its been a long time since i have written a post in my blog...alot of things have happen the past few days and im now really demoralized...and its around the common test period too....talk abt bad luck huh...but then life must still go on....though these few weeks are tiring...and though my goal and aim have been destroyed...i am still living...living to pick up the broken pieces of my aim and goal and piece it back together....i cant talk abt my problems here cos its relatively unsafe to let out...hope u dun mind...but i create this blog so that i can relief some of my burden on the net whether i gt flamed or not i dun care, u wan to read, dun be offensive ; if u dun wan to read...then dun read and surf other urls pls...
anyway , todae i have engineering mechanics test...kao the paper half the qn i noe but forgt hw to do...liao lor...then theres a part on tension where i miss 1 final crucial step to obtain...wah...regret...i think i can pass this paper la...dunwan take remedial classes during the holidays. :D tml is my engineering math ...hope i understand wad the topic is....cos i think i am losing touch with differentiation...help...haha...haiz...after tml there is still the last paper of ael...analog electronics...haiz...i may understand wad the tcher is trying to say but i cant apply it leh...it jus blurs me...haiz...
nothing eventful happen ysterday except it rain all day...wth...gloomy weather...its starting to get me down...
gloomy weather = bad omen = confidence drop = no mood go take exam = sure fail xD
last sat i go bck to school to study with my friends....was late for nearly an hr...ok...i confess, it was deliberate. but i took a cab down anyway...and we study till abt 12.30 when we end our studying and eat lunch together...the carrot cake stall fuck up our order when me and yj were discussing whether we wan black of white de...they say no black so i said nvm...then he go convey the order , but the man blur and tot he said cancel order...in the end , i go call satay beehoon and bck and the carrot cake still havent arrive...sad case...yj go ask the stall and he gt a shock that he tot we cancel our order..lol...funny sia...then after lunch we part ways...meet meng at the bus-stop(i forgt the place of it le...psps..) then we board the 174 to jurong point....cos i said i wan to play something and relief....my problems...there can be no way for me to talk of such things. i can only release it by playing and relaxing my brain...i have since felt better and wanna thank him for the company he provided. then we go tour jurong point...lol...popular took over the liberty supermarket and nw its a WHOLE lot bigger than b4...lol...then on our way home, we met our secondary school teacher, ms chew! yea...wad a coincidence , she was looking at interior designs for her new house(she is getting married,see) and she is oso one of those whom i have told my problems wif...an adult always helps...but i dunno y...i cant trust ppl that easily...one of my classmates once told me,"hey, u dun trust anyone right?,u jus trust urself"...now that i think of it..yea its kinda true...i may be able to look as if i trust u but in reality...i dun give a shit...those ppl who say that they noe me in like 3 mths is bull...i dun trust a person unless i am with contact with him/her for more than 1-2 years. and the lvl of trust i shown is different too, some i may trust them in terms of promises , others , mayb money, but in terms of private matters, i only tell those whom i really trust with, whom i 100% noe wont betray me unless i betray myself, and those are wad i may call true friends,though the phrase, "a true friend walks in when the whole world walks out" .
right now i am alone...though i have afew trusted friends to get along with...i find that i cant talk that much le...tires the mouth...lol...ever since she break with me, im alone , and i find that being alone is wad i mus do now cos r/s may be too much a thing for me le....i understand that im not that strong in all aspect...i cant protect , i cant safe, i can only destroy...but its not that i wan to destroy...things....happen and they jus dun turn out the way i wanted...or u all wanted....funny...now that i think of it...being heartless isn't a bad thing after all, being cold,u will be numb to anger n sadness. the only thing u feel once in a while is happiness, but the condition is that when u master this skill, the smile that u once knew and have may be gone forever. mayb im on the 2nd phase cos i cant bring myself to smile anymore....i wan to be the true me where i can do wadeva i wan without restriction , no 1 to nag or to gt angry with...1 might say im being oblivious to other ppl feelings, that might be true cos for the past 18 years of my life, the more i care abt other ppl's feeling,the more hurt i get and so i learn my lesson le....no more caring for other ppl....i mayb able to help out in solving ur problems but expect me to be cold and ruthless on certain consequences.
sorry that my posts are bit messy, cos i sometimes have different topic to say all at once...lol...psps... ;D
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