the 3rd day and other things that drive me crazy

Day 3,
Woke up by alarm clock at arnd 7am…check my lappy to find that I finish torrenting jay chou’s album and so I continue my usual routine and reading manga and listening to music….at abt 8.30 I prepare to go out and meet my friends but I suddenly gt stomachache and had no choice but to do big business…haiz…then I rush to meet my friend to eat breakfast b4 going to our cca and after our cca….i go my friend hse play DOTA …we pia 2 sets of game b4 taking a break watching and reading manga…lol..my favorite past-time and play another 2 sets of game b4 I go my relative hse to eat dinner…ha…oh yea….todae i sms her again wad was the her ans…this is how it goes:
(afew days ago…)
Xm: hi…sry to disturb u but im jus telling u that mr chia’s x’mas church service will be held on both morning and afternoon session…..bla…bla…bla…
Me: ok…so er…wanna go together? I mean I dun like to go to church alone…
(then after several mins have pass…)
Me: well, im SORRY to have BOTHER U then bt at the very least reply bck? Dun make me feel like an idiot waiting for ur reply, PRINCESS
Xm: sry abt that , I was taking a bath…I b going for the 1st session
Me: (repeat request…heck care of her reasons)
Xm: I see how 1st...
Me: ok then I await your answer
(todae, the day b4 the church service)
Me: so...may I have ur ans?
Xm: I b going alone
Me: right, see you tml then
Xm: you sound very unhappy as can be seen from ur previous….did I offend you?
Me: no…this is my usual expression…(later another msg)…its jus that I lose the blessing to smile that’s all
(-ideal answers-)
Me: I wonder….(ideal)
Or
Me: u have offended me right from the time when u give me that letter, u wanna noe wad happen to that letter? I burnt it to ashes…wan me to do the same to you? (anger based)
Or
Me: wad makes you think u have offended me? ( to keep on the conversation)

I have known her enough to noe that she wont reply me unless I prompt her…and if its other answer of acceptance I can understand and comply but if u say cannot…then please…PLEASE…ok..i BEG U …reply me earlier so that I dun have to waste another sms…i cant take back the things that I said and will be prepared to accept wad it was tml…but I dun like last min. things…so if u wanna go alone or wadeva bullshit excuse u came up wif…I wan to hear it at least 2 days b4 the event
This reply from her is very disturbing as I dunno whether to gt angry or to continue to talk…but its true…she is the one that wants to end it and after the incident…its either me or her will initiate the break…but wadeva the reasons…wad i said to her is still true…once u giv ur love to someone u cant gt them back…I wish her well but oso at the same time curse her for initiating at such a bad time…
If she was reading this blog right nw…I wan to make this clear:
I GO TO MR CHIA CHURCH SOLELY BECAUSE OF HONOURING MY PROMISE TO YOU THAT I WILL GO AGAIN ….DUN THINK THAT JUS BECAUSE YOU RETURN ME THE MONEY U BORROW FROM ME AND TAKE BCK THE THINGS THAT U LEFT AT MY PLACE U CAN CONSIDER URSELF CLEAR OF DEBT…LET ME TELL U STRAIGHT…U MAY HAVE TAKEN BACK THE PHYSICAL PROPERTIES BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RETURN THE REN QING U OWE ME…
Let me tell u something…u have never seen me shooting other people..esp girls…and only you that I hold back completely…I dun intend to do that anymore so this is my advice to you : WATCH WAD U SAY TO ME…I may speak little but if u force me I will make u pay…psychologically….

Phew…now that I having finish shouting my problems out…I nw feel somewhat relieve le…I will be wearing formal to the event tml…there is a reason I choose morning session is becos…1st , I am wif her…whether I like it or not…2nd, its btr to fnish it in the morning than at night…3rd , basically jus cos im bored…
Its like wad my msn nickname is “to be happy is a blessing, to be sad to part of life, to be angry is normal, but to said 1st time successes…that’s ridiculous…”[I have lose my blessing to smile ever since u left me…]
I took wad I write seriously , and wad I write correspond directly to my feelings..maybe that’s y I did not go crazy…I gt a device for sharing my thoughts and I gt afew trusted friends whom I can share my problems to…I hope my judgement is right abt them.


Oh yea..in another side note…I think im dying…haha….the illness will probably be stomach cancer…if not , then it’s a slow death of dibetes or I jus think too much…haha…hope at the end of my life…I can go with a smile on my face….like this : |-)…or X-)

2nd day alone begins wif....

todae is the 2nd day of alone...lol...finally...updating everyday huh...lol...hacent done my hmwk yet...all is in the internet...practically forgtten abt it till my friend msn me and ask hw to do...haiz...dunno hw the ct went...hope i pass bah...but in any case...my food marathon ended todae not because i finish the whole thing...crazy ar...but the food could not survive any longer so i put it where it belong = the trash bag...lol..

haha...i was reading the manga "suzuka" since ysterday and it greatly reminds me of my r/s...which did not go so well....and she make sure she wasn't blame for the actions she had taken that would affect me and drop me a bomb on the very few days before common test...haha...cruel isn't it...but i have gotten over nw...wadeva memories we had in the past have become bitter and every now and then i will have those flashbacks...and i knock myself in the head to wake up...sometimes in public too....haiz...i wish it would stop..if only i could control...i shant continue more of the manga if u wan u go read lor...none of my business...haha...well..nights then tml i may update again...till then cya

signing off:
[L-@-M-E-R]

to time of hari raya haji

lol...this early post in the day...isn't normal for me bah...xD haha...but todae is the start of my 6 days of home alone...haha...

day 1:
woke up at abt 10am+ to find that its raining...i quickly went to clse the kitchen window to stop the rain from coming in...heng ar...todae's rain is not that heavy...then i prepare breakfast...steamed mantou...haha...but i havent finish my breakfast my malay neghbour knock on my door and present me wif food, i was puzzled at 1st...then rmb...HARI RAYA HAJI....lol XD...but the food they gave me was for 4 person de...and as of now..i am 1 person...so...2dae's mission: clear the 4 person value meal b4 tml XD...heres some pic of the food...yum?



this 4 plates is only the pei liao...the full course i havent show u yet...



this...is the full course...notice the 2 plates of fried rice...how the heck am i gonna finish sia....xD X_X

if u dun believe me...heres a pic of the fried rice up close :



see? wtf...i think the ants whld take abt 3mins(estimated time frame for ants 3mins = 3mths)

haha...but then on the plus side...theres chicken! :D



hmm....rendang...wow...

so...todae i can save alot of money liao...esp food wise :D

todae is the start of...home alone? LOL

todae...my family go hong kong for holiday...i did not go cos i said i may have projects...a miscalculation for me...ah well...life
's like that...hope they are enjoying right nw...wake up at the same time as them and go with them to the airport to send them off the plane...it was a strange feeling when im at the departure hall's entrance...a feeling of relieve and...i dunno hw to said this in terms of words but it feels different. i watch them from the glass wall as they check in through the departure hall, and watch them go till they are out of my view, then i figure i shld go to the viewing hall to see their plane fly...but i cant find their gate so...oh well...i gave up and went home...quite uneventful during the returning home process except that meng jio me to watch the movie "warlords" with him and vince...not a bad show actually...didnt manage to make me slp but manage to make my eyes grow red with tiredness...scared myself when i look at the mirror in the toilet...haha...in any case...todae is the 1st day of me being all alone at night....lets see how i shld spent it :D

kz...nw i think i need to slp le...my body de auto alarm clock ask me to slp le...lol...hope i be happy always... :D

signing off,
[L-@-M-E-R]

about my msn thing

this is a thing that i wan to add , and its that i have , like all of u , classify alot of different groups for our msn contacts and jsu to let u noe...i have a group name eternal prison. as the name implies, once i put u there there is no way im letting u out again...its not as if i am imprisoning u all...lol...jus that the ppl that i classify in that group are those i dun or cant forgive easily, those who have hurt me either physically or psychologically , those whom i did not authorized to add me and those whom really pissed me off.

dun worry, as of now, there is only 2 ppl in it so as u can see, out of the 50+ ppl in my msn , there is only 2 ppl in my blacklist so im not pian tai...lol...oh yea...and to add the realism i blk them

this post has no hidden meaning whatsoever,jus a little intro in my friend grouping...

i need a long break...........

its been a long time since i have written a post in my blog...alot of things have happen the past few days and im now really demoralized...and its around the common test period too....talk abt bad luck huh...but then life must still go on....though these few weeks are tiring...and though my goal and aim have been destroyed...i am still living...living to pick up the broken pieces of my aim and goal and piece it back together....i cant talk abt my problems here cos its relatively unsafe to let out...hope u dun mind...but i create this blog so that i can relief some of my burden on the net whether i gt flamed or not i dun care, u wan to read, dun be offensive ; if u dun wan to read...then dun read and surf other urls pls...

anyway , todae i have engineering mechanics test...kao the paper half the qn i noe but forgt hw to do...liao lor...then theres a part on tension where i miss 1 final crucial step to obtain...wah...regret...i think i can pass this paper la...dunwan take remedial classes during the holidays. :D tml is my engineering math ...hope i understand wad the topic is....cos i think i am losing touch with differentiation...help...haha...haiz...after tml there is still the last paper of ael...analog electronics...haiz...i may understand wad the tcher is trying to say but i cant apply it leh...it jus blurs me...haiz...

nothing eventful happen ysterday except it rain all day...wth...gloomy weather...its starting to get me down...

gloomy weather = bad omen = confidence drop = no mood go take exam = sure fail xD

last sat i go bck to school to study with my friends....was late for nearly an hr...ok...i confess, it was deliberate. but i took a cab down anyway...and we study till abt 12.30 when we end our studying and eat lunch together...the carrot cake stall fuck up our order when me and yj were discussing whether we wan black of white de...they say no black so i said nvm...then he go convey the order , but the man blur and tot he said cancel order...in the end , i go call satay beehoon and bck and the carrot cake still havent arrive...sad case...yj go ask the stall and he gt a shock that he tot we cancel our order..lol...funny sia...then after lunch we part ways...meet meng at the bus-stop(i forgt the place of it le...psps..) then we board the 174 to jurong point....cos i said i wan to play something and relief....my problems...there can be no way for me to talk of such things. i can only release it by playing and relaxing my brain...i have since felt better and wanna thank him for the company he provided. then we go tour jurong point...lol...popular took over the liberty supermarket and nw its a WHOLE lot bigger than b4...lol...then on our way home, we met our secondary school teacher, ms chew! yea...wad a coincidence , she was looking at interior designs for her new house(she is getting married,see) and she is oso one of those whom i have told my problems wif...an adult always helps...but i dunno y...i cant trust ppl that easily...one of my classmates once told me,"hey, u dun trust anyone right?,u jus trust urself"...now that i think of it..yea its kinda true...i may be able to look as if i trust u but in reality...i dun give a shit...those ppl who say that they noe me in like 3 mths is bull...i dun trust a person unless i am with contact with him/her for more than 1-2 years. and the lvl of trust i shown is different too, some i may trust them in terms of promises , others , mayb money, but in terms of private matters, i only tell those whom i really trust with, whom i 100% noe wont betray me unless i betray myself, and those are wad i may call true friends,though the phrase, "a true friend walks in when the whole world walks out" .

right now i am alone...though i have afew trusted friends to get along with...i find that i cant talk that much le...tires the mouth...lol...ever since she break with me, im alone , and i find that being alone is wad i mus do now cos r/s may be too much a thing for me le....i understand that im not that strong in all aspect...i cant protect , i cant safe, i can only destroy...but its not that i wan to destroy...things....happen and they jus dun turn out the way i wanted...or u all wanted....funny...now that i think of it...being heartless isn't a bad thing after all, being cold,u will be numb to anger n sadness. the only thing u feel once in a while is happiness, but the condition is that when u master this skill, the smile that u once knew and have may be gone forever. mayb im on the 2nd phase cos i cant bring myself to smile anymore....i wan to be the true me where i can do wadeva i wan without restriction , no 1 to nag or to gt angry with...1 might say im being oblivious to other ppl feelings, that might be true cos for the past 18 years of my life, the more i care abt other ppl's feeling,the more hurt i get and so i learn my lesson le....no more caring for other ppl....i mayb able to help out in solving ur problems but expect me to be cold and ruthless on certain consequences.

sorry that my posts are bit messy, cos i sometimes have different topic to say all at once...lol...psps... ;D

a fraustrating day todae

wtf~! im soo angry~! ARGH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!our autoCAD teacher jus say that our class is the worst class that he have ever though....actually i agreed la...but then wad he said is saying that none of this class is gg to make it..which saddens and make me angry...wads more...he told me and 2 others that if we do not improve...we whld be in his black list...but..wtf can we do? our coms giv us the fatal error sign and auto shut down the program , hw u expect us to do sia.....WTF LOR.........im angry.....and 2dae during my practical..i was doing turning...ok la...can say esy...but i gt myself cut....and heres the thing...i gt cut wifout even starting....-.-...then i go canteen eat my finger was scalded by the hot pan....tok abt suayness...

rain...rain....rain....

counting today....this is the 3rd consecutive days to rain...and im lucky that i have not been stuck at a traffic jam..or else..i will realli sian 1/2 . jus a few days ago......nw is not really the time for me to update so i will write a brief one and hope to continue nxt time....anyway...todae have nthing special to tell to the whole world only that today's math test/quiz was easy..realli...(yawn)...k...i cant take it le..nd to slp liao...till nxt time....


signing off :
the lamer of 1989 [L-@-M-E-R]

a tiring 2 days

both days that i did not update is not becos i have nthing to tell u but its becos im too tired to write liao....even right now...tml i have a big day...well...but i have been wanting to write this for awhile le...i found this phrase interesting :"one man's for himself" dunno whether if its true anot but then...i like it...as it means you are alone in this world...the world we live in is a cruel and realistic world no such thing as a 2nd chance no such thing as giving u leeway...and u are alone...I am alone...in this realistic world...from my point of view, there is no such thing as best of friends to the extent of brotherhood. ppl guide u but nt help u...and i uphold the basic spy principle. nver trust anyone/anything either in games or real word...scary...

shall stop here foer today and cont. when i have time?

signing off:the lamer of 1989, [L-@-M-E-R]

a simple brain test....

i was reading other ppl de blog when i came across this test which reminds me of a brain test by my lecturers :

the following test is test to let u noe whether u use ur left or right brain...

heres the test :

1.hold ur hands together, as if u are praying. look at ur hands, if u see

left thumb is below the right thumb~~~~~> left brain
right thumb is below the left thumb~~~~~> right brain

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~OR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2. fold ur arms in front of u (as if u are angry)

right arm above left arm~~~~~~> left brain
left arm above right arm~~~~~~> right brain

base on 1+2(order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

right-left :
considerate, traditional ,indirect type can instinctively read other's emotion, and respond friendly by natures.Although not very into taking initiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others.Stable personality and considerate, give others a being protected feeling.But the weakness is they cannot say no;regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

right-right :
loves challenges type straightforward.once they decided on one thing, will take action right away.Very curious and loves challenges.Dare to face dangers without thinking through(sometimes foolishly). their weakness is that they dun listen to others,will filter in only what they want to hear in a conversation, and very subjective.However,because of their straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.

left-left :
Dedicated,cold,perfectionist , Very logical in all aspects. the only way to defeat(or win over)him/her is through reasons.Has alot of prides, and feeling strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are trustworthy.However,if they are your opponents, they will be very though to deal with.Because they can be very 'anal' as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with on first met.

left-right :
likes to take care of others,leader type.Has a cool and keen obvervation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs.Because of their cool and clam nature, and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become the head of a group.Popular among people.However,they may be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care ofothers too much.Very concernabout how people view them, and always on alert

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

those who have view my blog pls write which brain u use left or right can if u wan to jiao wif me...write no brain oso can :P for your info...i figure that im of the left-left type so im kinda left brained...which means my right brain is still fresh?


haha...did not like the last thing it say abt bad impression but overall its kinda accurate cos...yea....i can be cold...not the cold u gt on a rainy day or when the temperature drops wad my coldness means of my eagerness to convers wif u...when im cold(wu qing) i will shoot people right in the face for all i care...when i snapped, i dun care if u are a girl/boy/lesbo/gay or anything...including insects..yes..curse me for all i care...so...im pleaing to you all that know me not to provoke to the extreme..espacially with matters regarding relationships...i am particularly sensitive to that topic...dun insult /said bad things or joke about anything concerning me and my girl OR ELSE....

but i dun wan to get physical...nver realli did believe in that stuff..thats y im training my mouth to shoot and shoot wif logic, and with style(pure xia-laness :P)
can be lame at times(though most of the time) but wad i said have all been through my brain scan 1st b4 exiting through my mouth...therefore sometimes i can talk 1/2 way and stop to correct or jus fumbled...disagreeing with logic...

another normal day....

today gt up at arnd 8.30am...nice to noe that it stopped raining...but din go gym cos...i was slping? and so i continue my daily routine...brush teeth..etc...and pack up for sch nw making sure i had my laptop wif me...after yst incident...math lesson was uneventful except that the lecturer misplace his txt. bk...lol everyone had their bad days...i had it too..most of the time...can sort of say im numb to its effects liao...and so morning was passed without much thing to say or add abt...then came lunch...we ate at SIM aka canteen 5 i order char kuay tiao...nt bad...no hum..gt replace by prawns..nice..i nver liked hums/cockles..oso forgtten when i started hating eating cockles...since pri 5 i suppose...since then i hate eating hums or any shelled seafood except for crab,prawns,lobster and scallop hehe im an expensive eater...can clear out a complete set of crab( if possible i wanna try sri lankan and Alaskan king crab then i solo the crab for u to see :P)anyway...after lunch i saw some ppl from SIM dressing in howlloween costumes 1 of them dress as a western death god...i sid to my friend..."thats so fake u wan giv me a robe wif a longer hood and gt me a scythe, then i will wear it without any complains :D" yea...well...in anime point of view i whld prefer a zampaktou... :P but heck after that amusement was over and was bck to study and practical which is electrical(again) and i saw breadboard and oscillioscope i sian 1/2 liao....total S-I-A-N sia...haiz...after that we had early release by our tcher and so me and my friend took this opportunities to chiong autoCad i gt problems loading sia...wtf lor...then sian..but manage to complete it within 15mins then we rush to our final lesson engineering mechanics...the lecturer was very guai lan 1 talk alot abt dip holders hard to find job and like to use sarcastic remarks not to us but the whole class most of the time..lol...there was one phrase which he likes to repeat which always makes the class wakes up and pay attention...wads his phrase? ~~>"lecturers are paid to teach you , but not to let you understand" which simply means he will jus teach wad he is meant to teach and nthing more nthing less...and screen through the ppt slides like a rollerblade...fast...nearly cant catch up...then after sch(finally!) stay bck at library to do finish my autoCAD so as to prove the god-damned lecturer wrng...wrng to say that i cant catch up...and after doing finish the CAD exercises and pass it up through the internet..i went home...took 985 and during the journey home im still worried abt the engineering mechanics and so i took out my txt. book and started revising...all the way till i reach my destination...then went home...gt a suprising news that my bro who is in NA(tech) was promoted to NA(acad) it was a great news to us well...im bad at praising and so the only thing i could say is "congrats~!" failed as an older brother huh...cant even give praises to my bro...haiz...i was the direct opp. of my bro...he is a pro at praising ppl while i dun...everytime my mum cook something nice i cant bring myself to say it was delicious! all i do was to keep my mouth shut and say nthing...when my mum ask y i did nt praise like my bro did i said "if i did not complain, then its delicious /acceptable" so there isn't much to comment abt unless the dish is my favourite or its exceptionally delicious...haiz...sua...dun wan to talk too much abt it...anyway after dinner i went to do my MOL(math on-line) and finally finished the topic 40mins ago...thinking of playing maple but then gotta slp and since i wanna update regularly i here writing...


hope tml wont be too boring...as tml onli gt 2 modules...eg 2 and AEL , both lectures and so i hope tml i wont fall aslp...but then mus depend de...if i ever gt bored i can always look at her in my hp as her smile is like an exilir to me..makes me feel...happy...nt bored..though she is not there in person...her pic and memories of her will always be in my heart...<3

kz....c wads new tml then so till the nxt update nightz ;)

signing off:
the lamer of year 1989,[L-@-M-E-R]

wad a day

today have been well...tiring...and i mus hav gt on the wrng side of the bed cos i did nt bring my laptop!! damned...cos i gt my info wrng anf thought that today no nd lappy...a mistake and the lecturer very kiang told me that it will be very hard to catch up...F him la...i loan from my friend de lappy and do cos he say let me do while he slps...ok lor...lol...then its like tml or shld i say later today i go sch setup the harddisk network...simple task...cant catch up? try me..lai...then after this was my ael lesson..the tutorial was...well...short and sweet...much to my delight...then we have lunch break and u wont believe the queue in canteen 2 took me abt 10mins to gt myself a bowl of mince meat noodle/meepok i buy from that stall nt becos the food is nice but becos the queue there is more decent...the rest could actually giv me no appetite to eat cos....eat wad?! jus imagine...u gt a miserable 1hr break....then u hav to travel for 5mins then find place for another 5mins after that u hav to queue for 10-15mins how much time left? hmm..lets see....30-5-5-10=10mins...wtf eat wad? then even if u are able to chiong finish...wad abt walking bck to ur study blk? haiz...the thought of all this can throw one's eppetite to the bin and wait for dinner...anyway...after the break i gt practical lesson which is interesting cos im doing milling...something i hav nver done b4(dropped D&T when im sec3) and yea...nice progress nthing gone wrng...yet...lol...hope nthing will go wrng...dun wan to lose my life when i jus found someone that i wan to be 4ever...the workshop is nt bad the male toilet is a scene lol...i went in and there was 1 broken mirror i told my friend...hey the guy that broke that mirror must have failed this module and smash his "masterpiece" onto the mirror then my another friend come in to wash his hands...this friend of mine aka terrorist was a gun fanatic i saw him and goof around saying no la i gt btr explanation this mirror was broken when he wanted to spray his AK-47 arnd the toilet but onli left 1 bullet and so this is is result...lol...he sian 1/2 and we rofl...after that we pack up and went hme...i was thinking of meeting xm on the way hme so take the excuse to walk her home but then she did nt appear...sad...nvm...i shall wait till nov 13 where i will hav something unexpected for her...a present..hehe...cant tell nw cos i dunno her expression...hee~!

kk.,,,im gg off to bed tml c if raining anot if not i go gym if gt then i slack until 8.30am :P :D

so till the nxt time i update...nightz ;)

signing off:
the lamer of year 1989 [L-@-M-E-R]

a new sem starts

so fast....a whole new sem starts again this time wif more practical than theory...thank god? lol...today i got a taste of the autoCAD that some of my friends dreaded...well..nt much of a problem for me as i as roughly manage it myself and oso have the help of my other poly friends...haha...this sem i gt some goals in mind :

1. improve my GPA(totally sux last sem)
2. not to get any Cs or Ds
3. train at the gym
4. get rid of those fats of mine WITHOUT using diet pills
5. spend my time with her whenever possible ^^

yup...those will be my goals for this sem...my last sem's grade was terrible and i noe y...hehe...could hav gotten a B in a module..but i heck...did nt bother to do the on9 assignments/forgt to do then panic and giv up and wait to die :P
now cannot le cos i wan a high GPA so that i can proceed to 2nd yr wifout any worries.As for not getting C&D grades i think i will have a bit of a problem as those who noe me will noe that i SUX at math and physics and if i can get a C it can consider laughable le...but then early this morning when i tok to her she gav me a goal...higher than ever...well u noe wad it is...its alrdy written in point 2 and her terms is if i do not get B or higher she wont go out wif me for....a mth? omg thats like being frigging grounded man but thats onli the case when im taking the final exams :P did not told her abt the common test breaks though...feeling guilty or lucky? u guess bah....haha...so..more stress or bigger challenge? i think this sem might be more of a challenge than stress as there will always be stress but i can handle that since i got her pic on my hp...whenever im lonely or felt abit down...i look at her pic in my hp and till now her pic has nver fail to make me smile...i couldn't help it but smile whenever i saw her sweet face smiling at me as well...u noe...no u dun obviously..im jus being lame =P

kk...time for me to slp update when i have time...chiaoz Zzzz~...

signing off :
the lamer of yr 1989 [~L-@-M-E-R~]

my door is ready to open...jus for u..<3

the feeling that i thought had died when we parted ways has rekindled again when she called me...yes...u can see it in my msn very clearly...i do not know what she think of me but i'll still say that she is my one and only...and there is no one that can replace you ...only you, my dear can make me feel this way..truly the other girls i met have not given me this special feeling...only you...<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

for those who wish to noe her name...quit dreaming...i will not compromise her in my blog for safety reasons...and i swear that if anyone who insults or say anything sensitive...i will get angry...and you dun wanna see me angry.

its like ...im just a locked door waiting for the right person who is holding the right key to open me(the door)...you will nver realli noe the true me unless u really try to understand me...i am a little bad at talking and saying out things...so wad i said may be misunderstood or redicule..but it does not matter..wad matter most is i understand myself...i noe there are those who tried to noe wad i was tinking but...to tell u the truth , there isn't much to think abt...im jus worried..too worried abt the future me...the last and only person that ask me y was i so worried and kept silent all the time and offer to listen to my worries was...her. At that time i was only thinking abt death, so i tot i shld nt told her in case she thinks i've gone bonkers! so i said nthing...couldn't open my mouth in fact...a mistake...cos i think she is just trying to open my door but i slam it shut again...haiz...my past muistakes..must learn from it...

currently she is bsy wif her exams and i noe that this exams is impt for her jus as she is impt to me. i will wait patiently for her to finsh..in the mean time..i nd to get some workout in the gym so that i can..erm...slim down? haha...hope i gt a 6 pck =X cant have high hopes..may try...but the success rate can c liao...5% xD...

i have finally written a post le...for those who have view my blog and complain abt the updates i apologise for the lateness because i was doing some cca admin and was quite bsy...now that i have written dwn some of my feelings...i hope that some day my wish will come true...

signing off :
chuah hao cai, philip

my aunt's birthday :D

i jus transfer its 'rank' to a post instead of a picture...so the quality may differ abit...

wad a tiring dae again...

today was a very tiring day...meng this morning call me say gt job lobang...but my bank is abt to be rob clean by me...im pretty desperate to find a job and when i heard its a flyer job, hse to hse giv..through the letter box de...somemore $6/hr...a steal sia...tot can slack...but in the end this flyer job is real shag..yea SHAG...i am suppose to comb the entire sector by myself and wah~...if u c my map u oso will peng...very wide...in the end i didn't manage to comb finish the entire area given to me...i onli manage to comb the 1st quarter..haiz...i actually can comb more places de but then i didn't cos of the foloing reasons...1st , i bring the wrng kind of bag..i brought a sling bag...and my shoulder hurts like hell after the job..2nd...i gt cca later in the evening...air rifle leh...if eyes become tired no nd training le cos cant see :P...but 1 thing heng is tt i bought 2 bottles of water wif me and 3 hotdog buns...can last me for...the whole day...lol..kinda like the rations u gt in ns...lol...anyway , enough introduction for wad i bring...wif all the wrng preparations...it realli saps my energy...esp on my legs..on a bright , sunny day somemore...but the terrence was a view worth looking at...nt to mention girls :P...there was 1 T-junction where i saw 3 terrence 3 storeies high and the carpark area is nt the kind where u jus park into it..very std like tt...no...those terrence abit more special...the cars do not onli drive in to park their cars...they drive a gd 10-20m b4 parking...i can estimate the cost of those terrence liao..abt SGD$2.5 - $3.9 million...then of cos...there are alot of guard dogs...ranging from those real guard dogs to chihwahwa... :D...lets me think wad i have seen so far...hmm...so far i have seen guard dogs...shephard dog...poodle...chihwahwa...bulldog...ya...i was chase off by 2 dogs...nt tt they are big and scary but...i was trying to post the flyers into the mailbox but as i was doing tt...they keep jumping up and down barking at me...even i,wif earphones on, blasting wif musics could still hear them...wahlaoz..then 1 of them tried to jump through the gates and 3/4 of it body it out...wads left is its hind legs that is restaining her...its a female u c...i tot "wtf...sua la...giv up on this household...find nxt tgt..." then i turn to c a worker that is beside the house renovating another watching the comotion...i shout outloud..."wah...giving out paper oso cannot meh~!!!" lol...he jus laugh...i oso laugh...then heck care him and post the flyers in the 1/2 renovated house..XD...but the ending pay is miserable...i gt $20 bucks for 3hrs of walking, enduring dogs barking,and those @#$%-ing housees that hav no mailboxes...otherwise its camoflouge by the vines growing arnd it...-.-...anyway...i gt 20 bucks and i tot..ok..cos i onli work for 3 hrs i gt 20..fair...meng gt onli 35 bucks though he worked longer than me...in the end we conclude 1 thing..this job is nt worth it...nw gt sun burn liao...>.<....then after this @#$%-ing job...i chiong down to my cca i gt a meeting but then i dun plan to shoot but when i gt there..my hand are itchy to pull some trigger to..boh bian...then my senior...oso my trianing IC draw some tgt cards for me...look like alien to me and he told me to shoot at the dots that he draw for me...train us to be snipers...haha..nt bad...and so i did...shoot the 1st and shot and i hit bullsye...the 2nd shot miss but then its arnd the nose area so the "person" whom i shot will still die :P...the 3rd was a 100% headshot...compliments to my IC for drawing that card..i had afew funny moments to enjoy...like shooting the eyes to make eyeballs...XD...yea..it funny~!! i show the card to ying jie who is aiming beside me and he cant concentrate anymore and rofl..ok..he did nt roll on the floor but he jus sat on the chair and start laughing...XD...then later gt the meeting mah...so we wan to meet but then the person who is suppose to write isn't there and so we call her hse and ask and found out tt she dun wan to go out...so we psycho her to gt out of the hse...im nt included in the psycho team cos i threaten to kan her upside down...but then those who noe me will oso noe that i dun kan girls...unless they piss me off to the extreme...i jus shoot them nia...:P...so..i jus listen to their psycho-ing...and they manage to gt her out of the hse to meet us...heng ar...but in the end she oso kena shoot until very jia lat...XD...after tt then we went hme liao and tats the end of story for 2dae liao...haiz...tml gt bck result le..scared scared....>.<"

sian..sian..sian~

today is frigging tiring...dunno y oso...slp like a log till 12pm then prepare to go to sch do cca event...then after tt go BG cdans train air rifle...strain my eyes...nw feeling so tired...and the event isn't gg very well either...haiz...its sure is a tiring day for me 2dae...but...im happy cos she replied my sms!! dunno y i felt happy for this kind of simple thing...jus felt happy!! :D:D:D:D X3X3X3X3<3<3<3<3<3<3 ha...


tts all for 2dae...

me nw signing off...chiao~!

finally!!!!!!

finally...my exams are over!!!!!!!!!and my 1st ever poly vacation has started...felt great sia....lol...oh well...good thing dun last long...haiz...cos i will noe my exam results in 14 sept...and i noe its nt gonna be gd news for me..T_T...btu heck...currently my cca is organising a paintball event...and im in the organising committee haha...its been a long time since i have been entrusted wif such a impt event...so im going to try my best to complete it!

hehe and wif a side note : odex is going dwn!!! PACnet won the suit against odex and looks like starhub is "countering" them as well! thats gd news to us...though we(dl-ers) noe that we have high risks of gtting caught by overseas Co. haha...wad to say...heck? lol...but i mus say...odex this time pick on the wrng crowd to mess wif...xD...wif this recent event...talk abt over-kill...lol

1 is over...chiong for the nxt whic is TML....

hiaz....math exam is finally over...it was on last friday...last 2 qn i dunno....math...wan liao lar...but i dun wan to repeat TT_TT....(sob)....but heck...nw i chiong for the nxt module...el-tech....electrical physics....hope wad im going to study will come out....then after tml.....im officially on vacation..or rather...the vacation will officially start...lol....all the best chc! kamaptei!!!!!!!!(jia you~!) ^^....

lame....-.-..

exam....the stress is taking a toll on me....

exam is tml and im still blogging away...wtf...lol...but im half way through my revision anyway...a break wld nt hurt...=P...tml is math...hope i do well in it...
will most probably update again tonight

when sadness overwelms

sometimes...i dun wan to think of anything anymore...its 2 dam saddening....y...must she giv me false hope that i still have the chance y am i willing to be used by her...even though i knew...i couldn't stop myself from accepting to help her....in anything....the thing that she ask me to do...i wan to carry it out...but in my current situation...i cant do anything....as my timetables are packed....poly timetable and sec or pri sch timetables are different...u may have the day free but then u have projects to worry abt...tests to worry abt....the letter tt she ask me to print...i kept in my files in the hope that if ever i gt the time to print it out i will surely and definitely print it out...this show how important this letter is to me...wadeva the content is i dun care...but the fact tt she ask me to do something....sort of feel like i can communicate wif her like tt....cos i am in poly where else she is in sec...i dun really gt to c her everyday though i long for it so very much...

people say tt time can make one forgt the past love or sad memories...but i think its bullshit cos wadeva things u do it will be etched into the very core of ur brain...and unless u heal urself...no people....nt even time itself can help u....i hate memory flashbacks...serious...i dun like these flashbacks as i can onli see wad i had done but cant change it which i will end up regretting wad i did...or gt sad or angry or something that i am suppose to do but i did nt do....

right nw my mind is in turmoil....dunnoe wad to write and fearing that writing it out and she sees it...i dunno wad to do...this blog is suppose to be written in secret...i dun like to spread...but its ok for my msn contacts...

right nw there is alot of things i am thinking of penning....i mean typing it out...like...death...the reason y i talk abt dying so much is becos i noe for a fact that my body is gtting weaker by the minute...its nt something i wan to share it out to other people...there is no nd to go for a checkup u can feel it urself...i noe for a fact that i hate 3 possible illness waiting for me and i guess it that they are stomach cancer, kidney failure and diabetes...the 3rd 1 i think has the largest possibility as it appear to heritarity but i can cfm wif every1 nw that i have nt contacted that illness yet..haha....yes....death is a scary thing....i wonder wad the after life looks like...will it be like a spiritual other world whereby singapore is still like singapore onli diff is that onli souls lived in this world...the criminals in the other world will be also be sent to prison also known as hell...and heaven is define as a place a normal soul could live in and nt to interfere wif the living and wait for the chance to be reincarnated....lol...sound like a fairytale huh....i hope that wad i say is correct bah...lol...watch too many shinigami or death god shows le...some to think of it....i wonder wad is the conditions to be a death god....must u 1st understand the value of life itself b4 u take it away from the physical body?

the things that i have receive from her as presents...i have treasure them well...here is afew :
-a plush toy turtle...kept wif me ever since show that she is always wif me wherever i am
-a puzzle....done halfway through but i did nt have the time to finish it through...kept it to remind myself that i will complete the puzzle
-an aircraft carrier...this is the 2nd most precious item i had...the 1st is the turtle...this aircraft carrier....is made by her and her alone...i am realli touch and happy by wad she did...now now....i really do sound like a girl nw...i shld be the 1 tt make things that could make her feel touched by wad i did...but then while reflecting on myself...i found out that i noe nthing...nthing....wad right do i have to love...wad rights...to i have......all in all im nt qualify....tt is y..i am thriving to learnt jap to learn anything new....but....haiz...i dunno wad to say liao.....mayb i will write again tml...depends on my mood...





and i really hope that the relationship between him and her is just friends.....i cant.....really cant ...take another blow abt this....sua...i go slp...tml update again....

unbelieveable things that can happen to the school u knew b4 u left

my secondary school has change over the years and none of these changes has been so drastic until we...as in the 2nd and 3rd batch graduate from the school...here are some examples of the unbelievable things that happen...from wad i have gathered from my intel so far

-straws are being recycled by vendors until recently was discovered
-the whole was scolded in the morning for clapping too softly.
(for heaven's sake does the DM have any common sense? it 8am some residents like me was slping or otherwise , sick!show abit of consideration to others will u???all i can conclude is that the DM is 1 hell of an idiot)
-school's security become extremely high(not that i have anything to complain abt...jus stating some facts)
- useless teachers (say for instance the HOD of PE)
-the attitude of the sec 1s and 2s towards their teacher(it greatly surprise us)(HOWEVER this reason does not count on wad the DM did)
-rules so strict it seem more like a prison than a school
-the school gt themselves a perverted DM(perverted as in VERY strict..until to the sense that he seems to have lose his mind )

-the increase in the amt of strokes in caning(the most recent case i heard is abt a sec 2 boy who gt 10 strokes of the cane...yes ur eyes did nt bluff u..10=ten....strokes of the cane...THAT IS THE ONE THING THAT I DUN SEE THE REASON TO BRING DOWN THAT HARD ON A STUDENT....THIS IS A FRIGGING SCHOOL NOT QUEENSTOWN REMANT PRISON. HE MAY BE A POLICE OFFICER,A CID , A SUPERINTENDENT FOR ALL I CARE . THIS IS MY REASON. TREAT THIS SCHOOL LIKE A SCHOOL)

the last point agitate me the most...how could such a thing happen in school?esp as it is my ex sch...and the principal allow it?
she must have not taken her medicine ....

oh yea i was crapping abt how i felt tt i forgt wad crime the unfortunate boy
committed...hmm....lets see....he was caught wif 2 packets of condom...havent open...meaning brand new....i mean TT IS NOT EVEN AGAINST THE FRIGGING RULES!!!!!!!from wad i heard he saw it and order a caning 5 strokes for each packet...he is using a frigging loophole! 5 for each......if some1 bring not a packet but a box...then it will be 3x5=15 strokes....pls Mr DM if u like fantasizing abt caning ppl so much go bck to be a prison officer....dammit...thinking back....if thats wad the rules is like then our whole class and nearly every other classes the boys would have been caned long ago....ours even broke a wall...damage the window pane...alls accidental of cos...but do u think the bloody DM will giv a fuck?i dun think so....

this teacher's dae im going bck to visit my teachers in secondary school and i wan to c wad the new DM is like tormenting every1 like tt....i mean its not wrng to be strict but it must have a limit dun think that u gt the authority u hav push ppl arnd....i noe wad connections the DM hav....BUT...i believe tt if we did nthing wrng then he has no rights wad so ever to arrest us....

the above mentioned is up to the reader to believe ..im just giving my view on the matter but i strongly encourage the DM to resign or sooner or later if some1's parent complain abt him to MOE he will have to leave as well...in a bad name somemore...haiz....

blurry eyes....

this is it...the come has come whereby i think i nd to wear a specs....yea....a real bother to have to wear it nw....i dunno whether is this the result of not enough slp during these few mths....well....yea...i said months...others may even mistaken me as a direct descentdent from the giant pandas....ah well...u gt the meaning....sch is not going as well as i have planned....tml i have 2 test....dunno will i pass anot....and oso sometimes my upper body will hurt....not arnd my heart...but near there...lol...sound like as if im cursing myself like tt...haha....dun wan to die nw....still gt alot of things i have to do b4 i can go....willingly....ha...nw feeling very slpy..dunnoe y....haiz....

i will write when i have the mood again.....Zzzzzz......

projects...can be tiring....

2dae i have IAC presentation....can die ar i tell u....all last min. prepare de....then the presentation style oso veri funny 1....heck lar....tcher say did not fail can liao....lol....basically i was reading off the slides in our ppt as mine is onli abt pie charts and our research findings and results(although the results were solo-ed by our grp leader)..but overall i think my grp screw up BIG time..y? 1 topic tok too much...the rest of the presentors including me were waiting for him to finish....lol...the feeling cant be described but then i can say that during that time i look at the class clock and ask my friend beside me wad time issit....lol.....then later in comt oso gt presentation but thats nxt wk...so abit heng...lol....lucky...then tcher let us watch some funny videos which was realli ROFL !!!!! it realli brightens up the class mood espacially after the IAC presentations....lol....nice day....oh yea...forgt...2dae went to watch harry potter and the order of pheonix...gd show but cut alot...as in the storyline is being cut and alot of things they nver show...director sux....lol....lol...

anger and promises and confusion

i am a sensitive person.....and im easily hurt by wad ppl say abt me...but most of the time i dun take them seriously as i think they are jus talking nonsense , well...thats for ppl i dun noe....the ones that i cant seem to forgt wad they say to me are my friends....i consider wad they say and compare it wif my own logic...wierd isn't...well thats me though....besides...i take promises seriously, wadever promises i made to ANY person i will definitely honour it...esp when that person is my best friend but i gt really upset when the person i made the promise to broke it...just like yst....i had made her a promise to watch a particular movie wif her and she agreed almost instantly and as the movie has jus been shown and i couldn't find a free time in my schedule i intent to post it on sat.....but....later tt nite i sms her she said she had watch the movie her friends JUST NOW....i was like wtf man...not again....this...i am telling u...not the 1st time she has done it.....i am not saying out the name but u noe who u are.....apparently, she do not take me seriously when i made a promise to her...jealous? yea mayb u say say i am...i dunno y this feeling is taking over me....i felt terrible whenever she said she is wif her friends and classmates...i mean its good to be in good relationship wif ur class but then i dislike the thought of her gtting more contacts wif the boys in her class...i dunno...wad is this feeling....in any case this is the 2nd time she broke her promise, do not noe if its accidental or intentional , i truly hope it is not the latter....for now...i will see wad things go...the promise to watch movie 2gther was broken yst, jus by sms....i dunno which promise she will break again....and i truly hope that it is not the most recent promise that we made...that particular promise is 1 that i will definitely honour it.........haiz...will any1....who read this post....tell me wad that feeling is? haiz...confusion....

intelligence network

lol..this is an interesting topic to work on...but i will nt tell in detail in case my network was compormise.

sometimes i can predict things for u if i have enough information about u....nw dun think of me as a psycho cos im nt! the same logic applies to my network in sch...i can get almost any information of wad is going on in my sec sch wif jus a phone call away.handy huh...but then i will nt use these info or my networks to blackmail anyone...haha...i trills me everytime my friends or teachers ask me where i gt the info...how i noe of such things...etc....i will nt compromise my informants so dun try and press me for it....so far i have establish a network in my sec sch..still usable after i graduate...kinda useful too...my network for my primary sch expired when i grad cos all the other informants have grad 2...kinda sad but heck lar...this is wad im gd at collecting info and data....i look forward to my future information and hope that i bring gd news....well there is one : i found out that my POA teach ms chew is engaged!...apparently her boyfriend proposed to her in april...so romantic...no wonder she is so bsy these few days..lol...is my information accurate? but its lacks in detail bah...but anyway :
MISS CHEW CONGRATS! ALL THE BEST AND HOPE U ARE WELL! lol...

wad will u do if u noe wad is gonna happen to u?

wad will i do if i noe wad will happen to me in the future? thats the qn i ask myself frequently....will i try and change it or just remain as it was....my ans will be neither of the 2 cos my ans will be living ones lives to the fullest and dun have any regrets....from everyday life and from tv shows i learn that living with regrets and dying wif it is not at all pleasent...1 way of living without any regrets is to learn form ur past mistakes and dun brode over them...cos they will only be a burden i wont say that i have no regrets as being a man always has regrets but the problem is letting it go...i have tried to let go some of it and i succeeded in letting go afew...like regretting y i did nt study well enough for my exams...all these...i felt is nthing more than senseless burden for my brian...i rather my brain to store gd memories of other things than kping those that bring sadness and unhappiness....

these things dun often happen frequently so i dun count it as a kind of talent....but sometimes when these things did happen it happen wif 100% accuracy.u see, i sort of have the ability to tell that whether is everything gonna be a success or failure , wads gonna happen nxt and other sorts of things...all will be pictured either in my dreams or in my mind....say for example the nxt week i have a BBQ to attend and i have a feeling that the food will not be finish...nw i dunno whether will it happen or nt cos i just have that feeling...mayb if u go on a empty stomach...the ending might change ...call it predictions bah...i like to predict things that are gonna happen or nt gonna happen nw but will happen sooner or later.and about 90%(rough estimate)of which im accurate. but i like it as well as hate this 'ability' of mine cos sometimes i see images of me failing in doing something and i hate it cos it always turn out to be accurate but i luv it cos it allows me to think ahead of others....some ppl call me a thinking person...well they are 1/2 correct...i like to think but nt always on a particular subject....i drift from 1thing to the others bluntly put : im easily distracted. anyway...becos i always think wad is gonna happen...i became rather...erm....withdrawn from extreme activities....yea...trust me...i predict wads gonna happen to me if i do this or that....sort of like think b4 u jump....i find this as a advantage to me....as it makes me safer ?depends on how u think of it lah....hey im nt saying this to say that i can always predict wads gonna happen...ever heard of yuan fen?if i can predict for u i will tell u if nt...sry...cant help much....

amazingly short days for my common test

this week is actually common test week for the sch but i only have 2 papers to take....short huh...but then the 2 papers are ELTECH or otherewise known as electrical technology...in layman'e term : electrical physics 1 of the my weakest modules T_T with all the frigging kirchroff voltage and current law and ohm's law...im praying for a miracle that i pass this paper..the other paper that i had is engineering math...a mix of E and A math...cool huh....fun and easy to learn esp the logarithdms(pardon me if it is spelt wrngly)...but i hate the graph becos thats where i lost the most marks....nt becos i dun have time but becos i draw wrngly (X_X) ARGH!...hope i pass the 2 papers.JIA YOU!!!! lol....

1st post....dunno wad to write....

lol...i oso dunno gt wad to post leh.....arbo lets start wif the start of my poly life bah....yea...for me poly life is like giving us a 2nd....well...3rd meaning on our educational stds....and i am glad that i made some new friends there and gt along fine wif the class at np....comparing to my sec sch class,my class in poly is 2x btr....but in terms of noise lvl my sec sch class is 3x far quieter than my poly class..something that i miss dearly cos i wanna study in peace but heck...since im in the class i will try to adapt to the class environment bah....haiz....then poly gt so many cca to choose kinda hard but after narrowing dwn ....i join the air rifle cca....nt bad....worse than i expected but nt as bad as i had predicted....its a 1 bullet 1 shot.....can be compare to a awp except that awp comes wif a cartridge....but the bullets is nt a problem....the problem lies in the tgt board. the tgt for air rifle is already small enough for u to just look at it at Arms length but how abt placing it 10m away from ur postion and they ask u to try and shoot the balck spaces....but wad u actually see is nthing but a black dot!!! challenging and fun...a pity my Common Test coming le cant train....haiz.....k tok until here liao other dae then continue....lol....