im thinking over abit...jus watch a show...the ugly truth...its a very nice show, its hilarious, its crude and i like it very much....initially wanted to watch it wif angie...but somehow knock it out of my mind when she said something abt being busy...oh wells...which brings about this post for todae...a summary of todae's event.
TODAE......is suppose to be fun...i made mondae a free day becos xm said she wants me to teach her badmintan...everything comfirm le....the day, the time, the place...even booked the court. then as the agreed time looms near...she sms me say cos of something in sch cant make it....well..well...1st feeling, im being pang seh yet again, 2nd feeling, anger, y so last min? why cant u jus sms me or call me afew hrs b4 the time? at least i can gt some friends to come...and i HATE LAST MINUTE SITUATION...soo...sooo very much.therefore, instead of going for my supposed Badminton session, i went to lot1 instead to play jubeat...i know that i nd to dissipate my feelings fast...and i release it by playing...not too shabby...manage to grade up and gt area51 ahaha...manage to forgt the unhappiness. then i went home for a quick dinner b4 going for an online meeting....after that...
angie gimme me a link on the movie" the ugly truth" as i watch...i think abt it too....am i that kind of person? giving other ppl happiness but in turn when asked abt urself...u cant even say a simple "i like you" to a girl...in any, any girl u fancy...which lead me to develope a pathetic feeling of rejection again...y am i like this?issit becos i have this foresight that wad i did will be rejected?
as i sat in my chair thinking abt those things...felt abit numbed and went towards my kitchen window...there i think abt job...how their attitude towards me really sucked...always putting up a fake front.then i went back to my room....sat down to think again...
sadded to think that life is filled with so many restrictions & expectations.
sadded to think that i am always like that....
sadded to that im delusional(other ppl dun see it for themselves but i do)
my heart...is always filled with fear, lonliness and darkness, an occasional spark from the fire of life appear from time to time.
fear that i would lose someone again
feel that i shld be lonely cos i dun deserve anyone
the path i walk is pitch dark, my light extinguished long ago....
y issit life have to be like a gamble...u may lose everything in a single moment...
y am i like this....
y....
............
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