from gombak la! oh yea...u said u can chiong to np in 30mins....then i rest my case...u can do it i cant...-.-". lol...then we go makan place slack...i eat my supposedly 'lunch', kaki fuyong, its been a really long time since i eat that hot plate of egg and chicken...i miss them *sniff* lol...then wif a ending at sch....i suggest going up ourspace the slope and race down...haha...there was no car, nobody and its abt 6.30pm in the evening, felt the evening breeze blowing against my face as i race down the slope...its pure fun and exciting, if i can, i would want to do it again, but the tot of pushing my bike up is really a chore so we(they dissuade me in doing so) give up the idea and wait for nxt time haha.....then after, me and marcus took the scenic route again back home....onli that marcus insist that i accompany him to gombak haha...ok la..earlier on he treat me drink i return the favour lor...haha...this is the longest time i spent wif my bike without using it to buy food but use it for pure entertainment haha...its been a very fun day wif the addition of the morning's driving lesson, which was not so stress. i really hope i can pass my tp...though i have no hope of getting a car, but i at least will have the ability to drive on the road =)

the reason y im blogging this is cos i cant slp haha..jus bath finish, eyes feel refreshed again...even though i came back from work...but but....i finally gt my pay!!! =D its considered miserable but i will have to make do...this sem my fyp is gonna keep me really busy...i hope i can ask her out some day, but as she herself is oso busy wif her own schedule,i dunwan to tire her more by asking her out again...hearing or knowing that she is well is ok le =)

afew moments ago i gt afew inspirational phrases but then i have forgotten it again...so i may post if i can rmb it again...IF i rmb...till then, the nxt post will either be the inspirational phrases or a new post le haha =)

nites all

something i want to say but i cant say

nthing really...jus wanna post that i love u lots...haha...

its been a long time since i posted haha...

lol...as the name implies...its been a very long time since i post something...lets go back to result day, haha...the day b4 that fateful day, i cant seem to slp...in fact...i cant slp well in the 2 days prior to result day...and to make things worst...i gt driving lesson at 8am...x.x so yea...manage to force myself to slp at 4am...then wake up at 7am to check my result...i din gt marvelous results but i still pass everything! ahahaha...i jump around in joy and relieve...after that i rush for my driving lesson...lol...drive halfway stomach ache...wah...crap haha...but then when i read my mail and found out i pass everything i was so happy! the 1st person i sms was angie lol...tot she slping...but i sms anyway ;p thanks for everything =D i like u even more now haha...xD
after afew days...on the 20th...i go attend my cousin's ROM or otherwise known as register of marriage (i think) lol...my shoe 'open mouth' on that day sia...sibei sian....then not onli open mouth...the whole front sole came out...win liao....heng ceremony over liao then its life ended or else i sure sian1/2 lol...met up wif my cousins....father side de...onli close cousins i have is my little cousin, angelina, older cousins henry and alex(henry is married wif 2 daughters while alex is engaged) and that day was alex's ROM lol...soon im going to have another nephew/niece le haha but that will be in another 3-4 yrs later(they are officially gtting married in 2 yrs time) by then yea haha....i will be out of army le....or still in..i dunno haha...my cousin is predicting that mine will be nxt haha xD i shrug and said " well...who knows...mayb urs will come earlier than me" as always...i said it wif a smile.

that day was short...but tiring...when the ceremony ends nearly all our energy gone le...

insomia nites

yst i tried slping at 2am+...cant slp...onli manage to gt myself to slp at arnd 5+....cos my mind is not tired yet...zzzzz....too many things happen in my mind and i cant slp well...><

stuffed up...

this week is emo week for me...the result release day is gtting onto me,im not afraid of my results...im afraid my nxt course of action depending on my result...then comes the sense of uselessness, disappointment and the heavy pressure...just yesterday...i had a dream, i dreamt thati failed my exams and was kicked out of sch...my family cannot believe it, im saddened, i wanna cry but somehow my tears just dun come out...then suddenly i was in another place, i was confessing to her, but she said no, then say"looks like we can no longer be friends" i stone there and said to myself"gg" then i gt transported back again...to my result....this time, its me, during the driving lesson, i was so nervous abt the result i totally lost control over my hands...till now i experience it...my hands shake....i dunno hw to control them...i dunno...i dunno...i dunno.....THEN i woke up...my heart is beating very fast...as though my soul was abruptly pulled back and smack heart 1st back into my body...i woke up panting, im worried sick...i wanna go out...but then aways change plans....my heart is aching...really...some1 pls find a salvation...relieve me from this ache...thats coming from my stuffed up feelings.....my heart feels empty, my heart tells me that i really need a companion...my instinct told me to get a gf FAST....but my mind puts a stop to all this saying "this is not the time yet..." i dun normally have this kind of feeling...till im 18 yrs old...im a carefree guy who lives on his own ways, feels happy wif his friends around and worried abt exam results....no more...nw im a sadden idiot...this wk pls get it over pls! get it done and get it over wif....ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna cry...i really do...but somehow my heart dun allow me to cry unless im wif her....im not so sure y am i like this? normally my floodgates will open very easily...mayb cos i dunwan cry infront of my family members...i dunwan them to worry. i rather cry infront of friends than cry infront of family....i rather lost face infront of friends rather than lose face infront of my family, y? cos friends can be replaced....new friends will come along as we grow up...im in the stage where i dun care if my impression to the others is bad anot liao...i dun care le...cos i really feel i cant do anything...cant even do simple things like confessing...therefore everything i want to do and manage to do it is all in my mind, its so real, that my heart would stop aching...cos i really feel blissed...omgomg...i nd u , i want u! i love u! but i dunno if im able to be able to sustain wif u.....cos in terms of status quo. i am beneath u...this i feel im not good enuf for u...u said i still can go uni? forgt it...wif gpa 1+....i can dream on...

i wonder...truly...i wondered....

i wonder y u are always in misery...
i wonder y ur so dense...
i wonder that am i stupid is actually wait and see
i wonder shld i give up
i wonder...

i feel dead, empty and really disappointed at ur taste....
im tired of this waiting game...mayb it is consider a game for u....
i gt ur hint.

its real fun isn't it, to see ppl getting false hopes up.knowing they cant achieve it but still egging them to do it...encouraging them to do the things they want but u urself know that it will not succeed.1st u place a ray of hope , then u take the hope away, and wait until the moment when i really emo and sad, do u put jus alittle ray of hope...y are u doing this to me? cant u let my heart lay dead? y must u make it beat onli to make it die again? y?

of cos, wad im thinking now is all delusional...u are of cos free to do wad u like...when i think back on wad im doing now...im like repeating past mistakes...and i really look stupid. so y cant i say wad i felt? ans: insecurities. like u, i do research. and i found that u....are not urself anymore....cos ur heart is gone...it has...how to i phrase it......."flutter away"........and u know that im the type that dun go for girls who have some1 they like cos they will reject u and even if they accept u, u think their heart is wif u? HELL FUCKING NO , thats y i like personality over facial looks.

























































after reading this post, u may, at certain point, write something in my Cbox or leave a comment. i doubt it will look nice, but its ok...i will take wadeva u throw at me...

cant u understand that there is some1 who is waiting for u instead of chasing after some1 who is not even interested in u?

vivace X : the essay i wrote during the concert

this post/essay is something i wrote in my hp while i was attending vivace X harmonica concert@RP TRCC....the following is the exact essay thats in my hp.
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1st experience going to a concert,well...alone that is,feeling of lonliness is definitely there but i would like to experience it myself wad a concert ambiance is like,from where im Q-ing, excited crowd lining up wif their friends,some, 2 chat while waiting,some old friends catching up on old times,couples came hoping 2 enjoy the romantic evening,families coming to relax after a wk of hardwork, of cos,there are ppl like me who came alone,some for the sake of friends.For me? i came becos i nver attended a public concert b4. that is of cos, not my main reason for coming, she is the main reason for me to come.

As the band members starts to sat down at their respective places, i search anxiously for a familiar face, n for the 1st time in my life, i curse my eyes for being so blurry.As i can scan the stage, afew more ppl came in, n there, i spotted her, the girl that manage to make my heart pound like crazy.wearing black shirt and long pants and a yellow tie, she walk into the stage in the back row on the left. I doubt she gt see me as she is talking to her fellow club members.

As the concert starts, i begin to relax myself and listen to the enchanting musics, the good ones so far was fen fei and can can.these songs are really musics to my ears,then come the intermission,as the audience proceed to leave the theater for a short break, i too, left to see angie, but she was very much happy herself, i felt abit left out but not really being emo, tried to catch her attention by strolling past infront of her hoping she would call my name but of no avail, saddened, i stepped outside 2 welcome the warm air, take a breather and watch her as she run from one place to another, finally entering the theater again. Instinctively i followed, spotted her taking pic wif another friend, she look abit sad abt something while talking to her friend, form her lips i can tell she is pek chek about something,then as i am here typing away my essay about the concert todae, she called me =D. i was filled wif happiness,when she found me,she ran towards me(i later found that its becos of time constraints) and wanna take a pic, the pic taken was not nice becos of the angle, but becos of it...she was close to me...and i like the closeness. As the 2nd half of the concert begins, i listen to another harmonica band called FRESCO, i like their moon river, and some of the songs they played. the last 2 songs are epic, my favorite is the song "raider's march" by john williams.

after the concert, i gave angie a thumbs up and she smiled brightly. i can tell that she is happy.i too is happy when she is happy as well...i stay back later to congrat her....in the end onli manage to say afew stuff out...ended up taking pic for her...i really wanted to walk her home...but she said that she is going home wif her friends...so yea...i gt the msg...and proceed to go back...not home but lot1, cos after hearing cancan during the concert i felt i can up my score in jubeat...and i did...played until 12mn. dun really feel like going home...keep thinking of alot of stuff....

truth to be told, i really want to date her...i dun care hw the other guys see her...she is different among the girls i met....
hehe...sry...being real random here
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last time, a girl confessed to me, i rmb the heart pounding feeling of that time. that feeling lying dormant in my heart for so long is waking again...now i wonder wad will happen if im that girl instead. hehe...>//////< someone once asked me this question."whats love?" i thought about it and replied "i dunno whats love,but i know that my life won't be complete without her"

the pain in my body

recently just after the army open house, im experiencing pain coming from somwhere jus above my stomach and below my ribcage, its internal injury...i know it...but i dunno hw i caused it...it hurts whenever i slp, yawn or make sudden movements. now...even breathing hurts...well...not that im superstitious or something but as this is the 7th mth....have i or did i offended some of them? that i dunno...and pray that i did not...but these few days im feel tired easily....my body clock is failing me le...jus hope that i may recover soon from this 'injury'.

i realised....

i realise that...my heart always feels empty
i realise that...i uses other stuff like anime and manga to try and fill the gap in my heart
i realise that...its no use...and i still think of u whenever im down
i realise that...im afraid to lose u
i realise that...having too much info can be a bad thing
i realise that...looking at you makes me smile =)
i realise that...i can be upset/abit angry whenever u complain about other guys and hw they treat u
i realise that...with you around i feel at ease
i realise that...my frustrations these days is caused by the fact that i cant tell u wad i felt
i realise that...im beginning to like you more and more each day
i realise that...i may be really in fact falling in love or perhaps had alrdy fallen in love with you
i realise that...wad im doing now is taking a huge risk
i realise that...even if i dun have the power/strength to confront those that bully u but i would like to at least be there wif u to make u feel btr
i realise that...wad i am doing now might be jus my fantasy but i hope to make it into a reality
but i may have oso realise that...wad i had realised,i realised too late for u had alrdy some1 u like, and i dunwan to be some1 whose heart is longer wif me.

its meaningless to have the body, the soul when u dun possess the heart.

tired

i am tired....just tired.....

i am not satisfied with wad we are right now........my penned up feelings is gonna explode anytime...

there shld be no more regrets...

....is wad i would really want to say....its not that i dun have any regrets...i have TOO MUCH....

i feel that i am slowly but surely beginning to fall in love with you...cos realised i like u more than i had expected...

i feel so screwed

random tots again...

to avoid awkwardness, i choose not to tell u my feelings
in order not to lose everything u and i had shared, i choose to seal my heart
in order to maintain the friendship we had, i lie to myself
why??? all for the purpose of not losing u....

if i must bet wad we share in the past to gt u as my gf , then i rather remain as friends

i wonder..........in fact im more worried if we are 2gther! not that its a bad thing...its jus that i dun have a habit of being chatty infront of the person i like...unless i dunwan the situation to be awkward....kinda always failed at it...but its jus that i wanted some1 to be wif me and let me hug...sounds childish, but yea...i would want that feeling...its warmth...u noe ur not alone. BUT i noe that wont happen to some1 like me so i can stop dreaming abt it *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*

i have a bad memory...i forgt bad and good memories...i dun have impression of passing girls...but i will never forgt hw i met u...i may have forgotten the date...but i know the place.

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haha...yst met angie to have mugging session! 1st time i study so srsly, 5 papers all chiong finish!....actually, thats was not meant to be a mugging session to begin with...she jus met up wif me to give me the ticket for her cca preformance and so i bought 1 thinking "well...since your performing, i will go see" well... she was really hoping that i can go in groups so that she can sell her tix.fast! but! as that week my friends all booked liao...i cant even hold an event myself on that weekend. at 1st when i say i wan...i say onli i go...she go like "=.=" in msn....haha totally ruin mood...i tot at that point, is she trying to hint to me that it would be weird to go alone? so i anticipate this and tell her i wont feel weird...but...i think she is thinking of more mundane stuff....like mass selling the tix...oh well...haha...anyway, she suggest wanna come out meet, and suggested mugging...so i tot "hmm...since mondae is my paper...mugging is a very good idea...could use alittle help from her oso" so we met on sunday to mugged @ wdlands regional library. in the quiet environment, i can fully concentrate on my paper and think....then consult her on afew EZ qn.....b4 library about to close...it is then, i rmb her strap...i wanted to give it to her as a present...nthing special, jus spotted it on natsu matsuri and decided to buy 1 for her....as the name implies...hp straps. lol...i dunno. but i knew i gt the wrong thing for her...sure she wanted a hp strap...but that strap wasnt the strap she wanted...but my gift was kinda rejected...(i hate that feeling but i swallowed it) then library closed so we move to starbucks...there...i put my bags on the table and jus left wif her...totally ignoring the safety, but i trust that the ppl have enuf integrity not to touch things that are not theirs...then when we are waiting for our coffee, a baby carriage fall to the ground...i make a move to help, but angie move faster than me. so i automatically stop. dun ask me y...i jus stop....i hesitated. at that point i REALLY LOOK A RETARD....y did i stone there? i myself do not know...anyway our coffee came and we went back to our seats...i continue to struggle wif my pass yr paper while she read magazines...haha...she said she gt a 10 page essay to finish and hand up tml online...with that said...i felt bad making her wait for me to finish doing my revision....i wanted to say alot of sorries....but in the end i 1/2 do 1/2 talk to her....tell u something...when u talk to me ar...i am the straightforward kind....meaning if u tell me ur friends do stupid things i will definitely say "ur friend's stupid" but i know that the way i say it offends ppl....offends her oso...esp cos i said like that to her good friend....i felt bad, but i cant do anything...cos i am really say wad i felt...i rmb telling her " u can jump down a building or bang a wall, i dun care. jus dun involve me can liao"a mistake i told her that? definitely. then she ask me if WWW and escape and go all in 1 day. haha...i said no...thats not something achievable hahha...cos 2 different theme parks....both offers play all u can when ur in the park. will u stay or will u play randomly and go over to the nxt park? not feasible. but i recommend her wild wild wet.(say all u want abt having ulterior motive or anything...i dun care) cos its fun! onli went once...wif my dad and bro...very fun to play...but anyway......its still deciding....im officially having hols nxt starting thurs and im working on that day to kick off the start of my sem vacation!
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if ever i can tell u my feelings and felt that u are rdy to hear it.i will tell u while holding ur hands, followed by a hug and end wif a kiss <3

natsu matsuri!!

haha!! todae went for the natsu matsuri, its a japanese summer festival that's held once every yr...and i gt the chance to gt the ticket(1 is $2) from lala who is part of the organizing com. haha...thank you Olivia!!! haha...meet lala(oli) and fade at bedok mrt station...actually met fade 1st then lala...after that...we go to the meeting point...lol...i mus point out that lala look and sound like a tour guide(lala to group :"ok...later when u all go there...meet up at etc...etc..")haha! then we took a trip down straight to changi japanese school...reach the sch...there is alrdy a long Q...like OMG....but heng we gt tix...aside from kena-ing 1 fucked up secuirty guard OJI-SAN nthing eventful happen.....yet.

went in and waited at the Q...and fanning ourselves...finally, b4 the festival officially starts...we saw a opening festival performance(taiko) which i noted to fade that the lead player looks like she on trance...=P, after that, we went straight to the booth where gt the legendary apple candy, y did i say legendary...cos according to my friend, its rare to find 1 in sg...AND WTF IT SOLD OUT WHEN ME AND FADE ARE LIKE 3 PPL BEHIND...ahhhhh!!!!! have to wait for nxt yr...(note to self : come early,very early) then as expected, there was no more pikachu mask oso le xD. so the whole entire time i was exploring the booth, the games are very fun! haha...the yoyo game...or so they call it...is actually similar to catch a fish in japan...but instead of a paper net...its made up of a hook thats tied by tissue paper, and u are required to hook up the balloons thats inside the pool of water by trying to hook the noose tied rubber thats attached to the balloon. i manage to gt 1 balloon and it manage to last me till i gt home =D nxt i tried to play another game called :senbonbiki or tikam game haha...i manage to win a small prize of a small towel haha...i actually wanted to LARGE prize...and was expecting them to say :"gomeinasai" but instead i gt a cheer from them lol...so i oso play along lor...and smile =D then i proceed to walk around the booths again....drink alsahi beer...initially wanted to try daft...but then i see the amount of foam i sian liao...so i grab the can instead...woots...taste...like beer xD but nicer than tiger? dunno...hated beer...but wanna try out foreign products haha...saw alot of nice stuff....and all this while when im looking at the booths...im looking for something that i can buy for her...something...she will like...so i walk around...i saw a strap thats rather cute...its a cake design...but on the cake it says "for you" . well theres 2 designs for it...one is "for you" the other is "love you"...well...wad u think i choose? thats for me to know, for u to guess...and for her to find out(tml) . i hope she likes it...i admit my taste sometimes is cannot make it one...return home to find her online hahaa...YAY~! miss talking to u....haha...anyway...in the evening, we(lala, ratix, csw, fade and lala's friends and one more person whom i forgt the name le) went to the benches and slack...took pic and goof around...b4 going to the field to enjoy the evening sky...did i mention the sky looks beautiful? cos its really nice todae....then at nite have the bom odori that everybody is waiting for...i 1st time participated in this kind of mass dance and the feeling is great! haha...thanks to lala for the encouragement and psychoing haha oh and oso for teaching me the dance steps (imma noob). after that we go home...every1 is tired...but i am not...cos my mind is somewhere else le...haha...anyway...reach home just when the rain stop temp. (heng ar!) i reach home liao then it begin to pour again....

and...this is the end of my post! shld i add pictures?....nah i dun think so...i will show u when u ask me to bah =DD

nites all~

haha.....sianz....>.>"...^^(epic randomness)

on mondae i kena running nose....and i really lose all mood to study...so all i did that day was to talk to angie and afew of my jubeat friends...but then mostly chatting wif her...haha...make me laugh when i told her i have been sneezing the whole day and she said "mus be some1 thinking of u" cos if u sneeze, isnt cos some1 is scolding u? hahaha...very cute sia...well...in response to her reply i told her cant be....cos i dun think any1 is thinking about me at that time...didnt think any1 will oso...but then wad she said jus brighten me up...she said "the person who likes u is always in ur face"....now...this sentence carries a hint...did i gt the hint? or issit she jus trying to cheer me up....nonetheless, it works...haha...and all i can thnk of is that sentence wondering wad it means....dam, i feel like slping while blogging this.

then comes tuesday. the day my dad came back from sabah...went to welcome him back...haha..these few days keep running to changi airport haha...had dinner wif the whole family...then cab back...so tired i was that i slp in the cab...haha...

i dunno y , but im silently looking forward to seeing her online again...but then she didnt...miss talking to her liao...hhaha...then i found out i cant go my blog url....was frust the whole night becos of it...cos i can go blogger.com but i cant go thelamerof1989.blogspot.com....zZZzzzz=.=". yea....my running nose recovered after 1 day of rest...my mother said the usual cause :slp late >.>" haha...anyway...while thinking of her...i gt an imspiration abt eye candies haha... some of u may have seen it in facebook le...but i will post it up here :

i like eye candies...but i will only take urs because u r the sweetest among them all.
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then comes todae...realise the prob is my internet prob...now in sch i can go my blog link, yay!(many thanks to amelia for her advice) so now im blogging away. THEN i go mug...might continue later on when i gt home...hope i can go into my blog...
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*epic randomness time*

i reason wif myself that i think too much...that i interpret it wrong, but srsly i dunno....if i have then i would have given myself false hope,if i did not...then im confuse le...wad am i hoping for?

i am always in the wrong place at the right time, another sentence will be "shit happens whenever im wif some1"

haiz...feel like slping now...

tots again...and a summary of yst and todae...

hmm....thinking of things again...mind always in turmoil....wif tots zooming in and out of my mind like a 2 way traffic...can onli catch some...yst's event was rather short and sweet...so i will jus briefly sum it up yea?

yst(15/8),

lets see....wad happen...actually nthing really happen that day except at night...1pm i go work until 10pm...its been a long time since i work this long haha...but anyway...nthing eventful happen during my work except that when its closing, i manage to finish my closing task(sweep floor) very VERY quickly...then go toilet with my eyepatch to fix my eye...came back to shop to shock every1 wif my eyepatch haha...but i dun care sia...i was rushing liao...so i jus grab my bag and chiong out....wanna hail cab but cant seem to find any at sunset way...so i tried to hail at SIM...not bad...after 5 mins 1 cab arrive...told him changi airport T3...then on the way to airport i receive a sms from hollowsnarl telling me they going home le dun go+ lol(oh yea btw, i go airport is to welcome back chaser and kurobe ) dam dulan...thats the kind of sms any1 will gt SIAN and dulan abt esp when they are on their way there VIA CAB....im not angry abt the go home part, i dulan he ask me go home -.-(this explains his apology on my Cbox). then after i reach airport i am determine is stone there for awhile b4 going home...then i heard that lala, ratix, noobfade and rotation were having supper @popeye...but i tot its the T3 branch...then i go find no ppl then found out its T1...-.-" oh well...then elle join us soon after i arrive...chat abit...then go home...as its alrdy 12+ i wanted to cab back...but lala said cab back from airport gt xtra charge+midnight charge...very expensive...i think for awhile and agree that its not worth to take at airport...then she ask if every1 wants to stay over at her house for the night. every1 agree...cept me haha...wanted to gt home + im very tired after working...so after i alight from the bus at bedok...i took a cab back...and here is the interesting part...i share a cab wif a stranger...at 1st im cautious over him...so late le...nver go home stay there loiter...then say wanna share cab...ask me where im going and agree to wherever i go oso(i said bukit batok and he said bukit batok oso-.-") so in the end i cab to central and walk home....safer that way haha...in the cab...i found out that he is from dunearn sec. doing his N lvls now...having prelims(still go out...not scared fail one-.-) . then i ask him if he gt learn poa and i start talking like 70 yr old grandfather abt my times...(when i recall...i really feel dumb). when i reach home i actually wanted to tell my exp wif my mother de...but then i recall all those moments i tried telling her this kind of exp. she would explode in fits....and starts telling wad not to share things wif strangers la...y nver listen la....in then end i would alway bth and say :HIYA DAM IRRITATING LA....SHLD NOT HAVE TELL U...so nw i dont...to avoid trouble...dam tired le still have to listen to possible lecture...dam stupid and irritating...cos wad i nd is a listening ear, not a lecture...jitao ruin mood le...so i let it stay in me so that i can blog it out.

that day slpt at 3+ again cos of unlimited tots thats zooming in and out of my mind
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todae(16/8),

hmm....weather was nice so i slpt until 11am+ was gonna meet my friends(morgen and daniel) to go comi-con@ 12pm but then in the end i reach at abt 12.40pm....morgen reach at 12.50+...then we took a bus to marina square and we walk down to suntec....and when we reach the convention hall, i saw the cosplayers...AND I SAW HATSUNE MIKU AND REN<3....anyway...some>.<" then after that we saw a epic performance which is rather good...then we go off to have dinner at dbg...after that we go watch GI: JOE the rise of cobra. nice show wif alot of funny scenes...yea...then after the show we headed for the bus stop to go home....reach home->drop bag->switch on lappy-> on msn+facebook+manga+anime->slack...then go slp at 3am+ again...haha

mayb will blog abt todae depend on mood bah...=))

random thoughts that flows into my mind these pass few days

sometimes i wonder if i make a good bf...u know...wad ppl say to me really affect me de...and when i reflect on wad i did b4...i feel more guilty, cos i myself know that sometimes if i noe its not within my limit i wont try to do it...going out wif me oso will jus gt boring haha...not that i know hw to gt the situation interesting...but then i always feel that the moment of u stare at me i stare at u, or when its jus us and ur listening to mp3 and im playing psp...u noe...the gap...i dun like the gap but i cant stop it from existing...another thing im worried abt is my determination...how far would i go to get her? unlike most guys, im NOT the romantic kind...cos i cant think of sweet words to please u....if i wanna find fault it would be that whenever i said nice words to girls like "ur pretty" they will look at me as if im a disease...thats when im young...now? hm...they reject my comment and i feel that i spoke the wrong thing....and i really hate the phrase "dont touch me" but i gt that 2 times in a row le...felt really hurt...but din show my expression. cos how to i say this...its like i am not fit to touch u liddat....i understand that being a girl means that not every1 except ur close ones can touch u(touch as in the normal kind, not the hanky panky stuff). which is y i do not anyhow jus hold any girl's hand. in fact i was so afriad that u all might flare up that i always said sry if i even jus brush past u....i am srsly afraid. i always see other guys have no problem around their girl-friends...but i cant seem to bring myself to do that...haha...too many restricted areas le...well...this is my tot la...im so afraid of touching girls that there is a point of time when i thought im gay >.>"(sound stupid right?) but then that thought went into the rubbish bin when i found that i like this girl, i can 100% tell u that im NOT GAY cos when she is around, i have the xing fu feeling, something i have not felt since a long long time ago...

im oso rather anything-kind of guy, meaning if u ask if i wan something i would say anything...cos i believe, take wadeva that comes . though it also means im a guy which dun like to make decision...(its bad for image btw) and sometimes i want to make decisions..but then mostly due to my laziness, i will jus say anything...

ending sentence: will i regret posting wad i have thought? nope i wont

zz...tio shoot...>.>

zzzz my boss todae very wu liao...i say i go airport 6am to send friend off she tot he is my special some1...>.>"(hello, im not gay and i have a girl i like)

one word : slpy ~_~

truly siansational...haha....yst slp at 2.30am and wake up at 6am to meet elle to go to changi airport to send chaser and kurobe off...overall, i slpt onli 4hrs...then i go airport...go stone...then see them off.yea...thats a summary of wad happen just now..haha...after we send them out of sg, me, elle, k.h and dj*flash went to mac @ T1 to eat breakfast...listening to their stories and exp. is rather interesting hahaha....had big breakfast wif my coffee upgraded to cuppochino(something i havent done in ages)and STILL feels slpy...omg...after that we went dbg play afew rounds of jubeat then we go sch(for me,kh and dj*flash)and home(for elle). i totally sian cos todae i dunno whether g lesson anot but then judging by yst. i dun think so...and so here i am blogging away in school. y cant i use my own lappy>? cos my precious lappy is currently servicing.will gt her back on fri bah haha...after this blogging im gonna find a place to slp! so tht 5pm gt energy to work...omg...haha wish me luk later when i work and pray i dun fall aslp while churning ice cream X.X"

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haiz...i dunno abt this feeling...i noe that i like her but then, wad issit that i feel? i dun really gt mad and gt all selfish cos i onli want u...cos i feel that there shld be freedom and dun really control wad ppl like to do la...if u wan to go, go. i dun really mind unless wad u did really affect me. even if wad u said did hurt me, if its minor i wont take it to heart...(i wonder y am i typing all this out when all this is jus my tots,we din start in the beginning) with that said...i am now given myself a choice. to disappear silently without u noticing, or shld i still keep communicating wif u? well....a part of me wans to disappear from ur life. the other part of me wans to say hi to u...sometimes...knowing too much info is a bad thing. are u trying to hint me something? if it is i think i gt the hint. the other day when we go out...i wanted to say something abt u de...but then it seems like my tongue gt stuck or something and i cant bring myself to say out...but now wif the cover of a blog...i will just be straight forward , that day,when i look at ur face, i was captured by ur cuteness. at that moment, i jus wanna look at u.my mind was blank, all the word i can generate out of my brain is "u look...more..more...____" actually wad i wanna say is that u look stunning...(though i mus admit ur clothes doesnt match wad i said) but thats wad i tot...but then when i return home i ask myself if i am really worth ur time...though a majority of my feelings said NO...i am not sure if i shld give up....though i noe ur probably gonna read this sooner or later...this is jus wad i feel...if it becomes awkward to speak wif me again becos of this post then i will slowly but surely disappear from ur life.

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well i shall mia for 2wks bah...nd to study for exams le...srsly...math and thermo, omg...>.<

had this thought when i was going home from work

im now exteremely tired....my eyes feels like clsing and yet..here i am blogging away...wasting my life infront of the com....haaha....in any case my post for todae is abt wad i tot of life(again)

many a times i would say i wan this...i wan that...i wish i had this...i wish i had that...if onli i can....if onli i could...but in the end...those are but words...meaningless words...wads impt is not i wan...but in fact i get. case only when u manage to get something then its worth mentioning...i WANT to have a car...but how do i GET one? ans : money solution : i WILL save money...of cos...this is all my thoughts...i nd to gt my plans into action. but alot of things are interuppting me and preventing me to put my plan into action.

getting on another topic, im now crazy over project diva...a music game thats sang by hatsune miku, she is a vocaloid(meaning not a real person) and the full combos are EXTREMELY hard to get....which somehow make me link them up wif business...haha...cos when i chiong until 156 combos then i break...everything is gone...everything i have work for has turn to naught.this, i think is very similar to business...u can gain alot of things thru many yrs...but sometimes all it takes to lose everything might even onli need 1 day.the same applies wif life...u wont know if ur gonna die tml...haiz...

seems that i shld stop dreaming le...i was stupid not to take the hint...

i am thinking again hahahhahaha

now is....2.53am...round up to 3am bah...again im slping late again...haiz...but in any case im going to blog this down b4 going to slp...like always...i will compile yst and todae's event together in 1 post haha...here goes...1st up! yesterday....

hmm...yea...yst will be lasat sunday hehe...i was suppose to be helping my relative move house, but i kinda overslpt...end up onli my mom go...my bro wan go but he complain headache...so stay at home...i was preping to go out le...to buy lunch...so i ride my bicycle to gombak and dabao prata...very nice and very ex...8.20 sia...for 2 egg&cheese and 2 cheese prata haha...then buy chicken rice for my bro...then after that i ride back home again and rest...then leave the house at arnd 5+...reach dbg zonex at arnd 6+. the zonex at dbg is stuffy and hot...i actually manage to sweat when playing jubeat! but i chiong to class A2 nonetheless...then play afew more rounds b4 going iluma find elle...hollow wanted to go dbg...but i left the place le...so he later join me at iluma hahaa...went iluma and saw ratix, fuyu, elle, lala and august...and afew other jubeat guys...all very high de...play jubeat until abit sian cos no eamuse yet...so me, august and hollow decide to play ddrX...hmm...b4 we did that.....wad was it? ah yes...lala drag elle up to play ddr wif her hahaha...dam fun...then after that is august and some other guy...lushy i think...then my turn...i play ddr wif hollow as usual...forgt whether i gt dance wif august anot...lol...dance true love, doLL(my fav) and dynamite rave(air special).last song make my leg really high hahaha...then after 3 sets i finally give up and go mac wif lala,elle,august and hollow...then we go mac and settle down...beside the table is a glass window(impt info). then actually initially onli gt 5 ppl go eat de...then in comes fuyu...after that folo by ratix and cws...well...i cant really rmb wad happen that day...cos my memory when we are at mac is jus filled wif lala's laughter haha...she has the most epic laughter i had ever heard..so open...so contagious...she laugh we all oso laugh...she will be like: "HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"(gasps for air)"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
i told them chaser's expression when he met revely online, she oso LMAO.....i mean literally...if its not for the fact that she did not roll on the floor laughing...i will srsly put rofl xD....hey lala...if ur reading this...this is a compliment...not shooting u ok :P...then we stone and chat until abt 11+...then realise nd to go le...me and hollow figure out that theres still time for ddr..(i gave him the reason:i nd to digest) haha...so we go spam 3 sets again....not bad...i gt improve wor....hahahahaha....then after we finish playing...me and hollow head down to catch the supposedly last train haha...feeling very very thirsty...alight at gombak to buy 3 bottles of drink(7-11 gt offer) i buy green tea, lemon tea and apple tea. gulp down green tea...then reach home to finish off the lemon tea but jus as i finish drinking i suddenly feel that my stomach having war again...then i note to self :green tea and lemom tea [s]DO NOT[/s] match well...then after i finsih off my things and prep for tml(todae).

todae : ok...im tired...so i will try to keep it short...stone during tutorial...have my last quiz...then no more tutorial liao...after that i stone at ourspace to do Emat revision...i finally study that module after so long...study as in srsly study...then find the paper okok...not easy but no hard oso...esp the MCQ...after my test i go bugis find elle and saw 1 hogger...tmd...lol...quite brazen la...tong tokens like he own the whole tka like that...haha...happen to met rin and lynn haha! shock tio cos i din noe its him when i turn arnd...i tot i saw a familiar face...then i turn and stare at his face b4 waving at him enthusiastically haha...then i stone for awhile b4 going upstairs...i plan to eat at BB but looking at the time...like nthing to eat liao when reach BB so i jus order my dinner@pasta mania...then go home...and that basically sums up my day haha...okok...its near 4am liao...(shock) nites!

real tired...

yst when i slp...3.30 -4am bah...slpt like a log...woke up @9.30am(my lesson 9am)...wtf...but the strange thing is unlike last time i will panic...now is jus -look at time- "oh crap, im late again" i dun feel the panic, i feel that its a norm liao...i dun look forward to go sch...neither do i hate to go sch...then i go wait for bus then found out my ____ bro change my psp de memory stick but forgt change back...now i cant listen to the song i wan...dam fck up...and since its 9.30am...angie has long since touch down to sg le...replied my blog post as well...shock tio cos i din announce that i update my blog...i think its btr that i dun cos i dunwan uninvited attention...then some _______ read le then go post their comment abt my post on their blog. oh well...they can post wad they wan but pray that i dun see it...todae i sense the start of my emo-ing days again...im back to my old self...its a bad bad thing...dammit...

msn shout out: hopelessly in love? wrong, its hopeless at love...

i shld stop dreaming abt it and face reality, im doomed for eternal loneliness. though i had always hope some1 can prove me wrong..i pray that some1(not jus any1...it has to be a girl) will let me see the light...

at some point , i have seen myself from another person's POV and find that i am an attention seeker...if u wanna think it this way i cant stop u...i dun give a fuck abt wad ppl say abt me le...i am who i am, i love the freedom i have now...life with no restriction is an ideal lifestyle for me but impossible in reality...but i guess...i have at the very least, have the right to escape into my world once in a while...

ok...shall end my post here, once again welcome back to singapore angie...

this is wad i tot.....its myself...

in afew hrs time....actually...in abt 9hrs left, my dear friend will be returning to singapore, well...i know that i have told her that i will go airport to welcome her....thats cos i heard that no1 will be there to pick her up and as she 1st time going overseas....coming back cannot be so sian mah right....thats....what i thought, and stupid and selfish me always onli think of the plan where its himself onli....so yst she told me that she ask a friend to help her carry baggage....well...this seems to be a rather harmless term to tell me her plan...well...when i read abt it...i suddenly felt upset...haha...i was thinking : "am i not ur friend?" my auto ans : "impression not that deep la...u random friend nia...." and so i did not say anything but just acknowledge the fact =). so i ask her if he has a car...ans is " its his father de" btw this of hers can drive...so i kinda figure out y liao...and dun really felt THAT upset as the 1st time i heard it...cos i analyse liao i told myself, reasonable la....gt car mah...can drive...no nd flag taxi oso...then i tot abt the thing i told her abt....then mix reality and promise togther to find tht it clashed...gt car = give ride home = if follow i will be a fucking bright lamp post in the car....so y shld i even bother to go then? after all...she asked him, not me. no reason for me to there...im nthing impt to her anyway...hahaha(cold laughter)

*proceeds to go one corner emo again*

well...that just somehow sums up my thought over this situation...tml i will jus msn her a "welcome back =)"....think she will jus give me the ans> " :)[emote] with a ty " cant expect anything more than that le bah haocai? u mus know ur own limit. u-are-nthing-but-a-random-friend...must MUST remember that ok? dun always think that u talk to some1 1 or 2 days nia u like know them 2 yrs le...cannot ok?

im now like having dilemma on whether or not i shld go and "welcome" her...sure, she is not some big shot, but nonetheless she is my friend...but then she gt a friend that has the possibility to drive her home rather than me who has zero possibility of sending her home cos i have no cash and no car so i go there is be extra...cant be anything useful...

all that thinking cut short the time of her arrival to abt 8hrs left...

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jubeat:
promise myself not to play jubeat le cos i no money...well...broke that promise le...spent abt 6 bucks on that machine + 1 ddr which is 1.40...explains y i run out of money...i dun blame any1 but myself for this...pls dun come and tell me "u see la!" etc...etc...but i manage to clear my sigisg...woots...haha...

jubeat compy

ok..im going to slp soon so i will give a quick post haha...thats right as my title says...jubeat competition...i join the competition at lot1 zonex wif chaserz on friday when we were there training when the auntie come and say registration is now open i was playing and jus nod my head and later ask chaser for info haha...=P then on saturday....went to play afew round of jubeat b4 resting for the tournament...wanted the jubeat clock...but up against SG top players : chaserz, rin, kurobe...etc...i participate to get doorgift nia haha...not bad leh...a cube shape memo pad and a KONAMI pen...in the end my score was 266X not the last and def. not the 1st...then after the tournament we stay on to play more jubeat and have fun...gt really high that day haha...edit TRUE LOVE, YMCA, bass2bass, evans, we sang for rin and fuck him up when he play haha...totally hilarious....sg cafe ppl are truly a fun group haha...it was nice to hang out wif them...

todae...interesting haha

lol....todae i finally gt myself on the song: evans! must thank renegod for his advice haha...din noe play online oso can pass song...haha....todae wake up nearly late...>.<...reach sch late...reach classroom of cos will be later...-.-"...but once i reach the classroom, sat down, rest awhile(i chiong) then start up my com...jus as my com start up, the teacher said "ok? no problem? then thats all for todae...u may go le" i was like wtf...lol...todae i go for onli 1 fckin' lesson and ended like 30mins...-.- then i have to switch off my lappy again...then proceed to eat my lunch...gt pay yst...its miserable but its still money...haha....gotta save up for the genting trip in sept>.
okok gotta slp le...tml mus wake up at 8am and gt work at 5pm.....*sob* no choice...its for sept...T.T lol...nites all~! =3

empty vessels makes the most noise(theory cfmed)

as wad my title says....empty vessels empty does make the most noise...and that theory was proven when i saw one in action....its at lot1...at around 4-5pm+ bah...gt these grp of bengs(i assume, by their dress code) they are like snatching the jubeat machine wif me and sebas lol....cos they tap my machine(we are at zonex so they use the tapz card) while im playing...distracted me alittle though...none that matters...was abit pissed but then decided not to be an asshole and let the guy play. but todae im not gonna talk abt him lol...instead i will be talking abt his other "kaki" one big plump guy...looks tough....reminds me of a gorilla...and yea...talks like one oso....loud and rowdy...nnb...reaction so loud i can hear him from the fcking counter la...but can see he pro...use one hand play lvl 10 song...haha...not bad...for a gorilla(sry...thats my impression) then i dunno y....i suddenly recall the phrase "empty vessels empty does make the most noise" and compare to that guy...and i tot : hmm....hw true...lol...he is loud,looks stupid and has a big head that vibrates when u knock on it becos inside seems empty...talks alot when he plays....talks alot oso when he is NOT PLAYING...sadded...in the end me and sebas waited until like 5+ b4 they finally 'left'...cb play 2 round of jubeat nia they are back...wif smoke smell...clearly, to take a short smoke break b4 cont. again...shld see their ign...lol...then note it down...=P but it was oso arnd the time for us to head back to sch(have pt on mondae) so me and sebas go back after a short round of jubeat...lol...i gt irriated by these kind of ppl...zzzzzzzzzzz.....but then if i think abt it...im abit like that as well...hog the machine ;P BUT if others wanna use i will let them use...then take turn lor...ppl who chiong 2-5 credits at one go are rich fuckers....lol...

words...and how i define them as...

hmm....for this post...its a make up post for something i wanna write but forgtten abt it....

todae im going to talk abt hw i use these words and wads my own definition of them. =) (this is NOT a dictionary...but if u wanna learn it wif my definition, use it at ur own risk)

my 1st word will be IF...to me IF is like a imaginary action verb...here are afew following examples :
IF only this happens....
IF i press this...
IF only....
IF i hadnt done that
i will do it IF....
what IF....
now y do i say its imaginary? cos i often use the word IF when things done gt done wad i wanted....(e.g. if only i had come up wif a back up plan....i wont be so fuck up now)
the word IF is also act as a means of choice im suggesting to ppl....e.g. "wad if we do this? wad if we do that?" it give ppl...or rather , me. in this case. the question of wad will happen if i do this? whats the consequences of my actions?

nxt word: shall blog abt it when i thnk abt it lol-ed :P

felt the hatred towards me

i can feel it totally todae lol...i think i piss ppl off by my crapping...i always tell myself to diam...to keep quiet...but then...ones nature cant be changed wif just one day can it haha...and oso...ok..fine, i cant take jokes esp wif its abt me, i am very defensive.......not tht i cant take ALL SORTs of jokes...but if u think of calling ppl names that they are not...that my friend, is not joking...thats framing and slander...though jokes shld be fun and all yea...i agree wif u 100%....but then if u add abit of personal atks then its not really funny le...perhaps it is to u...but not to the other party...wad i said todae may well be turn to me as well...i may oso say the wrong things at the wrong time...make jokes out of another person...i who judge ppl by hw they act knows if ur being friendly or not....todae i had a afew friends whom my impression of them has dropped signicanlly....though not to the point of no salvation....but then yea....dropped nonetheless...

im actually gonna write another post de...but then im just too tired to write anymore post todae...so i might continue tml...

last night i have this flash image again....

last night...or shld i say earlier todae...at 4am...b4 i went to slp...i suddenly have my memories playback to me and it replays the part where i really felt scared...where i really could have lost my brother...where i nearly...jus nearly....become a murderer....and this thought was etched deep into my mind...its a guilt i cant erase...i am not sure if i had written it in my blog but i will tell it now...i rmb....

when i am still young, i was travelingwif my family...and my brother was...as always...being an irritant...and messing wif me...so i snapped...it happened when we are at outram park...u noe the covered paveway? yea we were walking...and my bro mess wif me until i snapped i jus grab his neck and turn....it was my quick reaction and b4 i can control my strenght...i heard a "crack" sound...i rmb i was freaked out...i quickly turn to my bro ask him is he alright...tell him to talk to me....he was abit confused but he still replied...at that time i really hugged him....and keep saying "sry..." i was closed to tears...and i was thankful....if i were to just twist his neck somemore...i...i would have become a killer...my bro's killer...that nite...as i look as my memories flashed across me...i cant help but look at my shivering hands and think how close i am to become a murderer...i dunno y this memory replay to me...but its a memory that will haunt me 4ever from time to time....killing some1 is always so easy, but its handling the after effects that hard...if i can i would not want to kill, esp if its my family, my friends or my relatives...i am thankful....just thankful...i hate&love my bro....he is both an irritant and and irreplaceable person...he is my one and only brother...

nebo card registration madness haha....

todae's post will be short and sweet....happen afew interesting things....

woke up and prep to go do some cash transfer from 1 bank to another then to finish up my nebo card registration using that bank's card....not bad...then after registration, i put it in my wallet but was looking at it over and over again that i THINK i misplace it when i board the bus when im going home....realise its not in my pocket or in my wallet...then panic...suddenly have an inspiration that it might still be on the bus...so i took a gamble and headed for the bus stop...and hope its the same bus...the good news is that its the same bus, the bad news is there is no ticket on it...so i alight one stop from the interchange and realise i shld go interchange and search for it...so i walk to the interchange AGAIN and find....cant find it anywhere...as i was waiting i think of the possibility of me dropping it on the bus stop i alighted....oso no luck....so i went back and announce the ticket as gone case....ask sebas for advise...he said jus post pic can liao...heng ar...still can...so i "heck care" abt the ticket liao...until my dad said he found a ticket and ask if its mine...it is...and its in the house...-.- oh well...slide it into my wallet where it belongs and wait lor...my friend said the card will be send to me via mail....hope that when i gt the card i can gt lots of benefits as stated there and most imptly use it...lol...went out to meet sebas at around 6+ to lot1 to play jubeat...when i arrive, there was alrdy spammers there le...so i watch them play as i wait for sebas...one is a pro the other is....well...lets just say not-so-pro.....when sebas arrive i tell him we have spammers i see his face abit sian liao....then we play an alternative game : silent hill. the game me and kl complete on 1st try or issit 2nd? oh well...impt thing is we complete the game...hahaha....play until abt 7+ then i head off to JP while sebas went to range....phone my bro and realise my parents and him havent step out of the house yet...so this means one thing....when i reach JP i will go zoneX and chiong jubeat....played 2 times...2nd time i accidentally challenge another player...i think he never takes me seriously...and let me win...but then i manage to pwn him 3 times...perhaps he shld do the same to me...i choose 2 songs he choose 1....i choose : 負けないで(extreme) and snow goose(advance) while he choose :[(in the name of love (i think)] but the result is still the same i pwned him....and the best part , he was surrounded by his friends...girls if i rmb correctly...then head down to eat dinner and some jap restraunt, yakiyaki...the food is not "yaki" cos its seriously nice...can go...but then money wise...not very nice...haha...after dinner, me and my bro went back to zonex to cont. jubeat...haha...then after that go back to ntuc xtra to meet up wif my parents...then go back...and thats all fo the day liao ok bbies~ =D

lol...so much for being short and sweet....xD =P