did i really let her go?

todae at around 6-7pm i was waiting for my bus when i receive an sms from xm...she told me that she will be going to china and catching the nite flight and is wishing me well...and take care(much like im the one going to china like that...heh!) but becos of my cock-eyeness, i miss out the words"taking the nite flight LATER" and was thinking she was jus telling me in advance so that i noe...at that moment....i really wanted to chiong cab to see her off...i was alrdy waiting for the cab when she replied me no nd...i had predicted that she will say that...so i reply im on the cab liao....lol...but then she replied saying she going in(departure hall) le..i see liao LL...dunno wad to say...but felt really really disappointed...and oso sad...cos before that i wanted to call her personally to wish her well....i mean...thats wad friends do right? wad she do? she hang up on me...then msg me say sms will do....wth!? hey...am i not fit to call u through the phone?...y i can only msg?....i felt SO restricted that time...wth?! was the qn i ask myself alot of times...though whenever i see ur msges...my heart would still beat 2x faster and i still felt uneasy, i still reply u...i treat u as a friend and cos i noe ur gonna fly off soon...i figure as a friend, i will be able to, at the very least, send u off...i wonder if this is how u treat your friend. seriously, sometimes ur msges to me make me feel that im being used by you, like some useful tool to get things, so u ask yourself , if u were in my shoes, hw will u feel? im not trying to be kei gao or anything but pls think about other ppl's feeling before u say anything

dammit...sound as if im writing a complain letter like that...initially i had tot that when i find a free time we mayb can go kbox together...but judging her charcter, i now HIGHLY doubt so....heh...ironically, she the one who taught me this phrase"pls dun jump to conclusions" so now im hoping that im not jumping but if im right then i wan to jump HIGH cos i was right about my earlier statement. to be honest, i am not even afraid that she find this out, cos she NVER come and visit my blog at all, though i had hope that she did so that she noe wad im feeling right now.

seriously, girls...just so you know...there is a limit to how much a guy can contain his anger, his saddness, his pain infront of you. sometimes a guy's smiling face doesn't represent his heart and that he is jus acting normal so as not to frightened u or make u worried, and if he do not get a chance to empty of of his emotions out, someday when he will jus lose control, thats when u know how to spell the word A-F-R-A-I-D.

gonna slp liao...nites! ahh....felt better after "saying" it all out....