this is wad i wanna do right now...jus shout :"AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!".....im bottling it up again...and i feel the urge to shout...mayb i will do it tml...when i go sentosa...
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y do i suddenly feel this way? can any1 tell me wads wrong? i have an intense urge to shout out...my heart really itches...and and i dunno wads wrong wif me! this feelings....i dunno since when i have started to develop them...it has become more and more obvious!...y is this? i dunno anymore...i want to shout and shout and shout.....am i confuse? mayb...i felt an emptiness in my heart...its like a hole...and the wounds are itching...how am i going to fill up that gap in my heart? hw am i to stop the itch from my heart to stop? i wan the urge to shout to ease...nono...i think im going to lose control very soon...no not mentally....but then...its my heart that itches...who does my heart search for? has its sensor pick up someone? im going to try to shout and cover my mouth using a pillow...brb...
-shouting in progress-
back...well...onli helps alittle...my heart still itches...my feelings is not very stable de...im rather....how do i said it....rather fluttery...that means my feelings for some1 is real but i cant maintain it....but i really do gt hurt quite easily...hm....issit an old wound from last time? i rmb i cried...haha infront of the whole bus..(well...cant be compared to those that cried in the mrt b4...u pwn me hands down). each of us gt our problems and sometimes i really dun wan to share it out cos i dunwan to burden another person wif additional un-needed stress...and always prefer to solve it on my own...but my heart is really itching.....some1 help me stop it...even if its temporaily...who can help me ease my heart? who? who is willing to come in and break into my sealed and reinforced heart?really...i dun really think there is...for i have come to a stage where i cant get pass the gate named : fear, i cant seem to unlock the lock name : insecurities , i lack the weapon call love to break open lock and destory the gate...i have also realise the hourglass of my life has appeared and the sands are slowly dropping down to the bottom glass and there isnt much left on top....i suddenly realise that i have a time limit...where this time, if time runs out for me...its game over for good....now im trying to think of anyting as a bid to ease my heart...
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on a quick note b4 i sign off....my bro said that my socks attracts ants...and as u all know...socks contain my sweat...so if ants were to be attracted to my socks means my sweat are sweet and if my sweats are sweet that means i have diabetes? its too soon for me to have and too much of a trauma for me...i rather a quick death than a slow death at the very least...i dun nd to suffer that much....im beginning to realise the symtoms of diabetes i have shown these few days...and im starting to get worried..also, i've gain weight, something that i do not wan...i nd to control my diet...seriously....>.<.....
angie reach holland(neatherlands) safely wif her relatives...a heaved out a sigh of relieve...im not at all related to her...but hw come i always worried abt her? wad do i see her as? my sis? or my special some1? i have not seem to be able to see the difference between those 2 using my feelings...till then, i cant say wad i wanted to say to her...cos...1st she has some1 she liked....2nd she treats me like some weirdo....3rd...i dun wan a 1 sided r/s(link to the 1st) 4th, i dunwan to regret the decision i have made...5th i am afraid of losing the bet of friendship if she ever rejects...(i rmb some1 said to me: u never know when u havent tried)
somehow, sometimes after i help out in somethings...i dun feel the happiness and achievements at all, instead i felt...nthing...blank...recollect wad i did and scold myself for being an idiot...for not noticing so many things i ought to have noticed...y did i have to realise this when its always too late?[im actually alittle hesitant about posting wad i have felt in blog cos im afraid she might read, but since i have written, i will stake wad i have on this post and hope that in the event that she gt read...mayb...just mayb she will know of my current feelings....and in the event that she does not read...well...then i will leave it as that...]
ok im going to sign off now...tml gotta wake up at 6.30am lol...
(the itch in my heart is acting up again)
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