i can feel it totally todae lol...i think i piss ppl off by my crapping...i always tell myself to diam...to keep quiet...but then...ones nature cant be changed wif just one day can it haha...and oso...ok..fine, i cant take jokes esp wif its abt me, i am very defensive.......not tht i cant take ALL SORTs of jokes...but if u think of calling ppl names that they are not...that my friend, is not joking...thats framing and slander...though jokes shld be fun and all yea...i agree wif u 100%....but then if u add abit of personal atks then its not really funny le...perhaps it is to u...but not to the other party...wad i said todae may well be turn to me as well...i may oso say the wrong things at the wrong time...make jokes out of another person...i who judge ppl by hw they act knows if ur being friendly or not....todae i had a afew friends whom my impression of them has dropped signicanlly....though not to the point of no salvation....but then yea....dropped nonetheless...
im actually gonna write another post de...but then im just too tired to write anymore post todae...so i might continue tml...
Monday, June 29, 2009
last night i have this flash image again....
last night...or shld i say earlier todae...at 4am...b4 i went to slp...i suddenly have my memories playback to me and it replays the part where i really felt scared...where i really could have lost my brother...where i nearly...jus nearly....become a murderer....and this thought was etched deep into my mind...its a guilt i cant erase...i am not sure if i had written it in my blog but i will tell it now...i rmb....
when i am still young, i was travelingwif my family...and my brother was...as always...being an irritant...and messing wif me...so i snapped...it happened when we are at outram park...u noe the covered paveway? yea we were walking...and my bro mess wif me until i snapped i jus grab his neck and turn....it was my quick reaction and b4 i can control my strenght...i heard a "crack" sound...i rmb i was freaked out...i quickly turn to my bro ask him is he alright...tell him to talk to me....he was abit confused but he still replied...at that time i really hugged him....and keep saying "sry..." i was closed to tears...and i was thankful....if i were to just twist his neck somemore...i...i would have become a killer...my bro's killer...that nite...as i look as my memories flashed across me...i cant help but look at my shivering hands and think how close i am to become a murderer...i dunno y this memory replay to me...but its a memory that will haunt me 4ever from time to time....killing some1 is always so easy, but its handling the after effects that hard...if i can i would not want to kill, esp if its my family, my friends or my relatives...i am thankful....just thankful...i hate&love my bro....he is both an irritant and and irreplaceable person...he is my one and only brother...
when i am still young, i was travelingwif my family...and my brother was...as always...being an irritant...and messing wif me...so i snapped...it happened when we are at outram park...u noe the covered paveway? yea we were walking...and my bro mess wif me until i snapped i jus grab his neck and turn....it was my quick reaction and b4 i can control my strenght...i heard a "crack" sound...i rmb i was freaked out...i quickly turn to my bro ask him is he alright...tell him to talk to me....he was abit confused but he still replied...at that time i really hugged him....and keep saying "sry..." i was closed to tears...and i was thankful....if i were to just twist his neck somemore...i...i would have become a killer...my bro's killer...that nite...as i look as my memories flashed across me...i cant help but look at my shivering hands and think how close i am to become a murderer...i dunno y this memory replay to me...but its a memory that will haunt me 4ever from time to time....killing some1 is always so easy, but its handling the after effects that hard...if i can i would not want to kill, esp if its my family, my friends or my relatives...i am thankful....just thankful...i hate&love my bro....he is both an irritant and and irreplaceable person...he is my one and only brother...
Friday, June 26, 2009
nebo card registration madness haha....
todae's post will be short and sweet....happen afew interesting things....
woke up and prep to go do some cash transfer from 1 bank to another then to finish up my nebo card registration using that bank's card....not bad...then after registration, i put it in my wallet but was looking at it over and over again that i THINK i misplace it when i board the bus when im going home....realise its not in my pocket or in my wallet...then panic...suddenly have an inspiration that it might still be on the bus...so i took a gamble and headed for the bus stop...and hope its the same bus...the good news is that its the same bus, the bad news is there is no ticket on it...so i alight one stop from the interchange and realise i shld go interchange and search for it...so i walk to the interchange AGAIN and find....cant find it anywhere...as i was waiting i think of the possibility of me dropping it on the bus stop i alighted....oso no luck....so i went back and announce the ticket as gone case....ask sebas for advise...he said jus post pic can liao...heng ar...still can...so i "heck care" abt the ticket liao...until my dad said he found a ticket and ask if its mine...it is...and its in the house...-.- oh well...slide it into my wallet where it belongs and wait lor...my friend said the card will be send to me via mail....hope that when i gt the card i can gt lots of benefits as stated there and most imptly use it...lol...went out to meet sebas at around 6+ to lot1 to play jubeat...when i arrive, there was alrdy spammers there le...so i watch them play as i wait for sebas...one is a pro the other is....well...lets just say not-so-pro.....when sebas arrive i tell him we have spammers i see his face abit sian liao....then we play an alternative game : silent hill. the game me and kl complete on 1st try or issit 2nd? oh well...impt thing is we complete the game...hahaha....play until abt 7+ then i head off to JP while sebas went to range....phone my bro and realise my parents and him havent step out of the house yet...so this means one thing....when i reach JP i will go zoneX and chiong jubeat....played 2 times...2nd time i accidentally challenge another player...i think he never takes me seriously...and let me win...but then i manage to pwn him 3 times...perhaps he shld do the same to me...i choose 2 songs he choose 1....i choose : 負けないで(extreme) and snow goose(advance) while he choose :[(in the name of love (i think)] but the result is still the same i pwned him....and the best part , he was surrounded by his friends...girls if i rmb correctly...then head down to eat dinner and some jap restraunt, yakiyaki...the food is not "yaki" cos its seriously nice...can go...but then money wise...not very nice...haha...after dinner, me and my bro went back to zonex to cont. jubeat...haha...then after that go back to ntuc xtra to meet up wif my parents...then go back...and thats all fo the day liao ok bbies~ =D
lol...so much for being short and sweet....xD =P
woke up and prep to go do some cash transfer from 1 bank to another then to finish up my nebo card registration using that bank's card....not bad...then after registration, i put it in my wallet but was looking at it over and over again that i THINK i misplace it when i board the bus when im going home....realise its not in my pocket or in my wallet...then panic...suddenly have an inspiration that it might still be on the bus...so i took a gamble and headed for the bus stop...and hope its the same bus...the good news is that its the same bus, the bad news is there is no ticket on it...so i alight one stop from the interchange and realise i shld go interchange and search for it...so i walk to the interchange AGAIN and find....cant find it anywhere...as i was waiting i think of the possibility of me dropping it on the bus stop i alighted....oso no luck....so i went back and announce the ticket as gone case....ask sebas for advise...he said jus post pic can liao...heng ar...still can...so i "heck care" abt the ticket liao...until my dad said he found a ticket and ask if its mine...it is...and its in the house...-.- oh well...slide it into my wallet where it belongs and wait lor...my friend said the card will be send to me via mail....hope that when i gt the card i can gt lots of benefits as stated there and most imptly use it...lol...went out to meet sebas at around 6+ to lot1 to play jubeat...when i arrive, there was alrdy spammers there le...so i watch them play as i wait for sebas...one is a pro the other is....well...lets just say not-so-pro.....when sebas arrive i tell him we have spammers i see his face abit sian liao....then we play an alternative game : silent hill. the game me and kl complete on 1st try or issit 2nd? oh well...impt thing is we complete the game...hahaha....play until abt 7+ then i head off to JP while sebas went to range....phone my bro and realise my parents and him havent step out of the house yet...so this means one thing....when i reach JP i will go zoneX and chiong jubeat....played 2 times...2nd time i accidentally challenge another player...i think he never takes me seriously...and let me win...but then i manage to pwn him 3 times...perhaps he shld do the same to me...i choose 2 songs he choose 1....i choose : 負けないで(extreme) and snow goose(advance) while he choose :[(in the name of love (i think)] but the result is still the same i pwned him....and the best part , he was surrounded by his friends...girls if i rmb correctly...then head down to eat dinner and some jap restraunt, yakiyaki...the food is not "yaki" cos its seriously nice...can go...but then money wise...not very nice...haha...after dinner, me and my bro went back to zonex to cont. jubeat...haha...then after that go back to ntuc xtra to meet up wif my parents...then go back...and thats all fo the day liao ok bbies~ =D
lol...so much for being short and sweet....xD =P
Thursday, June 25, 2009
lol...
was suppose to blog this up yst...haha...but i guess i was too lazy to do it...so i jus open to this empty post and leave it there haha...XP. haha...thanks xian hui, for telling me, i din know that i had such "charisma" in my posts lol...but in any case thanks for telling me, it had given me though alittle but nonetheless confidence. =)...hmm wad shld i start wif? let me rewind abit...
-twitch right ear clockwise to rewind-
hmm...ok done...lets start ;P
woke up at the usual time of 12pm....realise i had work @ 5pm...feeling very sian...din talk really much...not much ppl online...ppl i wan to talk wif not there....so i sian and stone infront of the com until 4+...it was drizzlinhg outside...din bother to bring an umbrella...then proceed to play my djmax clazziquai and black square. reach my work place at around 4.50pm but then b4 i actually went to work...i went to the nearst AXS station and see if i can sign up for the nebo card...fill up everything then realise it onli accept POSB and DBS card...oh well...i tell myself...later at nite then do cash transfer....then went to work....work was...boring as usual...churn ice cream sell ice cream...occasionally eat ice cream...(no wonder i gain weight -.-) in any case at nite was interesting cos there are flying ants(those big flying ants u see when raining) and i had fun catching those ants...gt them into the dying stage then throw them into the rubbish bin...if i can set them free i will do that but then...working mah...i cant be so compassionate...so i killed around 4 of them....after work, wendy drop me off at np bus stop and i miss the bus cos i was concentrating on my djmax(note to self: must not play when u have to concentrate 2 things) , ride the bus back to interchange and proceed to POSB and see if the cash deposit machine is working...and its not...dammit...lol...so i guess i had to do it the nxt day(todae) , yea . reach home and saw my bro playing maple private server....waited for him to play finish liao then go online...and do the usual things....manga , anime, chat...but then manga gt nthing new, anime all watch liao and as for chatting?not really alot of ppl to chat oso...even if there is..i dunno wad topic to say...haiz...tats my problem lol...well ok...thats for yst...later im gonna blog again...and thats for todae . cya yea? ;)
-twitch right ear clockwise to rewind-
hmm...ok done...lets start ;P
woke up at the usual time of 12pm....realise i had work @ 5pm...feeling very sian...din talk really much...not much ppl online...ppl i wan to talk wif not there....so i sian and stone infront of the com until 4+...it was drizzlinhg outside...din bother to bring an umbrella...then proceed to play my djmax clazziquai and black square. reach my work place at around 4.50pm but then b4 i actually went to work...i went to the nearst AXS station and see if i can sign up for the nebo card...fill up everything then realise it onli accept POSB and DBS card...oh well...i tell myself...later at nite then do cash transfer....then went to work....work was...boring as usual...churn ice cream sell ice cream...occasionally eat ice cream...(no wonder i gain weight -.-) in any case at nite was interesting cos there are flying ants(those big flying ants u see when raining) and i had fun catching those ants...gt them into the dying stage then throw them into the rubbish bin...if i can set them free i will do that but then...working mah...i cant be so compassionate...so i killed around 4 of them....after work, wendy drop me off at np bus stop and i miss the bus cos i was concentrating on my djmax(note to self: must not play when u have to concentrate 2 things) , ride the bus back to interchange and proceed to POSB and see if the cash deposit machine is working...and its not...dammit...lol...so i guess i had to do it the nxt day(todae) , yea . reach home and saw my bro playing maple private server....waited for him to play finish liao then go online...and do the usual things....manga , anime, chat...but then manga gt nthing new, anime all watch liao and as for chatting?not really alot of ppl to chat oso...even if there is..i dunno wad topic to say...haiz...tats my problem lol...well ok...thats for yst...later im gonna blog again...and thats for todae . cya yea? ;)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
my revived crazed for jubeat
lol...i tot i have grown sian of the game...but then i think yj's constant 'indirect psycho' cause my dying craze for jubeat to be revive...lol...i gt sian cos 1) gt pro liao then they hog the machine. 2) yj talk so much and play until so pro i dun feel like playing le :P. and oso...i am so gonna sign up for nebo card...gt so much offer and i dunno...onli problem is cash, registration is $40, renewal is 20 bucks...as i onli left 50 in my bank...if i minus 40 i will be left onli a miserable 10bucks....cannot cannot...haiz...nxt mth bah...which is nxt week =) y? cos my pay lai liao...woots...then i gotta start saving for a possible trip wif npsc during sept. shld save abt 300-400+(really mus eat chicken rice everyday liao...eat less save more...oh...and try to spent less oso...>.<)
Monday, June 22, 2009
todae was suppose to be a happy day...
i was nearly pissed off at my group.....1 knn...always kpkb...like lai choon...talk alot....really 1 fcking lj kia...the others give ai mai attitude...its not like the other groups where they are very enthu....u gt the spirit up u noe...but then...my grp? knn...1 complain leg pain...the other 2 very neutral...very anything...after 1st station we gt lost liao...then proceed to 'tour' the entire sentosa....from siloso to palawan beach...u noe hw sian i was at that time? did not eat my breakfast and lunch....all i had the whole fucking day was water...liquid....so wad i did was i buy energy drink...and mineral water...to survive...and while the other 3 crap away i was looking to hw to find the things that we nd to find, look for the nxt clue...and whenever i see their half-ass attitude...i oso sian 1/2...at one point i was nearly going to sms sebas and throw in the towel...i will be btr off solo....after the race...a happier time comes...grats on jessi and yj on becoming a couple...(something i anticipated), played for awhile...swim to and fro....until daniel's grp arrive and we started to really play lol...but we lack a ball and i forgt to bring my fris-bee...call estella to buy a beach VOLLEYBALL...and she nod and say "orh"...return wif a plastic FOOTBALL LOL....at 1st we abit sian but then afterwards we play until we high le then forgt abt it le...lol...play until 5.45pm and felt its time to pack...well...compare to last yr...this yr is not very tiring...we manage to went home early....(last yr was 9pm+) the sun was not scorching...i dun feel tired until i reach home....i am still hungry...and the most impt diff is that there are more girls that come wif us as compare to last yr(onli afew and that few onli 1 went into the water)....last yr i was tanned red from head to leg...this yr i was red on my face and hands...haha...had dinner after we bath...ohoh...this time i nd to rmb...the western food stall in kopitiam@ vivocity is truly worth their price...cos the quantity is really "wow!" haha...after that we play table games and i gt totally pawned todae >.<....tired...morning to afternoon was feeling hot-headed...evening is where i cool my head haha...and mayb its becos of that i dun feel the itch that i had felt yst...but i know that it is onli temporalily....it will itch again and i will blog abt it again haha....cheers for the nites =)
i am after all...a nobody
this is wad i wanna do right now...jus shout :"AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!".....im bottling it up again...and i feel the urge to shout...mayb i will do it tml...when i go sentosa...
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y do i suddenly feel this way? can any1 tell me wads wrong? i have an intense urge to shout out...my heart really itches...and and i dunno wads wrong wif me! this feelings....i dunno since when i have started to develop them...it has become more and more obvious!...y is this? i dunno anymore...i want to shout and shout and shout.....am i confuse? mayb...i felt an emptiness in my heart...its like a hole...and the wounds are itching...how am i going to fill up that gap in my heart? hw am i to stop the itch from my heart to stop? i wan the urge to shout to ease...nono...i think im going to lose control very soon...no not mentally....but then...its my heart that itches...who does my heart search for? has its sensor pick up someone? im going to try to shout and cover my mouth using a pillow...brb...
-shouting in progress-
back...well...onli helps alittle...my heart still itches...my feelings is not very stable de...im rather....how do i said it....rather fluttery...that means my feelings for some1 is real but i cant maintain it....but i really do gt hurt quite easily...hm....issit an old wound from last time? i rmb i cried...haha infront of the whole bus..(well...cant be compared to those that cried in the mrt b4...u pwn me hands down). each of us gt our problems and sometimes i really dun wan to share it out cos i dunwan to burden another person wif additional un-needed stress...and always prefer to solve it on my own...but my heart is really itching.....some1 help me stop it...even if its temporaily...who can help me ease my heart? who? who is willing to come in and break into my sealed and reinforced heart?really...i dun really think there is...for i have come to a stage where i cant get pass the gate named : fear, i cant seem to unlock the lock name : insecurities , i lack the weapon call love to break open lock and destory the gate...i have also realise the hourglass of my life has appeared and the sands are slowly dropping down to the bottom glass and there isnt much left on top....i suddenly realise that i have a time limit...where this time, if time runs out for me...its game over for good....now im trying to think of anyting as a bid to ease my heart...
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on a quick note b4 i sign off....my bro said that my socks attracts ants...and as u all know...socks contain my sweat...so if ants were to be attracted to my socks means my sweat are sweet and if my sweats are sweet that means i have diabetes? its too soon for me to have and too much of a trauma for me...i rather a quick death than a slow death at the very least...i dun nd to suffer that much....im beginning to realise the symtoms of diabetes i have shown these few days...and im starting to get worried..also, i've gain weight, something that i do not wan...i nd to control my diet...seriously....>.<.....
angie reach holland(neatherlands) safely wif her relatives...a heaved out a sigh of relieve...im not at all related to her...but hw come i always worried abt her? wad do i see her as? my sis? or my special some1? i have not seem to be able to see the difference between those 2 using my feelings...till then, i cant say wad i wanted to say to her...cos...1st she has some1 she liked....2nd she treats me like some weirdo....3rd...i dun wan a 1 sided r/s(link to the 1st) 4th, i dunwan to regret the decision i have made...5th i am afraid of losing the bet of friendship if she ever rejects...(i rmb some1 said to me: u never know when u havent tried)
somehow, sometimes after i help out in somethings...i dun feel the happiness and achievements at all, instead i felt...nthing...blank...recollect wad i did and scold myself for being an idiot...for not noticing so many things i ought to have noticed...y did i have to realise this when its always too late?[im actually alittle hesitant about posting wad i have felt in blog cos im afraid she might read, but since i have written, i will stake wad i have on this post and hope that in the event that she gt read...mayb...just mayb she will know of my current feelings....and in the event that she does not read...well...then i will leave it as that...]
ok im going to sign off now...tml gotta wake up at 6.30am lol...
(the itch in my heart is acting up again)
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y do i suddenly feel this way? can any1 tell me wads wrong? i have an intense urge to shout out...my heart really itches...and and i dunno wads wrong wif me! this feelings....i dunno since when i have started to develop them...it has become more and more obvious!...y is this? i dunno anymore...i want to shout and shout and shout.....am i confuse? mayb...i felt an emptiness in my heart...its like a hole...and the wounds are itching...how am i going to fill up that gap in my heart? hw am i to stop the itch from my heart to stop? i wan the urge to shout to ease...nono...i think im going to lose control very soon...no not mentally....but then...its my heart that itches...who does my heart search for? has its sensor pick up someone? im going to try to shout and cover my mouth using a pillow...brb...
-shouting in progress-
back...well...onli helps alittle...my heart still itches...my feelings is not very stable de...im rather....how do i said it....rather fluttery...that means my feelings for some1 is real but i cant maintain it....but i really do gt hurt quite easily...hm....issit an old wound from last time? i rmb i cried...haha infront of the whole bus..(well...cant be compared to those that cried in the mrt b4...u pwn me hands down). each of us gt our problems and sometimes i really dun wan to share it out cos i dunwan to burden another person wif additional un-needed stress...and always prefer to solve it on my own...but my heart is really itching.....some1 help me stop it...even if its temporaily...who can help me ease my heart? who? who is willing to come in and break into my sealed and reinforced heart?really...i dun really think there is...for i have come to a stage where i cant get pass the gate named : fear, i cant seem to unlock the lock name : insecurities , i lack the weapon call love to break open lock and destory the gate...i have also realise the hourglass of my life has appeared and the sands are slowly dropping down to the bottom glass and there isnt much left on top....i suddenly realise that i have a time limit...where this time, if time runs out for me...its game over for good....now im trying to think of anyting as a bid to ease my heart...
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on a quick note b4 i sign off....my bro said that my socks attracts ants...and as u all know...socks contain my sweat...so if ants were to be attracted to my socks means my sweat are sweet and if my sweats are sweet that means i have diabetes? its too soon for me to have and too much of a trauma for me...i rather a quick death than a slow death at the very least...i dun nd to suffer that much....im beginning to realise the symtoms of diabetes i have shown these few days...and im starting to get worried..also, i've gain weight, something that i do not wan...i nd to control my diet...seriously....>.<.....
angie reach holland(neatherlands) safely wif her relatives...a heaved out a sigh of relieve...im not at all related to her...but hw come i always worried abt her? wad do i see her as? my sis? or my special some1? i have not seem to be able to see the difference between those 2 using my feelings...till then, i cant say wad i wanted to say to her...cos...1st she has some1 she liked....2nd she treats me like some weirdo....3rd...i dun wan a 1 sided r/s(link to the 1st) 4th, i dunwan to regret the decision i have made...5th i am afraid of losing the bet of friendship if she ever rejects...(i rmb some1 said to me: u never know when u havent tried)
somehow, sometimes after i help out in somethings...i dun feel the happiness and achievements at all, instead i felt...nthing...blank...recollect wad i did and scold myself for being an idiot...for not noticing so many things i ought to have noticed...y did i have to realise this when its always too late?[im actually alittle hesitant about posting wad i have felt in blog cos im afraid she might read, but since i have written, i will stake wad i have on this post and hope that in the event that she gt read...mayb...just mayb she will know of my current feelings....and in the event that she does not read...well...then i will leave it as that...]
ok im going to sign off now...tml gotta wake up at 6.30am lol...
(the itch in my heart is acting up again)
Thursday, June 18, 2009
....i shld just shut up....(title does not sycro wif post)
as my title said....nuf said...i talk too much, say too much, having an imaginary good response and reaction isnt good at all...it makes u sick of gambling...XP i shld jus keep quiet...i shld not care so much abt other ppl when none care for me, like i said, i have had enuf of 1-sided r/s. if i see a full stop even b4 we begin i will slowly stop.lol...for those who are reading, im jus putting my tots into words...and u will noe that my mind is always in random...
quote of the week : DO NOT love someone else when you cant love yourself, you DON'T DESERVE it
sometimes instead of blogging and writing in a diary...i wanna jus buy a tape recorder...and record my tots and life in it...then in the case where i died...or when im old i will have a collection of "short stories"
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that tot aside...im still addicted to the anime : jubei-chan season 1 and 2(final season)and whenever i see nananoha jiyu's father,nananoha sai(really sometime thinks he is shit) i cant help but think....hey c'mon...ur daughter is going to fight for a greater cause...while u, only a fcking writer that cant do wad ur daughter's 1st request for u(in season 2) the end is really touching...haha...but the best parts that i like abt the anime jubei-chan is the swordfights...and the way the main theme kicks in when jiyu transform into yagyu jubei but then the drawings of the other "less important" character in the story really sux...lol...in season 1 jiyu's dad totally snapped when he knows wads really happening...and try to escape it by saying "its alright...come back to papa...u dun have to do this anymore" my reaction when watching that part is, fck that la...cant u see wads really happening? open ur eyes and look will u...she is fcking fighting an enemy that will cause her life if she loses...u wan ur daughter to break concentration and gt slaughtered? think la...(sudden shifting to other topics) in addition to this anime, i loved the main theme and oso the OST : nagi~peace of mind~.....
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i wonder when will my common test result will be out...im having high expectations....although todae was onli wednesday...but then i wanna know if i had fail any modules...i seriously am not confident abt my engineering material...i rather study and empty my brain juice on math than learn engineering materials...seriously...>.> but then...who ask me to fail that module...gotta retake lor...not that i LIKE retaking ok...I HATE IT......repeating 1 sem is SHIT....its like repeating sec 3....tmd...this sem exam i SWEAR i am going to aim an A if not a B...cb...im not taking a repeat onli to gt a D again...i seem to recall some1 saying abt being a 'fake' yr3 wont noe abt their stress of the 'actual' yr3, hey fck it ok...if i wan to think of it nicely, its jus 3.5 yrs, an extra bloody 6mths...and im alrdy fcking piss abt it liao...
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i feel that i am very kiam pah sometimes....really....i will be frank with all of u here....i can be ur friend for 1 day and turn enemy the nxt day....i wont giv u warning de...if u hit onto my live wire, be prep to gt shock and oso i have sudden mood swing and turn really grumpy...i would feel that u are an irritant if u ask too much, if u act like an idiot too much, if im confuse liao and u add more stress. when im thinking and JUST about to write(i tend to forgt wad im writing if im going to write and some idiot break my concentration)...and when i do that...i will snap back....ppl who try to ask me wads wrong will gt bitten oso...cos i wan to be left alone of awhile...when im alright..i will join u guys again...im sure those who try to ask me wads wrong got the reply" nthing! and dun touch me!" that is my response...i will treat u like no other stranger...when im really moody, touch me and u feel my wrath...and i dun care who it is...in fact my bro has the most exp. (shld i put haha?) then sometimes i will feel like provoking ppl to gt angry...and try to cool them down again...i cant explain my actions for this...(grab attention mayb?hmm...)and sometimes i jus ran out of topic to talk...and u stone i stone...lol...im a loner that wans company but sometimes dun wan any of it....and feel that being alone is much btr...and sometimes tot that having a gf or a wife is a good thing...(i wann make it clear...i do not think gtting a gf is cool, i think gtting a gf is a blessing)sometimes i whld gt attached to some1 and mistake her "guan xing" for affection....thats y...if i cant make out the diff between those 2...its btr to be alone...and oso rmb my quote of the week haha...
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i find that emo songs are nice...dun u think? they have feelings in them...cos the singers really put their heart into it to sing it and thus, u can feel their pain, sadness and helplessness...an easy example will be guang liang's song , tong hua. i let a tear flow out of my eyes when watching that mv.
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i truly feel that girls are 'untouchables' this is the 2nd time some girl said "dun touch me!" if its a comics strip, my face will have the stun face and the phrase "dun touch me!"will fill the entire dream bubble. after all, they ARE princesses, there is no hag or witch or anything...there is however bitches...and i am jus a filthy nobody...i do not belong to any1 and no1 belong to me...i can onli watch and play along wif the others.
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tots appear and disappear in my mind everytime....wad was i going to say again?.....oh yea...sometimes playing games, reading manga too much as more or less affected me oso...sometimes i really feel that i would like to do shunpo like how those shinigami do in bleach...if thats the case..wads 2.4km man haha...and oso i wanna wield not jus a blade...i wanna learn double blade...high speed fighting...quick reaction...in order to train my body to run faster i PLAN to buy weights to strap onto my ankle and wrist. and starts to walk...then jog...then run...then dash....my plan is simple : pass 2.4 wif weights and you break ur timing when ur running the actual test without those weights haha...ohoh...on a side note...im still very crazy over learning tai-chi, esp those of mt. wudang. and i thnk that by integrating tai-chi wif IpMun's way of boxing...it is possible to whack the shit out of a single person at the same time allowing the person to atk u 1st...
fight hard wif soft
counter the fast wif slow
allow the energy to pass thru you and u-turn back to the opponent...added wif ur own strength
its very much like aikido but tai-chi is a very slow moving type of martial arts...it teaches the concept of peace of mind,body and soul, it requires concentrations and determination...never to fight is the greatest fight of all....ever wonder y i speak so much of it but never join any tai-chi classes? its cos sg's tai-chi dun really teach u tai-chi...i wanna learn tai-chi whereby i can use it for def. not for recreation...and i really wanna test tai-chi out wif aikido....in terms of fatality..aikido is of cos has the upper hand...but in terms of def and reflex...i think tai-chi is superior....when 2 defensive type martial arts fight, who will prevail? i will still support tai-chi
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wanna slp liao...if not tml i sure "die" <3 jubei-chan's main theme nites all ^^
in a quick note : sry, jessi, im really just trying to make u angry...no other intention other than that...if u find me lame...hey...im not the lamerof1989 for nthing ok/? :P
quote of the week : DO NOT love someone else when you cant love yourself, you DON'T DESERVE it
sometimes instead of blogging and writing in a diary...i wanna jus buy a tape recorder...and record my tots and life in it...then in the case where i died...or when im old i will have a collection of "short stories"
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that tot aside...im still addicted to the anime : jubei-chan season 1 and 2(final season)and whenever i see nananoha jiyu's father,nananoha sai(really sometime thinks he is shit) i cant help but think....hey c'mon...ur daughter is going to fight for a greater cause...while u, only a fcking writer that cant do wad ur daughter's 1st request for u(in season 2) the end is really touching...haha...but the best parts that i like abt the anime jubei-chan is the swordfights...and the way the main theme kicks in when jiyu transform into yagyu jubei but then the drawings of the other "less important" character in the story really sux...lol...in season 1 jiyu's dad totally snapped when he knows wads really happening...and try to escape it by saying "its alright...come back to papa...u dun have to do this anymore" my reaction when watching that part is, fck that la...cant u see wads really happening? open ur eyes and look will u...she is fcking fighting an enemy that will cause her life if she loses...u wan ur daughter to break concentration and gt slaughtered? think la...(sudden shifting to other topics) in addition to this anime, i loved the main theme and oso the OST : nagi~peace of mind~.....
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i wonder when will my common test result will be out...im having high expectations....although todae was onli wednesday...but then i wanna know if i had fail any modules...i seriously am not confident abt my engineering material...i rather study and empty my brain juice on math than learn engineering materials...seriously...>.> but then...who ask me to fail that module...gotta retake lor...not that i LIKE retaking ok...I HATE IT......repeating 1 sem is SHIT....its like repeating sec 3....tmd...this sem exam i SWEAR i am going to aim an A if not a B...cb...im not taking a repeat onli to gt a D again...i seem to recall some1 saying abt being a 'fake' yr3 wont noe abt their stress of the 'actual' yr3, hey fck it ok...if i wan to think of it nicely, its jus 3.5 yrs, an extra bloody 6mths...and im alrdy fcking piss abt it liao...
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i feel that i am very kiam pah sometimes....really....i will be frank with all of u here....i can be ur friend for 1 day and turn enemy the nxt day....i wont giv u warning de...if u hit onto my live wire, be prep to gt shock and oso i have sudden mood swing and turn really grumpy...i would feel that u are an irritant if u ask too much, if u act like an idiot too much, if im confuse liao and u add more stress. when im thinking and JUST about to write(i tend to forgt wad im writing if im going to write and some idiot break my concentration)...and when i do that...i will snap back....ppl who try to ask me wads wrong will gt bitten oso...cos i wan to be left alone of awhile...when im alright..i will join u guys again...im sure those who try to ask me wads wrong got the reply" nthing! and dun touch me!" that is my response...i will treat u like no other stranger...when im really moody, touch me and u feel my wrath...and i dun care who it is...in fact my bro has the most exp. (shld i put haha?) then sometimes i will feel like provoking ppl to gt angry...and try to cool them down again...i cant explain my actions for this...(grab attention mayb?hmm...)and sometimes i jus ran out of topic to talk...and u stone i stone...lol...im a loner that wans company but sometimes dun wan any of it....and feel that being alone is much btr...and sometimes tot that having a gf or a wife is a good thing...(i wann make it clear...i do not think gtting a gf is cool, i think gtting a gf is a blessing)sometimes i whld gt attached to some1 and mistake her "guan xing" for affection....thats y...if i cant make out the diff between those 2...its btr to be alone...and oso rmb my quote of the week haha...
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.
.
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.
.
i find that emo songs are nice...dun u think? they have feelings in them...cos the singers really put their heart into it to sing it and thus, u can feel their pain, sadness and helplessness...an easy example will be guang liang's song , tong hua. i let a tear flow out of my eyes when watching that mv.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i truly feel that girls are 'untouchables' this is the 2nd time some girl said "dun touch me!" if its a comics strip, my face will have the stun face and the phrase "dun touch me!"will fill the entire dream bubble. after all, they ARE princesses, there is no hag or witch or anything...there is however bitches...and i am jus a filthy nobody...i do not belong to any1 and no1 belong to me...i can onli watch and play along wif the others.
.
.
.
.
.
tots appear and disappear in my mind everytime....wad was i going to say again?.....oh yea...sometimes playing games, reading manga too much as more or less affected me oso...sometimes i really feel that i would like to do shunpo like how those shinigami do in bleach...if thats the case..wads 2.4km man haha...and oso i wanna wield not jus a blade...i wanna learn double blade...high speed fighting...quick reaction...in order to train my body to run faster i PLAN to buy weights to strap onto my ankle and wrist. and starts to walk...then jog...then run...then dash....my plan is simple : pass 2.4 wif weights and you break ur timing when ur running the actual test without those weights haha...ohoh...on a side note...im still very crazy over learning tai-chi, esp those of mt. wudang. and i thnk that by integrating tai-chi wif IpMun's way of boxing...it is possible to whack the shit out of a single person at the same time allowing the person to atk u 1st...
fight hard wif soft
counter the fast wif slow
allow the energy to pass thru you and u-turn back to the opponent...added wif ur own strength
its very much like aikido but tai-chi is a very slow moving type of martial arts...it teaches the concept of peace of mind,body and soul, it requires concentrations and determination...never to fight is the greatest fight of all....ever wonder y i speak so much of it but never join any tai-chi classes? its cos sg's tai-chi dun really teach u tai-chi...i wanna learn tai-chi whereby i can use it for def. not for recreation...and i really wanna test tai-chi out wif aikido....in terms of fatality..aikido is of cos has the upper hand...but in terms of def and reflex...i think tai-chi is superior....when 2 defensive type martial arts fight, who will prevail? i will still support tai-chi
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wanna slp liao...if not tml i sure "die" <3 jubei-chan's main theme nites all ^^
in a quick note : sry, jessi, im really just trying to make u angry...no other intention other than that...if u find me lame...hey...im not the lamerof1989 for nthing ok/? :P
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
3 papers...2 down 1 more to go...
this week is my common test week, and i only have 3 papers...EM3B, thermodynamics and EMat. and the days are as follows, EM3B : tuesday, thermo : wednesday, EMat : friday....math was ok...i happen to screw up 2 qn...last qn was a gone case qn so i approx. lost 23 marks...so if wad i write is correct...then i will gt 77/100....thats....an A1 leh!!!(self-concoling cos im no longer can get A+..onli A)...as for thermo paper....i can gurantee that i wont fail....but i cant gt full marks either....im banging that i get 80/100 =D todae's paper (thermo) was so easy...i can say for the 1st time i dun have the slightest worry that i will flunk that paper...i onli worried i might not be able to get the grades i wanted....which is A...no less than that...kao...that paper look so easy i actually suspect myself if i gt read the qn wrongly...and the best part is that there is no interpolation which is wad im banging to do and score that dam paper...but then they have to crush my hope to do interpolation and give me shitty and "simple" qn to let me do...i cant believe it...and read and reread, check and recheck...calculate and recalucate...seeing as my ans cant be wrong to me...i hand up...came out of the room wif bloodshot eyes, thats how much i cencentrate during my paper...as for my last EMat paper? aiya..fck it la...i dun feel like studying for it...mayb tml i will take a look at the ppt again....lol...now im blogging away...1day's rest? doesnt sound that bad....but then i dun feel the stress as compare to the sem exam...that one i cant slp...was worried sick that i will fail...and chiong revision after revision...after my common test..imma chiong again...rawr!!! now...after common test...comes another test...traffic police test! yes! its been over afew mths since i failed my TP...and havent been going for my lessons...imma book those lessons again...and this time i will pass it...if not...then suay lor...take again la...xD
Sunday, June 7, 2009
a wk from now...a dear friend of mine will be leaving for her exchange program...well...i will probably miss her during her 5wks of absence *sob* lol...(cut it out hc...u urself know u wont cry...there are not more tears left) i will hold true to my word...i will be there to see u off and to welcome u back....cause i want u to experience the feeling of home and warmth =)
Friday, June 5, 2009
lol...im sitting at makan place blogging away...
as my title said...lol...im blogging away in NP makan place...and stoning until 1pm...by the time i blog finish...shld still have approx. 30mins for me to stone bah...lol...now then...wad shld i blog? hmm...
lets start wif my 1st staff dinner wif TDS staff...lol...its been nearly a year since i have been working...i miss last yr's one cos i was celebrating the end of our last common test paper and the beginning of our 2 wks term break wif my friends at halo bar...kinda sad...but then again i kinda dun regret not going =p...anyway...the dinner was on wednesday...went to holland V to eat...the number if italian restraunts there....hmm...how shld i describe...ah yes...it fill the the whole street of jln mera saga...yes it is that many...but the ambience is really romantic...cos the shops are litted not wif normal electrical lightings but wif candles...theres afew restraunt that have tables specifically meant for couples to have dinner...the meals itself are exquisite but then its also dam expensive...a tiramisu cost 10 bucks in the restraunt i've gone...a simple meal would cost u...approx. not more than 50 bucks...anyway...its a nice place to go and have a date and enjoy the evening ambience. getting back to subject...the meeting time for the dinner was 7pm...i tot i was gonna be late as usual...so after my class ended at around 4.04pm i go back home to change to my outing bag...my good ol' walkman sling bag...look at the bus directories and realise that 106,77 and 61 gt reach holland ave...liddat i shld not have been so blur liao lol...so i reach the place at around...5.45pm..thats...1hr 15mins ahead of schedule...lol...so i walk around cold storage...incidentally...cold storage is oso the meeting place for us...then we go across the street to jln mera saga...so i walk around the place, comb the entire area liao...feel really bored and i wanted to munch on something...so i bought a mouth watering black pepper chicken leg...cost me $4.50....and 1 pckt of biscuit...total cost me abt $5++....then i go and find myself a seat around the housing estates...nb...the smell on the 1st floor freaking stink...finally i sat down on an empty bench and stone there...for 5mins then decide to eat my chicken leg...eat everything i bought le...then i walk around "to digest" wad i had eaten lol...i went to the shopping centre one lvl above cold storage and walk around..then i look at my watch...wah...6.55pm le...ok time to head down to meet up wif the other TDS ppl...saw no 1...then i decide to cross the street...at that moment i saw berwin, celesther , theresa and andrea...oh and not forgtting auntie ruby as well..lol...anyway...went to meet up wif them and we waited out cold storage...as 7pm draws near...more and more ppl turn up....then finally...mel turn up and lead us to the restraunt...da paolo pizza bar...i tink thats the name...lol...so yea...we reach there, take a seat and chatted until the pizza(s) arrive...lol...john was sitting nxt to me...ok 1st thing 1st...im not complaining....lol...john was telling me hw he graduate in something...and he is gonna get a cert...he oso say he will kiss his "girlfriend" and get married...i was like "o~k...thats er...nice...." then i look at celesther...who is apparently listening to him as well...john look at her and said that as well...so celesther said "can...wow...but john...this kind of thing mus be mutual u know..." lol...i think john didnt know wad she meant and cont. to crap to me abt it(like im so interested like that...i jus pretended to be cos i dunwan him to feel left out...it failed though...lol)but he look hurt...so said..."john...this kind of thing ar...if its one sided..best to give up la...u will get nthing in one sided affairs" then he jus look at me...and i dun care liao and turn to chat wif berwin...eh....berwin can talk de hor....very funny oso...after dinner...we separated and go off...and we(the other TDS staffs) went to club...fidah wanted to dance and go high...but then we all dunwan to LOL...she look REALLY SIAN...we play truth or dare and modified to become truth only....all the cheesy qns u can think of la...lol...then she ordered the "sex on the beach" shooters...i drank 1 cup...and felt i drank juice instead...its nthing...not even enuf to make me go tipsy...abts. vodka then will make me tipsy...hear this...tipsy...not drunk..lol...wait...did i mention that afew left soon after we settle down to drink?(celesther, andrea, catherine and sufee went home) then we go coffee bean and settle down to chat...chat abt alot of things la...me and berwin diam diam most of the time...lol...then in the wendy sent us home...reach home at around 12.30am liddat...and then i went back to the usual stuffs...manga..anime...music...msn chattings...and such lol...then went to slp...
ending note: lol...i finish blogging and the time now is exactly 12.30pm so i still have 30mins to stone LOL AHAHAHAHA
lets start wif my 1st staff dinner wif TDS staff...lol...its been nearly a year since i have been working...i miss last yr's one cos i was celebrating the end of our last common test paper and the beginning of our 2 wks term break wif my friends at halo bar...kinda sad...but then again i kinda dun regret not going =p...anyway...the dinner was on wednesday...went to holland V to eat...the number if italian restraunts there....hmm...how shld i describe...ah yes...it fill the the whole street of jln mera saga...yes it is that many...but the ambience is really romantic...cos the shops are litted not wif normal electrical lightings but wif candles...theres afew restraunt that have tables specifically meant for couples to have dinner...the meals itself are exquisite but then its also dam expensive...a tiramisu cost 10 bucks in the restraunt i've gone...a simple meal would cost u...approx. not more than 50 bucks...anyway...its a nice place to go and have a date and enjoy the evening ambience. getting back to subject...the meeting time for the dinner was 7pm...i tot i was gonna be late as usual...so after my class ended at around 4.04pm i go back home to change to my outing bag...my good ol' walkman sling bag...look at the bus directories and realise that 106,77 and 61 gt reach holland ave...liddat i shld not have been so blur liao lol...so i reach the place at around...5.45pm..thats...1hr 15mins ahead of schedule...lol...so i walk around cold storage...incidentally...cold storage is oso the meeting place for us...then we go across the street to jln mera saga...so i walk around the place, comb the entire area liao...feel really bored and i wanted to munch on something...so i bought a mouth watering black pepper chicken leg...cost me $4.50....and 1 pckt of biscuit...total cost me abt $5++....then i go and find myself a seat around the housing estates...nb...the smell on the 1st floor freaking stink...finally i sat down on an empty bench and stone there...for 5mins then decide to eat my chicken leg...eat everything i bought le...then i walk around "to digest" wad i had eaten lol...i went to the shopping centre one lvl above cold storage and walk around..then i look at my watch...wah...6.55pm le...ok time to head down to meet up wif the other TDS ppl...saw no 1...then i decide to cross the street...at that moment i saw berwin, celesther , theresa and andrea...oh and not forgtting auntie ruby as well..lol...anyway...went to meet up wif them and we waited out cold storage...as 7pm draws near...more and more ppl turn up....then finally...mel turn up and lead us to the restraunt...da paolo pizza bar...i tink thats the name...lol...so yea...we reach there, take a seat and chatted until the pizza(s) arrive...lol...john was sitting nxt to me...ok 1st thing 1st...im not complaining....lol...john was telling me hw he graduate in something...and he is gonna get a cert...he oso say he will kiss his "girlfriend" and get married...i was like "o~k...thats er...nice...." then i look at celesther...who is apparently listening to him as well...john look at her and said that as well...so celesther said "can...wow...but john...this kind of thing mus be mutual u know..." lol...i think john didnt know wad she meant and cont. to crap to me abt it(like im so interested like that...i jus pretended to be cos i dunwan him to feel left out...it failed though...lol)but he look hurt...so said..."john...this kind of thing ar...if its one sided..best to give up la...u will get nthing in one sided affairs" then he jus look at me...and i dun care liao and turn to chat wif berwin...eh....berwin can talk de hor....very funny oso...after dinner...we separated and go off...and we(the other TDS staffs) went to club...fidah wanted to dance and go high...but then we all dunwan to LOL...she look REALLY SIAN...we play truth or dare and modified to become truth only....all the cheesy qns u can think of la...lol...then she ordered the "sex on the beach" shooters...i drank 1 cup...and felt i drank juice instead...its nthing...not even enuf to make me go tipsy...abts. vodka then will make me tipsy...hear this...tipsy...not drunk..lol...wait...did i mention that afew left soon after we settle down to drink?(celesther, andrea, catherine and sufee went home) then we go coffee bean and settle down to chat...chat abt alot of things la...me and berwin diam diam most of the time...lol...then in the wendy sent us home...reach home at around 12.30am liddat...and then i went back to the usual stuffs...manga..anime...music...msn chattings...and such lol...then went to slp...
ending note: lol...i finish blogging and the time now is exactly 12.30pm so i still have 30mins to stone LOL AHAHAHAHA
Monday, June 1, 2009
titleless title
im laughing at my own stupidity...to think that ppl around may actually care if i go the extra mile...if i act the idiot...HAHAHAHA....alas...i realise im not acting the idiot...u all are abts. RIGHT I AM THE BLOODY IDIOT.....
hahaha...why have i gotten so emo? ppl may asked...i am jus emo la...simple....and i dun like telling u wad happen oso...not becos i dun trust u, not becos i dun like u but becos i dun feel the need to let u know....i always wanted to say nobody knows wad im feeling right now...thats true cos i never tell any1 wad im really feeling right now.......this post is triggered by something that happen at work...apparently my boss is right...i am like the cow in a china shop....except that i dun dmg the china products...i dmg the ppl in the shop.....reach shop at 1.50pm....when im suppose to be there at 1.30pm....gt a scolding from boss...expected...then while arranging the tubs i accidentally lost balance of the tubs and 1 of the tub fell onto my colleague's leg....open shop....did afew really stupid things that i cant recall...closing shop....nthing reallly happens...when going home...one of the my working colleague who is working todae as his last days...said " in the future how sia....i see no potential ones in the shop leh...all not hardworking one..." i was walking infront of them...as i hear them talk abt the others...i feel left out...really left out...its their world and mine own...we dun talk much oso...i dun really get into serious talking when im working...they are just my working colleagues...nthing more nthing less....get along well wif them to avoid trouble....okok...back to topic...when they talk abt it...i rmb something this working colleague of mine told me earlier that day "eh...philip.....u work u how long le...still dunno?" i felt dumb and retarded...
-another flashback-
boss:"eh.....wad u doing?! 1st time coming to work ar?!"
those are jus pieces of my imcompetence.....i cant rmb things well...i cant do things fast...so wad am i? ans: some1 expendable...i can jus quit todae and tml no 1 will care to ask y haha...some might even say "he shld have left long ago"...u no nd to say...i noe it all...im thinking abt this and that that im mentally exhausted....i dun feel like going to sch liao...jus let me slp...for 15hrs or 1 day...
hahaha...why have i gotten so emo? ppl may asked...i am jus emo la...simple....and i dun like telling u wad happen oso...not becos i dun trust u, not becos i dun like u but becos i dun feel the need to let u know....i always wanted to say nobody knows wad im feeling right now...thats true cos i never tell any1 wad im really feeling right now.......this post is triggered by something that happen at work...apparently my boss is right...i am like the cow in a china shop....except that i dun dmg the china products...i dmg the ppl in the shop.....reach shop at 1.50pm....when im suppose to be there at 1.30pm....gt a scolding from boss...expected...then while arranging the tubs i accidentally lost balance of the tubs and 1 of the tub fell onto my colleague's leg....open shop....did afew really stupid things that i cant recall...closing shop....nthing reallly happens...when going home...one of the my working colleague who is working todae as his last days...said " in the future how sia....i see no potential ones in the shop leh...all not hardworking one..." i was walking infront of them...as i hear them talk abt the others...i feel left out...really left out...its their world and mine own...we dun talk much oso...i dun really get into serious talking when im working...they are just my working colleagues...nthing more nthing less....get along well wif them to avoid trouble....okok...back to topic...when they talk abt it...i rmb something this working colleague of mine told me earlier that day "eh...philip.....u work u how long le...still dunno?" i felt dumb and retarded...
-another flashback-
boss:"eh.....wad u doing?! 1st time coming to work ar?!"
those are jus pieces of my imcompetence.....i cant rmb things well...i cant do things fast...so wad am i? ans: some1 expendable...i can jus quit todae and tml no 1 will care to ask y haha...some might even say "he shld have left long ago"...u no nd to say...i noe it all...im thinking abt this and that that im mentally exhausted....i dun feel like going to sch liao...jus let me slp...for 15hrs or 1 day...
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