self reflection time again

this is a sudden post...i jus suddenly feel this way...i felt it alot of times le...but then always never blog it...so nw im gonna blog on hw i felt....all this happen when i saw my own reflection off a glass panel....

as i stare at the reflection glass panel of another classroom, i saw my own reflection...then i think...
every time i was irritated, angry at some1 becos of his actions and attitude...but....wad makes me so different from them? at that moment...i realise this, i dun like u, u may not like me as well! i could tell from ur eyes that i may or may not like the way i am.

this feeling has once again faded away when i was distracted by other thoughts.....

張學友 - 我真的受傷了

窗外阴天了
音乐低声了
我的心开始想你了
灯光也暗了
音乐低声了
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外阴天了
人是无聊了
我的心开始想你了
电话响起了
你要说话了
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎么你声音变得冷淡了
是你变了
是你变了

灯光熄灭了
音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了
人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了
(music)
电话响起了
你要说话了
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎么你声音变得冷淡了
是你变了
是你变了
灯光熄灭了
音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了
人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了(2x)

lol...this is suppose to my nxt blog song...but then imeem once again dun have the song that was sang by the original artiste...-.- enjoy ppl

你是我最深爱的人

爱上了一个人
能够为她牺牲
就算付出了生命
我甘心为了你

两个人在一起
分享爱的命运
永远都不会忘记
我们生活点滴

你是我最深爱的女人
你有最美丽的嘴唇
你拥有最动人的眼神
你带给我幸福和快乐

我是你最深爱的男人
我的爱绝对是永恒
做什么都值得
爱上了一个人

a very nice song...since i cant find it on imeem i jus i will have to make do wif youtube instead...mv is rather sad though

lol...looks like im getting used to this feeling liao

seems like i developed a weird habit liao....that is i like to talk to girls...i dunno y but i felt more or less at ease or comfortable wif whenever im wif them...like talking and such...mayb they are not really as crude as the guys are...but sometimes i rather talk to them abt my problems than wif guys...its jus a feeling...recently i chat wif another friend from cca, oso a girl...hahaha...and after chatting wif her....i found that she is rather......energetic...yes, she is a very energetic girl...too many personal exp liao wif some1 i met like 2wks ago...haha but she is very kind and hw can i say this...understanding? beside this. i found that she is similar to me, in terms of her life and mine...we talk abt it...realise she is like my mirror...nearly or totally opposite of me...haha....this world has alot of similarity...u jus never knew....

touching on this subject, i reflect on all my friends and hw i get to know them...i realise something very impt. i notice that everytime i look at a crowd...i would pick out all the girls from the guys, then slowly filter out those who are taken, those that look and act like a bitch, and so on and so fore...i would narrow my tgts down to jus afew...and then try to get to know them....no evil intentions was there...jus plain tot of making friends...^^....but then ar...i think la...becos of the way i talk wif them ar...got attract some attention from the guys la...lol...im not suprise if they talk behind my back...lol...but like i said b4...i mayb thinking too much...like like i own a tree but i tot i own a forest...sometimes i make the smallest thing look so big when actually, hey...that not a big deal after all...

some ppl really wear mask when they speak...its not that i cant tell ok? its literally written all over ur face la goddammit...hw do i noe if ur talking abt me or something malicious? eye contact, body language, the way u speak...the tone...everything...basically, ur body language betrays urself...

lastly, this is a messy post again, its made up of things i jus think up in an instant, felt in an instant. so if u dunno wad i meant? if u catch no ball, its ok...nvm de...u dun have to noe the specifics...u jus have to know wad i type is consider english can liao haha...

funny how i talked in the last 3 post as if we have alrdy started when i havent even made the 1st step...wad a failure....like daniel said, "AHAHAHAHAHA...U FAIL MAN!!! FAILLLL!!!"

woke up at around 9am...stone until now...wad she said last night is still fresh in my mind...i felt numb when i saw that...cause...there is no initial revulsion, no sudden sadness, no happiness, i felt no shock...its as if i have predicted that this kind of things will happen...but wad really hurts is that i felt the distance between u and me have become much more further apart. there is nobody fault in this, its all my own fault.

"the greatest distance is not heaven and earth but the person u love is in front of you but she dun realize it"

this line appear to have a very large impact on me...for its true...

*i am a pest that makes ppl around me uncomfortable*

perhaps wad u might be reading now might even make u uncomfortable...i might be writing my life's story in LJ...but nobody will know abt...im jus telling u all...

the qn i havent ask myself for a long long time

do i deserve to love, to have a gf?

ans: no i dun...im a pest...that tries to help ppl but end up troubling them...i shld be killed...

thanks for the things u all have told me the msg is as clear as day.

ok...i get it...im a weird guy, i make ppl around me uncomfortable, i like to be left alone yet yearn for some1 to care for me, i am tired of the restrictions place onto me when im around me, i wan to break free, yet afraid wad might happen, i wan to get close wif girls, but wad will happen if they were to feel uncomfortable...you say im negative to the extreme...but u dunno the guilt i have am carrying now...those mere sentence that u said made me realise hw futile it is to try and get close to u...well..physically...emotional wise...i think i still have a long way to go...u had a fever, i was worried abt u...but i dunwan to make it so obvious...i realise that u shld have known by now that i like u le...after reading his post, but then wad u said really stabbed me, mayb i shld not have been like this after all, the barrier i felt that was once gone had gone back up again and this time, its reinforced. u said i am negative, but after wad u said, i realise im a very dangerous guy...u ask me y...since so many ppl say im weird but i did not change? cos i dun wan to...i tried changing but found that its not the real me, i still feel the barrier that surrounds u all whenever i talk to ppl(jus girls alone), i felt chained...i felt restricted...everytime i see other ppl do things...i think to myself, y i cant do the same? they are the same as me, human. they are not of special breed...but y can they do it but i cant? then...it is then...i found out abt the instant barrier thats build up. the way i talk, the way i act, the way i portray myself....all leads u all feeling uncomfortable...hey...u know wad...wad kl say is correct, i AM an idiot...an idiot to not know all these facts until now....i dun deserve any1...i shld be left alone...if i make other ppl uncomfortable then shut me from the rest of the population....
i....i...really cant be trusted...im the worst...yes...u make the right decision...

-as he kneel down above the spotlight in the midst of pure darkness...his only souce of light is yet again disappearing, he was sad, but he has no more tears left, therefore he gets back up and walk towards the enternal darkness in loniness for which he knew he would be alone for dunno how long-

pls stay clear of me, im a dangerous guy

u ask me y i did not change the way i am...for this i wanna reply, if i change will u accept my love to you? dun think u will accept anway...since u have given ur heart to another guy...there is no use having the body if u din capture the heart. it seems wad seem to be a rather easy task for a regular guy is a near impossible task to me...i may b negative really negative, but i dunwan to lose hope...i was tot that u will be telling me that u dun really hit off the bat wif me...i was expecting a full stop. but there wasnt...right now im more concern that u have alrdy set up a barrier against me, really...somehow i feel sad but as i have say it , i will say it again, stay 5m clearance away from me. u can treat me as the typeA H1N1 disease...

jus stay away...thats right...im slowly getting a phobia of girls....im fighting it...wif all my might...but they seems to be winning....my patience is dwindling everyday...

updates!~!!!

harlo everyone...sry for not posting regularly these few days(though i think u guys shld be used to it by now haha)but im kinda busy , if not..jus plain lazy to blog haha...so yea...where shall i begin...lets start from the 1st day of sch shall we?

20/4/09

sch reopens that day...cca fiesta starts on that day as well...and my timetable totally suck...or shld i say slack...? anyway...i go help out in npsc booth during cca fiesta...their replica of the air rifle is worth commenting cos it really looks like a replica...haha...by the end of 1/2 the day, we have reach our quota le...went for my practical lessson...as its the 1st lesson nia. its jus briefing, so i go there waste time abit then go back to convention centre le...then after 5pm we close shop and have a debrief....tiring....but fun...

21/4/09

2nd day of sch...i did not notice that the onli lesson i had for tuesday is on an even week....so in fact i dun even nd to come to sch...i jus come to help out in npsc and buddist society booth nia...then at the end of the day, collate the total number of ppl joined wif sebas...and we can start the ball rolling for the the upcoming camp.

22/4/09

3rd day of lesson....its really boring studying all repeat modules again...seeing the same lecturer learning or shld i say revising the same thing...now wad i wan is to get an A for these modules and gt a nice gpa for once...>.>