been feeling rather empty up till now, i realise. i dun have much time left! in just a flash im alrdy 22 and nxt yr feb i will be 23! im alrdy taking my 1st step on the middle age phase. this is the 1st time i truly felt old...not to mention pathetic. the mere number 23 sound like the age where i shld be making money like no tml. striving to earn a stable income and sustain a family but no...im still in NS, pondering what to do with my future.

so many expectations to meet. so many conditions to fulfill.
giving up my dream to meet up with the current reality.
call my determination half fucked. YEA AND SO?
i lack neither time nor requirement for it.
i lack money to pursue
i lack time to find a job and earn an income big enough to support

and thinking of "i lack this and that" really irritates me to no end.
but then time wont jus take pity on me and stop so that i can catch up
can tell u this>
-i can a car but gt no license
but to get a license i nd to pass my TP test which in turn needed money as well
-i hope to get a girlfriend someday
but again, when i look at myself i lack qualities and again, money to take care of her

and when i cannot fulfill this monetary requirement i can never get what i wanted

and i know playing games at the arcade is wasting money but i too, need a place to relieve my stress. the only place i can find momentarily joy in my life.

i envy those around who are cuddle up with my loved ones
x'mas day isn't a special day to me. its just a holiday
CNY is the time ppl around me ask me about my r/s status
valentine day is jus a day to get chocolate...if i ever get one

i have inevitably walled up myself again...facing the crowd with skin-surface joy
i need a hug, someone to tell me "its ok, you can do it"
yet im picky, and dunwan to feel that your just being sympathetic to me.
i dunwan ur sympathy, its not wad i want.
i just want the kind of care and concern guy friends cant give


wad the fuck....