random tots again...

to avoid awkwardness, i choose not to tell u my feelings
in order not to lose everything u and i had shared, i choose to seal my heart
in order to maintain the friendship we had, i lie to myself
why??? all for the purpose of not losing u....

if i must bet wad we share in the past to gt u as my gf , then i rather remain as friends

i wonder..........in fact im more worried if we are 2gther! not that its a bad thing...its jus that i dun have a habit of being chatty infront of the person i like...unless i dunwan the situation to be awkward....kinda always failed at it...but its jus that i wanted some1 to be wif me and let me hug...sounds childish, but yea...i would want that feeling...its warmth...u noe ur not alone. BUT i noe that wont happen to some1 like me so i can stop dreaming abt it *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*

i have a bad memory...i forgt bad and good memories...i dun have impression of passing girls...but i will never forgt hw i met u...i may have forgotten the date...but i know the place.

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haha...yst met angie to have mugging session! 1st time i study so srsly, 5 papers all chiong finish!....actually, thats was not meant to be a mugging session to begin with...she jus met up wif me to give me the ticket for her cca preformance and so i bought 1 thinking "well...since your performing, i will go see" well... she was really hoping that i can go in groups so that she can sell her tix.fast! but! as that week my friends all booked liao...i cant even hold an event myself on that weekend. at 1st when i say i wan...i say onli i go...she go like "=.=" in msn....haha totally ruin mood...i tot at that point, is she trying to hint to me that it would be weird to go alone? so i anticipate this and tell her i wont feel weird...but...i think she is thinking of more mundane stuff....like mass selling the tix...oh well...haha...anyway, she suggest wanna come out meet, and suggested mugging...so i tot "hmm...since mondae is my paper...mugging is a very good idea...could use alittle help from her oso" so we met on sunday to mugged @ wdlands regional library. in the quiet environment, i can fully concentrate on my paper and think....then consult her on afew EZ qn.....b4 library about to close...it is then, i rmb her strap...i wanted to give it to her as a present...nthing special, jus spotted it on natsu matsuri and decided to buy 1 for her....as the name implies...hp straps. lol...i dunno. but i knew i gt the wrong thing for her...sure she wanted a hp strap...but that strap wasnt the strap she wanted...but my gift was kinda rejected...(i hate that feeling but i swallowed it) then library closed so we move to starbucks...there...i put my bags on the table and jus left wif her...totally ignoring the safety, but i trust that the ppl have enuf integrity not to touch things that are not theirs...then when we are waiting for our coffee, a baby carriage fall to the ground...i make a move to help, but angie move faster than me. so i automatically stop. dun ask me y...i jus stop....i hesitated. at that point i REALLY LOOK A RETARD....y did i stone there? i myself do not know...anyway our coffee came and we went back to our seats...i continue to struggle wif my pass yr paper while she read magazines...haha...she said she gt a 10 page essay to finish and hand up tml online...with that said...i felt bad making her wait for me to finish doing my revision....i wanted to say alot of sorries....but in the end i 1/2 do 1/2 talk to her....tell u something...when u talk to me ar...i am the straightforward kind....meaning if u tell me ur friends do stupid things i will definitely say "ur friend's stupid" but i know that the way i say it offends ppl....offends her oso...esp cos i said like that to her good friend....i felt bad, but i cant do anything...cos i am really say wad i felt...i rmb telling her " u can jump down a building or bang a wall, i dun care. jus dun involve me can liao"a mistake i told her that? definitely. then she ask me if WWW and escape and go all in 1 day. haha...i said no...thats not something achievable hahha...cos 2 different theme parks....both offers play all u can when ur in the park. will u stay or will u play randomly and go over to the nxt park? not feasible. but i recommend her wild wild wet.(say all u want abt having ulterior motive or anything...i dun care) cos its fun! onli went once...wif my dad and bro...very fun to play...but anyway......its still deciding....im officially having hols nxt starting thurs and im working on that day to kick off the start of my sem vacation!
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if ever i can tell u my feelings and felt that u are rdy to hear it.i will tell u while holding ur hands, followed by a hug and end wif a kiss <3