tiring worklife

by tml, i would have finish writing a feedback email back to ns section.
whatever happened today with the appointments, i've had enough.
today kena screwed by MO for appointments for at least 15mins to 30mins. literally had the life sucked out of me.
yesterday also the same...i hate it whenever someone just dunwan to move and make things difficult for us.
after that i take it out onto the problems with my senior medic. explaining the situation to him.



its been a difficult everyday battle in admin counter. dealing with impatient personnels is one thing, dealing with that fucked up NS section from HRMC is another.

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nowadays i get tired really easily...i know i nd rest but i also know i nd to do alot of other things...but sometimes...afternoon naps are just irresistible haha.

again, my birthday is coming again and this time i will be 23 le....time really fly. but then again, that day i wonder will i get anything that will really surprise me? i dunno, and doesnt expect much anymore.

random entry + abit of inner thoughts of a certain someone

nothing better to do tonight. might as well blog something before i go to slp.

if i were to give myself a diagnosis as per clinical entry format. this is what it would roughly look like lol>>>

NKDA
currently well
had previous episodes of emoness
had regular recurrent memory flashbacks
has not seek any psychologist advise
claims to be normal on the outside but inner thoughts shows otherwise
has no suicidal/self harm thoughts
has no malicious intent on others unless provoked
intents to ORD in peace
make as many friends as possible

heart: s1s2
lungs: clear
tonsils not enlarged
bloodshot eyes
left right cornea normal
normal ECG

c/o:
emptiness in soul

o/e:
sad individual
low self esteem
pride damaged

plan:
recommend psy treatment
excuse duties for 3month
recommend MBIA for temp downgrade to PES E
recommend to find girlfriend during this period

pt refuse psy treatment
said that he can cope with current situation
delighted to have 3month downgrade

-------------------''----------------------------''----------------''-------------

ah well...its a load of crap anyway.
everything here revolves around money.
no money cant do anything
they say money cant buy u happiness. thats bullshit
money is a critical factor to gain happiness
cos u need money to produce the happiness u wanted.
i want a house i need : money
i want to decorate my new home : money
so...money is still a critical factor.

gender equality? fuck this shit

read another case of teachers being blamed for being insensitive and unprofessional. and guess who is the one complaining? A FEMALE Student! of all the articles that i've read nearly all of those are complained by girls...teachers are also human, true, he may have said some rude remarks, but wad contributed him to say all those things? from MY point of view, both sides are in the wrong but i feel that the girl also need to reflect on her actions also. if its not for the fact that she said something offensive to the teacher, the teacher also wont retaliate back. its a pride thing. i call u a homo for no reason u think will you feel happy? same logic. then the media instead of balancing out both sides, instead stated that the girl said those pride damaging words "in jest". and that the teacher is in the wrong and show past articles on cases of teachers gone bad.

but hey i do the same thing to you lor! oh wait, i forgt, ur a girl, therefore u cant be wrong, u are just not sensitive to others and so just blurt it out in heat of the moment. therefore i am wrong because i retaliated and it caused damage to ur low self-esteem. PATHETIC!

the sister also question MOE how they choose their teachers. i on the other hand want to question that SISTER " instead of questioning the MOE, why dont you question ur sister also? ask her how come she can just pass snide remarks such as the words he said? sure, he use the the "fuck" so? does replacing it with "screw" makes the sentence any better? im sorry but the way i see it, you are just offended by the teacher who is an educator, role model...etc etc. but i want to remind you that he is still after all, a human being. and human being have feelings and pride. so do yourself a favour and reflect on this if you get it. good if not, then put yourself in our shoe, put yourself in the shoes of a guy who is an educator as well. there are some things we can swallow our pride and some things we couldn't . placing the blame all on the teacher is just too unfair to him. at least thats my point of view.

gender equality? screw this shit. there is no such thing as equality to begin with. nature make sure we are different. we have different physiques. there are things we can do and cannot do.

girls accidentally touch a guy and if we said "molest" we are branded as pussy and "wad the hell, she touch u leh! be happy instead can?"

a boy accidentally touch a girl and if she shout molest, the boy i can guarantee you. gone fuck le. even if he is innocent, he will be branded as a molester in the eyes of the public. no one will take pity on the guy. the guy is expected to pick himself up and suck it up.

i have no issues with girls in general, im just infuriated and fed up by on and on reports of guys being scrutinize here.

call me sexist but sometimes i feel that in most of the news reports, with the exception of rapes and obvious outrage of modesty the rest of the "crimes" shows that no doubt the guy is also wrong but he is also the victim.

i will be blunt about this : most girls in Singapore are spoilt.
girls in s'pore are too well protected to the point that they abuse the system.
all they need to do is just escalate her "cause of unjust" and everything will be solved.
in fact, the moment they reach the media, the guy lose liao...even if its a minor case of argument. the article will most likely be : " couple argues over _______, BOYFRIEND "shouted" loudly...etc etc"

i hate it whenever they say things like " the guy should have done this and do that" the fuck, WHY??! ISSIT BECAUSE OF THE SOLE FACT THAT HE IS A GOD DAMNED MALE? THAT'S WHY HE NEEDS TO DO THAT? IF THAT'S THE CASE THEN FEMALES SHOULD JUST FUCKING STAY IN THE KITCHEN! WHY? BECAUSE FUCK YOU THATS WHY! DONT ASK WHY WHEN U DEMAND THINGS TO BE DONE SOLELY BECAUSE YOU ARE A MALE/ FEMALE.

and they got the cheek to say " u sexist! i dont belong to the kitchen" yea well " neither am i ur bitch, so quit telling me to help you just because you are a girl" u want equality? god gave us hands and legs, i see u got that as well. so fucking use it" i am helping you because its my own goodwill. help do not need reason, u need help i help not because i am a guy and so its only right i help. and so you jus concentrate on ur shopping and me carrying ur bags. no fuck you. im not your bitch nor slave. get this right, i can always jus drop ur bags and just fuck off if u piss me off. the only reason why guys dun do that is because of public image. we THINK before we act. because if we dun and kick up a big fuss. WE are in trouble NOT you. you will become the victim and guy will get it from the public. the girl dun even need to do anything. and they wont even bother to ask how come the guy will explode with rage. ending with the absolute verdict "the guy is at fault"

been feeling rather empty up till now, i realise. i dun have much time left! in just a flash im alrdy 22 and nxt yr feb i will be 23! im alrdy taking my 1st step on the middle age phase. this is the 1st time i truly felt old...not to mention pathetic. the mere number 23 sound like the age where i shld be making money like no tml. striving to earn a stable income and sustain a family but no...im still in NS, pondering what to do with my future.

so many expectations to meet. so many conditions to fulfill.
giving up my dream to meet up with the current reality.
call my determination half fucked. YEA AND SO?
i lack neither time nor requirement for it.
i lack money to pursue
i lack time to find a job and earn an income big enough to support

and thinking of "i lack this and that" really irritates me to no end.
but then time wont jus take pity on me and stop so that i can catch up
can tell u this>
-i can a car but gt no license
but to get a license i nd to pass my TP test which in turn needed money as well
-i hope to get a girlfriend someday
but again, when i look at myself i lack qualities and again, money to take care of her

and when i cannot fulfill this monetary requirement i can never get what i wanted

and i know playing games at the arcade is wasting money but i too, need a place to relieve my stress. the only place i can find momentarily joy in my life.

i envy those around who are cuddle up with my loved ones
x'mas day isn't a special day to me. its just a holiday
CNY is the time ppl around me ask me about my r/s status
valentine day is jus a day to get chocolate...if i ever get one

i have inevitably walled up myself again...facing the crowd with skin-surface joy
i need a hug, someone to tell me "its ok, you can do it"
yet im picky, and dunwan to feel that your just being sympathetic to me.
i dunwan ur sympathy, its not wad i want.
i just want the kind of care and concern guy friends cant give


wad the fuck....

problems of me going out

what can i say....if there is nthing to talk about....there really is NOTHING to talk about...unless of cos u dun mind i spout random nonsense...which then again i dun like the fact that u jus listen and respond wif "orh, yea, hmm,ok" which makes me feel uncomfortable...to break down awkwardness only to have to rebuilt it with extra layers isn't my plan but then if we do arrive to the end of conversation what to u suggest we do?" if keeping silent is taboo when going out(though i think it is) then rest assured that im racking my brains on what kind of conversation shld i make to break down the awkward silence again...i do hope however that u are thinking the same thing as i am when we are in this kind of situation. i can be random but random topics are always short and the awkwardness will rise again even worst still, if my random topics backfired on me...i try talking about my past experience but then again thought u might not be interested and that i also feel that i shouldn't expose so much about myself to you so that you wont lose any interest in me...it would be so much easier if i can be just be myself...but then again how would you depict that side of me?

though i can be random, but then there will always be this topic i have in mind and its always the wrong topic to talk about. For example...since im in the army and being a medic, i do have stories of Emergency cases and wad happen and so on and so forth but then you(or them) might not be interested at all! for that though, i can understand. i mean not everyone is comfortable to the thought of needle poking and stories of resuscitation and sending casualties to the hospital. which is why i 1st try to tell stories then see the reaction...if the reaction is not good then i shut up and it le..though i very much wanna share it out...but the thought of ppl being forced to hear wad i wanna say jus irks me. thats why i chose to diam diam....but thats the problem cos i only gt that to share....and comes to think of it, though i have cases i can share. but those are also short stories too....so in a matter of minutes my 'topic of conversation' ended again. and so i revert back to my usual listening ear personality...cause i really dun mind hearing ur problems. im like a bottomless abyss for ppl's problems. i dunno why i like to hear ppl's frustrations...not that it makes me happy, but its like its good to hear ur problems and understand more of life bah..

so...how can i survive a date like that?

beginning my life as a medic

its been some time since i pass out as a combat medic...at 1st i feel abit disappointed by my new found vocation. since i hated going to the medical center since the start of BMT...i never once thought that i will be working in one till i ORD...i rmb i said something like this " last time i hate to go to the medical center, now i have to report there everyday" i realise that the medics i see at tekong, no doubt they are fucked up in the eyes of others. but i wonder do the other recruits know the responsibility those medics have if ever one recruit faints?

"we are those that stand in the middle of life and death.
Making a difference, saving a life."

this is wad i posted in my facebook, i had a new found inspiration in my vocation because of what i learn in SMTI...that being medics may be slack...but we carry the unseen responsibility to treat the fallen...

life is fragile

today is national day!

and so...today is national day again...and i might say...this year's fireworks display is btr than last yr.

but besides that...alot of things happen this few weeks...makes me ponder...i read alot of people's comment saying and asking why must they serve NS? well...to me serving NS means protecting my homeland. it doesnt matter if the people in my homeland is fcked up...wad matters is that the country that im born in, stays safe. other people nowadays serve NS for the sole fact that they NEED to go NS....some wants to protect the people...but are disappointed by how the citizens look at them and thus, give up that thought of motivation. i am loyal to singapore, to my country. this is something i said to myself since i was a child...national day songs give pride to me being a singaporean. though now with the influx of FTs in singapore...i hope that those locally born singaporeans will not forgt and forsake their homeland jus becos there has been an increase in foreign workers.